did you feel that?
that thing they call
"spark"

because i did,
that one time
you touched my hand.

let's be real
i act like
i don't care

but i do..

...besides, it's only an act.

I really do like you...
Even though you hurt me
Even though you left me in the shadows
I still dream of us under a mistletoe
Even though we are only friends
To me it seems like you pretend
I understand you don't want to hurt me anymore
Even though you haven't said a single word about it
I'm okay with it
I won't doubt it.
It must have been hard for you
But I was also scarred
Just remember I'm always here
Even if you disappear,
I will wait
Hoping we're soul mates

I really do like you
Even though you hurt me, and scarred me too.
Even though you left me, and came back.

I still love you.


Why do I still love you?
For a reason I don't know,
Please just don't go.

She teases me with please and sees the ease with which she kneads her seeds of plain jane ideas that inflame maimed ideals in the mind she unkindly winds to blind the mimes and hide the chimes behind my cruel foolish heart that she has ruled and ghouled apart with vanities and sanities sweet depravity that eats into the cavity in every meat memory that follows me until I am spilled and thrilled with the **** in the mirror, the bottomless fear that I see so clear is in time and climbs up my spine, but it doesn't rhyme.

Though she slay me
Yet will I love her

You will never be that person I go to with my deepest insecurities,
nor with the lies, doubts, and harbored pains, that I hold captive inside.
You just don't feel that close
You will never the one to pick me up, you are too busy propping up your own self.
No need for both of us to fall
Someday, someone will.
You will never be the one I run to when the world is too much,
This wall you have is to high for me to climb, and too thick to get through.
I feel like I will never truly know "you".
Despite knowing all this, a patience and confidence resides,
knowing that someday I will meet someone I can walk straight to,
someone meant for me and I for him.
Until we meet, I await, I am on the sidelines, watching from a distance.

Light me up with a match but first poor the gasoline in my lungs,
So that I can inhale the acidic liquid from your mouth when we go to touch tips with our tongues ;

Burning holes through my heart as you tear this love apart.

THE HEART BECOMES NUMB OVER THE EXAGGERATED AND THE VIOLENT.
I FEED THE MALADY AND DIG MYSELF A SELF LOATHING PIT FOR NOT ONLY MY CORPES BUT THE PEOPLE I UNWILLINGLY DAMAGED.
THE CRACKS IN MY MIND ARE CLAWED WITH FEAR AND THE AGNST PACES AND PACES.
EVERYTHING THAT EXISTS FOR INFINITE MILES WITH IN ONE IS DEAD, EVERY INCH OF LIFE IS UNFAMILIAR.
I POUR OUT WHAT LIFE I HAD INTO MY PETITE PLANTS AND RESONATE THE GREENS IN MY BITTER CHEST THAT CANT CLINCH ANY BREATH OF RURAL STILLNESS THAT HELPS ME NOT SPILL MY ORGANS ONTO MY FLOOR.
THIS OVER EXHAUSTING BETRAYAL OF MYSELF AND THE RIVALRY AGAINST MY MIND CANT TAKE REST FOR AS LONG AS THE ROOTS IN THE SOIL ARE TANGLED AND NOT BREATHING I AM NOT WILLING TO SHARE ANY COMFORT.
THE LIFE THAT WAS ONCE IN FIELDS OF MIDDLE AMERICA ARE GONE AND I MISSED SO MUCH JOY I SOAK IN THE BITTER TAKE ON THE 2016 WINTER.