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Meandering Words Jan 2024
those pensive ones
as they seem to me
birds on the wire
gazing this way
     and that
lost invariably
to their ennui
their melancholy
their obliviousness
to the point
some may say
     pointlessness
of their existence
in these moments
without reason
or incentive enough
to prompt one
     or the other
to take to the wing
embracing the bluster
of the ever-blowing winds
rather they sustain
this idle malingering
waiting listlessly
for that which none
can know
louella Aug 2023
how i wish to be a harp note in a russian symphony
how i wish to be a dragon, longer than six feet
how i wish to be the line that is on that narrow face
how i wish it wasn’t that easy to find someone to replace
me
how i wish the moon would stop and tell me the truth
how i wish i heard Jesus’s name from the mouth of you
how i wish that we didn’t have to lose some seeds along the way
how i wish the death would come fast and then be on its way
how i wish my hands weren’t so shaky when i speak
how i wish the words that slip from my lips didn’t puncture me
how i wish time could slow down just for me to catch a break
how i wish the sea would settle down when i am in its wake
how i wish i could be more
how i wish you could adore
me
how i wish this world was more forgiving
how i wish i could fly
how i wish i knew why
how i wish i would stop wishing for an end
to something that just began
been reading e.e cummings poems. they are inspiring.

there are many things we wish for that we do not have—but i am so grateful as well. sometimes i don’t know how to balance the wishful thinkings and the gratitude. if today you do anything at all, i hope you thank God or someone for the things you have, even if you don’t have it that well off, you can still be thankful for the little things :)

8/6/23
louella Aug 2022
i’ve dreamed like a stallion
but i’ve never ran like one.
bolting across prairies
and open fields
with open arms
and feet clomping
on the grass.
and it’s unfair
because you crawled
up the beaches and never
made a peep
and you drove for so long
that you started to hate your feet.
you couldn’t have chosen to be free
like me.
storms dictated your schedule
i can chase my tailbone
endlessly
in the eclipse of
the waking sun
and the pouring rain.
you’ve missed your family
so your father died,
and your mother only has one kidney
at least she’s alive?
you got robbed of your dignity.
bystanders tell you to
loosen up your knees.
you flail when it’s time to go to sleep,
something i have taken for granted
since i was thirteen.
you have possibly
dreamed like a stallion,
but you never got to believe.
you’ve begged God to just let you
jump from the empire state building
at six fifteen for some
strange reason.
have you ran like a stallion?
with your mouth agape
your lips pursing
your armpits sweating?
have you dashed
through farmlands
and markets and cornfields?
feeling the gatekeeper in your
chest start cussing and blurting
out words you haven’t
heard
since the day
your brother
slapped your
sister?
i’ve dreamed like a stallion.
wild, free, and intense.
i dreamed i would escape
into the sunset, bathing
in its rays
spread all over the place.
and one day,
i hope to run like a stallion
with no worries, just the starlight
on my back and
thunder crackling in my veins.
and one day,
i hope you do the same thing.
war is hardest on the men that didn’t create it.
8/18/22
Some cigarettes
that you have smoked
will tell you;
this is a life
where you must not give up
and keep trying
and hoping
for every good
that grows
from your breath.
Indonesia, 19th October 2021
Arif Aditya Abyan Nugroho
Cerasium Oct 2021
Thoughts spiraling
Causing tears to fall
Does he want me
Or is it all a facade

Little to no communication
Rarely seeing each other
Hiding things I give him
Spending more time with her than me

These actions speak volumes
And it causes me to wonder
Does he even love me
Does he even want me

Everyday I fight against these thoughts
But the longer this goes on
The more I feel it to be true
And the more heartbroken I become

I’m starting to question
If I should build up walls
Block off my heart again
So it doesn’t hurt as much

But no matter what I do
I can’t seem to shake these thoughts
Thoughts of pain and torture
Wishing for someone to shine a light

I swore to myself
I would never be in this spot again
But here I am again
Prepared to have my heart trampled

I’m honestly ready to snap
Needing to talk with him
But it has to be in person
Because I honestly fear his answer

It will be so much easier
To seal myself away
While he’s standing there in front of me
Than if it were over call or text

I can hide my pain
Not let myself collapse
If what I honestly fear
Is the actual truth

My feelings are never wrong
Which just makes matters worse
I lay there and cry
On countless days and nights

Hoping that he’ll talk to me
Hoping it’s not true
Hoping that he loves me
Hoping he chooses me

Because if this continues
The way it’s going
I will end up losing
My will to even try
Hi its me again
Yes the one that hears your pain
Had a tough week?
Minds restless and could not sleep

Maybe music could help
Makes you reflect pieces of yourself
Don't wander into the void
Into the emptiness of a world destroyed

Calm your nerves down
Praying, crying, hoping it will turn around
Now slowly drift away
Into a dream and keep your demons at bay
Demons of the past caught up
Jennifer DeLong Feb 2021
It's funny how it always turns out it's always you it's always you
You're the one who captivates my soul makes me hope for more
Staying away has been hard but it's what I've had to do
To see if you really cared if you really wanted more
Now I just don't know I just don't know
Will we ever be more than we were before
I guess I honestly just don't know I just don't know
But here I am wanting you waiting for you
Time has been
passing by
So when will I hear from you I guess I just don't know I just don't know
© Jennifer L DeLong  🦏2/27/2021
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