waiting to be saved
from a loveless existence
rooted in foreign anger
with sickened persistence

aiming with the mindset
To fall short from the mark

blind fingers reaching
out in the wild dark

I reach for a a willing hand
tensed up in assistance

no man willing takes the
form of the damsel
but I am no man bred
of this world

I won't feel the will
from within, I'm doomed
to be doomed confined
in cold rooms

I wait for who's to be
the breathe of worth
that sweeps through

So Stuck.

Mire of Muck.

Inside my Blood.

On top of my Soul.

Let this cancer grow
Take everything away
Nothing will stop the spreading
No hope no lies.

Far away

inside and out

Alone in my pain

cant scream or shout.

Wish I had a person

that i could call

spill out my heart to

anytime at all.

So many disappointments

too many misses

so much loss

not enough kisses.



Wish there were memories

of happy things too

not just losses

and feeling blue.



Tried to do it right

make dreams come true

just sad memories

when i am with you

I tried to be good at something
But I ended up being a noting
I was smiling
Even though I felt like crying
I felt so alone
Like I was in this all on my own
I could only hurt myself
Because there felt like nothing else
I was lying and lying
No one knew what I was hiding
I wanted to die
And no one knew why
I'll just go to bed
And hope I wake up dead

Its the reason I stayed in that relationship
So mean. Abused and and used,
But I thought I saw the light
I thought "I don't know when I will see you again but I have hope."
Cried for all the world to see
It was a lie

Its probably why I believe in one night stands
There is no hope at an end of an organism
Thats probably why;
When you said I was beautiful
I stradled your body
called you a liar in mid moan

I don't believe in anything anymore
I don't believe in the future
I don't believe in him
And I sure as hell don't believe in hope

At least as a good thing
Its trickery and mischievous
Its a preempt smile
And a downward spiral
Its a lie

I look at the front
I can't recognize the road...
I look at my back
I can't help but cry...
I glance at the sides
I'm alone...
Alone.

I can't scream
I lost my voice...
I can't cry
It won't change a thing...
I can't move
Fighting is futile...

Hope...
Where is my hope?
I can't remember what
I can't remember when
I can't remember why

Hope...
It's a foreign word

She comes to me every night...
When all is asleep with stars lit yonder.
Comes to me with subtle might
Peeking fiendishly from darkness's cover

Await such time she'd choose to show
Await the chance to finally take.
Ready to pounce like a well tensioned bow
Arrow-like talons, ever honed to stake.

Awake or asleep, she would come without fail.
Creep is her gait; this shadow clad figure.
Always a ***** in my impervious mail.
Claiming her wants with ferocious fervour.

Deemed to be strong, easier to succumb.
Don't fight...don't struggle... Don't call for aid...
Just wait and will yourself numb
She'd come regardless of prayers that's said.

She was here with me last night
In bed, I stared at a being that's faceless...
And my heart wrenched tight.
Gripping and feeding me senseless...

Soon as she came, she left but not before
Siphoning the good and replacing with dread...
Stole was what she did; left me wanting more...
Once deed is done, into the dark she fled.

I know her all too well,
Nocturnal guest that I unknowingly invite
Her intentions to incite, not quell
Send me spiralling through emotional blight.

Day will recede, making room for dark
She'll come; swift and without sound.
She'll arrive majestic; inflicting her mark
I'll wait for her, ready and unbound.

Looking forward to her return
This silent foe whom I find familiar.
With every touch I cringe and burn
Oh secret friend whom I'm beginning to savour...

She is synonymous with various names
Each would bear the likeness of semblance
Let fly her cloak of not dissimilar aims
Endearingly I call her...,

Despondence...