By now it's well past nine,
but all I do is part the blinds,
head spinning, hair awry,
messed up sheets, covers up high.
And my day disappears. In my bedroom
my house, while powerful
people make powerful choices,
powerful problems, as I
pour another coffee, blinking back haze,
a stupid teenage phase.

It's past nine and all I do is
blur another line. Overlook the
scope of what I know we can't escape.
Where affluence is influence,
privilege; potential. Fighting a frenzy
threatening my future.
I stare at my windows foggy glass
in a quiet room, inconsequential.
As numbers feed sinners
and a sinner's scent lingers.

My afternoon morning voice vocalises
prospects - don't expect experience
except where artists lay down
to die.
Should I go out and have a walk?
Should I shock my mind awake? Awake
away from mistakes - take away the
ache for a clean slate, for my state
is stained and tainted - tongue tied.

It's past nine. My school shoes
are worn through, but they're mine. I
pull the laces too tight, constricting;
grasping control where control
contributes only to collapse. Collapsing,
as they're wading through the
landfill to find a throne to
recline on, willing to
pile up any bodies that they need to
climb on. Tears freeze on my
cheeks into pearls. They sell
them as necklaces admist the peril
of a nation with drowning youth - no
fear, no thought - the truth.

They poison air with gases they
can't name, and breathe the last
lungful and avoid all blame as
the air is ****** out of
the wind. My window. Suffocate.

It's well past nine, should I get
up in the meantime?

I thought I could outrun the weight,
but the burden was never mine—
like a passenger begging for control,
but only the crash was waiting,
and I didn't even scream.

The bottle, your loyal companion,
Numbing your pain and fuelling your vice,
Dragging you deeper into the abyss,
Evading the value of your precious life.

Each warm sip, a false promise of solace,
Betraying your heart and ravaging your mind,
Shackled by the chains of hard addiction,
You become a prisoner to demons unkind.

The cheer of old times fades to silence,
As the light in your eyes slowly dies,
Unsteady with no anchor to ground you,
Treading a sea of lonely, unsettled demise.

You tell me you want to break free,
To see the world through sober eyes,
But the waves keep pulling you under,
As you drown in whiskey's tragic goodbye.

©️Lizzie Bevis

I'm scared, okay?
I'm scared I'll never be loved,
I'm scared I'll never be held,
I'm scared I'll never be wanted.

I don't know how to change this.
I'm not one of feelings,
I can't express them.

I'm scared my thoughts will push you away
I'm scared my bones won't hold me straight
I'm scared I'll never find a way to
be loved.

"Can I interest you in a sarcastic comment?"
is something like Chandler would say
But what if I can't even make my own
defense mechanism protect me?
What if you don't like my jokes;
the only thing that might be good in me?
But that's not even the problem, is it?
I can't even find strengths to tell'em out loud
I can't even let you decide if you'll laugh or leave
I can't even

I'm scared, okay?
I'm scared that no one will ever know me,
will never want to know me
I'm scared I'll never find the words to fool you,
to make you think I might be interesting
I'm scared no one will ever think I'm worthed
of spending their whole life with
Why would they?
I'm just a quiet dull girl

I'm scared, okay?
Because
I love myself, okay?
I do.
I'm scared I won't ever find anyone else
that will love me as much as I do
I'm scared that's all that's left for me
Keep being one thing only:
unlovable
as I've always been

She once held my face like I was her world,
Now her words cut deep, like daggers unfurled.
She looks at me now with disdain in her eyes,
What was once treasured, now she despises.

I see stuff sometimes, each one like a blade,
Saying this situation makes her spirit fade.
Not from the place or somewhere, but from me, I know—
A reminder of the love she let go.

A person who sees me a disdain, needs to run far away,
That every corner of a place brings her dismay.
But it's not the streets, it’s what she can’t bear,
The ghost of who I was still hanging there.

I feel it all—the whispers, the weight,
The way a person rewrites love into hate.
That silence screams louder than any blow,
Crushing the heart that once made me glow.

I walked along, hand in hand
Strolling towards the trees.
I was happy, had no care,
Just the dog, my mother, and me.

I ran my hands, through the green,
Humming - carefree as can be.
I was content, and had no fear,
Just the dog, my mother, and me.

I closed my eyes, to feel the breeze,
Smiling so blissfully,
I sighed, then, I remember -
Just the dog, my mother, and me.

I opened my eyes, and the trees were bare
Barren ground surrounded me -
I screamed, wordless, held on even tighter
Just the dog, my mother, and me.

The sky then bled, my mother screamed
As to why I couldn’t see
My dog barked, and I held on to
Just the dog, my mother, and me.

My mother looked at me, her mouth was open
Still screaming silently
The dog whimpered, why was it only
Just the dog, my mother, and me.

She then faded, I ran after
Holding my dog helplessly
I knew then that image was over, of
Just the dog, my mother, and me.

When I stopped, she was gone, and so was the dog
They were only memories.
Nightmares or dreams - the only way it can be
Just the dog, my mother, and me.

I'm not worried about my life
I am worried about my image
I am trying to strive and strive
Performing on a stage
Called life of strife
This life of strife

Hör auf, listen to me
Du bist nicht so wichtig
As it seems to be.
What? You feel hurt again?
I don't know what to do
My friend.

I don't know what to do, my friend.

I came for support,

but he doesn't know what to say --


He is at a loss.

He captains the ship
with a grin
You’re all in
Hoist the sail
Climb the rigging
Settle down in the cabin
Close that door in behind,
You want to go live in
His life, your life, his wife
You say

He scoffs at the crew
But not you
You’re the maiden
He’ll find treasure to hide
In you he’ll confide
And provide
The answers you desired
He knows best
You say

When seas are rough
And he’s had enough
Surrounding ships wreck
All are affected
Once important neglected
It can’t go undetected, surely,
As he undresses you
with his insults
Addresses all your faults
He’s just stressed
You say.

Your attempts to rekindle
Throw you overboard
His words
undercurrents,
that drag you beneath.
Used to swim
Now amongst the weeds
Can’t help but concede
He needs me
You say

You struggle
You had learnt to blow bubbles
But now you’re in trouble
A muddle
Confuddled
That’s typical for you
He says

You plead to be rescued
Lock eyes with the crew
But they’re through
So washed ashore
Bedraggled and torn
He picks you up
Keeps you safe,
Loved
And warm
You say