it is not that you never say the right words,
that can pierce into my skin.
it's just whispers never lasted,
so now i yearn for my ears to bleed
and most probably that wont last either
but maybe
just maybe

and if not i hope i could die from it

i like to say
here is my soul
don't hate it
don't hurt it
don't share it
just feel it within yours.
because it is my soul
and that is all i have left.
be doused by the moistness it is surrounded by

somehow
somehow
if you cant stand it
don't tell me it

The noise upstairs can’t be reigned in
A breath of silent air, a look to my steed.
Like a knight off to war, a countdown from ten
My demons chase daily, doubt planted, a seed

Nine words to split my heart is all it would take
“Just leave me alone. I don’t love you anymore.”
Just irrational emotion, but I feel anger and hate
This final phrase as I walk out the door.

Eight paces away, I step onto my ride
The visceral growl, now broken the quiet
Two wheels beneath, in the machine I confide
Awake and aware, required to pilot.

The sins, seven deadly, they leer and they whisper
The visor hides panic, my heart grows tired
Six words of my own, “Why do I still love her?”
My eyes stream tears, my face is on fire.

My thoughts, a hammer, was that all I meant?
Onto the freeway, five fingers roll the throttle
For this can’t be how our story finds its end
I cry. Raw emotion breaks from its bottle

Three times I have fallen for the same ploy
Faster and faster, the skyline becomes a blur
In traffic I hide, a terrified little boy
It chases, I race, uncertain, unsure

Too apathetic to care, like a jet on the ground
The terror of love haunts all around
The wind roars past, I begin to blackout
I scream and close my—

One text.

“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean that. Please come back. I love you.”
I let go of the throttle, the scenery now vivid
In my heart and soul I know that it’s true.
As the bike cools off, I return to her quiet and timid.

An argument no more, we talk through it and explain
At peace, we kiss, lay down, and promise never again.

Nobody is the name I wear,
My burden is too much to bear.
We can't be together, it is sin;
Love forbidden by one's own kin.

Not allowed to love somebody,
Told that you must love nobody;
Thus Nobody is the name I'll take,
Hoping a story we may make.

Sticks and stones
May break my bones
But none can tear
The love we share.

Every time I said I wanted to die
it wasn't the truth, I wanted to live.
Because I love life, I love people,
I love making people smile,
I love being the reason somebody laughs
or feels loved.

See, I didn't wanna die
but a part of me was dying
because of all the abuse.
I wanted to be free
of all the hurt, free of the reality,
the person I love more than anything.
Never existed,
just an unfortunate ghost.

I didn't wanna die
but a part of me did.

Fighting those demons,
the ones that whispered in my ear,
the ones that tore at my soul,
I held on tight to hope,
to the belief that one day
the pain would go away.

But it didn't.

And so, I wore a mask,
a smile that hid the tears,
laughter that drowned out the screams.
I became the master of pretending,
the expert at deception.

Yet, beneath it all,
beneath the laughter and smiles,
the truth remained,
a silent scream that echoed
through the depths of my being.

I didn't wanna die
but a part of me did.

And now, as I pen these words,
I'm not searching for sympathy,
or a knight in shining armor.
I simply want to be heard,
to let my pain have a voice,
to acknowledge that it existed.

Because within that pain,
that darkness that threatened to consume,
a flicker of hope remained.
A tiny flame that whispered,
"Keep fighting, keep living,
for there is love and joy yet to be found."

So, I won't give in to the darkness,
to the lies that whisper in the night.
I'll fight with every breath,
with every beat of my heart,
to reclaim my life, my happiness,
my freedom from the shadows that haunt.

See, every time I said I wanted to die
it wasn't the truth, I wanted to live.

Our first kiss
Took my soul away
Your pink lips
Were claiming mine
Vanilla was the flavor
Your hands holding me
Scared as though I'd disappear
But I was already stuck with you
The silent gasps between us
Feeling your warmth, your needs
We had our eyes closed
But we both saw our future
You drew away, but it lingered
I was myself again
And you looked at me
With such loving eyes
We made a silent promise
Of always wanting more

Our last kiss
Was exactly the same
Claiming each other
The flavor, the breathing
Hands clutching desperately
The neediness, the warmth
The future we still saw
I drew away, but it lingered
You were yourself again
But you looked at me
With such heartbreak
We made a silent goodbye
But we always wanted more

Here stuck in stagnant fog and cold,
My solace is to cling to you.
Clutched to my heart, the chill abates;
And yet, I know what I must do.

Though you'd carry my heart away,
I know that you may never be
Suited for life on this here ground;
For that cause, I must set you free.

Let God's breath fill your lofty wings,
Winds raise you up towards open sky!
Be free, o wingèd spirit fair,
If fate so beckons, you must fly!

Ink's running out
as my thoughts get loud.
In between you and me,
my cup’s fuller.

The strings attached
are still clinging on tight—
but I will not hold on
any longer.

For this is, by chance,
a brief experience.
And that,
I should be grateful for—
because you made me feel
something
I had been longing for
before.

To be held,
for once,
with hands so warm
and willing
to engulf me as a whole.

This fleeting experience—
I'll hold on to.
For not even once
have I felt
a deep connection
I never wanted to end.

Perhaps,
it was you
or how you made me feel.
Or maybe,
it was your eyes
that I still wish
to stare into—
at least
for one last time.

I screamed 
"I WOULD HAVE DONE EVERYTHING FOR YOU"
"I WOULD HAVE DONE EVERYTHING AND ANYTHING"
I screamed at the top of my lungs
My fists clenched white as tears fell down
I screamed at the world
Until my heart gave out
I screamed
For someone who isnt' there anymore