Axe in my hand,
head in the plan,
blood pools around my feet

Where I stand.

Raised in surrender,
Fallen contender,
Will you still be in front of me
When the war has ended?

Arrow in my hand,
A face off in the plan,
Guilt pools around my feet

Where I stand.

The price that you pay,
The winnings I take,
The sacrifice

I am

Unwilling to make?

Don’t die on me now,
My heart kisses the ground,
Winter melts away as the
Sun comes around.

I drop to my knees
Among the dirt and wheat
As I fall to a man
As unloving as me.

Your claws in my own,
And an evil that goads
At us
laughs at the victory

Of taking your throne.

I hope when I’m buried
Under an aging tree
I see your face,
carved into the bark

Staring back at me.

I am cursed with the affliction of kindness.
And I will haunt this earth until I have seen the end of all things beautiful.
I prepare my epitaph, so that I may visit my own grave—
and mourn every piece of myself that I changed.

No matter what I do, it is not enough.
I was not enough.
I don't think I ever could be enough—
not for any of you.
But I still tried, didn't I?
I still try.

Perhaps this is all I was meant for—
to love until I disappear.

How cruel, to exist in a body that is hated.
Not smart enough, not pretty enough.
But forever kind enough.

You looked in my eyes, and still you lied
I asked you why — you said, “You rushed,” and tried to hide
Living your dreams with girls on a screen
While I stared at myself asking, “What does this mean?”


Was I missing something? Am I the blame?
Then I whispered, “No… I walked into this flame.”
I saw your style from the very start
But I let you in, and you broke my heart


How can you stare at me and still pretend?
Say, “I love you, I’d never cheat — I’m not like them.”
But if you knew you were wrong, why hide it deep?
Wait till I’m gone, while you lie and creep?


This ain’t just about you — it’s about our name
Our roots, our values, our family shame
Arab blood was raised on pride
On loyalty, not this love that hides


We’re taught to give with all our soul
To stand for honor — that was the goal
But even the purest hearts get torn
Even the strongest queens get scorned


So what made you think, Huda, you’d be the one
To be loved right, while the rest get none?
his world don’t care if you’re loyal or kind
Even good women get left behind.

Silence is golden
so I’ll watch you float away
in the lack of noise
you desperately need
after our lifetime of chaos
it is only fair
to let you ascend

If I’ll never find this love again
then I’ll hold it as close
as our Bellingham days
where I wish the breeze
and purple skies
would have let me
let you under my skin
oh, what we could have been

But wishing is fools gold
and the present reels in
so I will let myself
live out these moments
in a room that is candle-lit
until I can get a grip
on these distractions
and learn how to be
a friend or a husband-
even if it’s not you,
I still need to find my center
because it is my time
to ascend too

I refused
To listen to friends and family
Who warned me what will come
I refused
To look at the signs and flags
That told me to go back
I refused
To make boundaries and lines
Out of self-respect
I refused
To stand tall and put my foot down
When I kept getting hurt
I refused
To give up what we have
Even though you were long gone
I refused
To allow myself to process
To let myself break down
I refused
Even though time has passed
And the pain settled in
I refused
Despite all the heartbreak and pain
To stop loving you

You broke my vase
and water filled the room
at an alarming pace
all you left behind was gloom.
The room is empty now
but the water holds me in a cage.
I live with tide lines on the walls
of my heart-
I mop, and mop, but it won't stop.
I don't know how
to forget his wreckage.


Years passed before
he showed up at my door,
in his hands a vase like mine
the roses blooming, still with spines;
he placed it gently
on the spot of solitude.
I am scared he'll break it too
or he'll leave without a trace.
But I can't live without love
even if it breaks my vase.