the ghost of my devotion stood on trial for you,
role of lawyer in place of victim taken in stride, in strife
i stood by your side fighting for your name while you tore mine down in exchange

i pleaded to the court not realizing the judge and jury had my face
self defense, i claimed
pointed to the scratch on your chest i had left
the one from trying to reach for your heart,
the one for which a bandaid would have been enough

i remember marking you first, remember feeling criminal for it
brazed for life sentence, but still kept gauze ready to treat it like a bleeding artery
there was so much blood in my hands i mistook for yours
drips down my wrists dry and forgotten, blood i recognize now as my own
i hurt you and you killed me, made it look like my own doing

all is fair in love and war. was my excuse
i think they’re one, the way they wound, inevitably

my argument fell apart when the accusant lawyer came forth with the autopsy and sad eyes strikingly like my own
blunt force trauma, mismatched gashes and cuts
post mortem wounds, bruising all over
what you did to the body, after the fact, that was irredeemable
your cruelty kicked and punched, a trail of evidence of hatred undeniably left behind

I didn’t want to fall apart mid-sentence,
So I said less and asked more questions.
Tuned out love songs, skipped our street —
I made avoiding you look complete.

I smile and nod when your name is mentioned,
As if it doesn't pull me out of the conversation
They throw it around casually, like it's not cutting right through —
I guess I never got to cry out about you.

You urged me to leave, to fly,

to conquer this life.

But my wings feel heavy,

a descent into the raw, relentless pain

of a love that both shaped us and shattered us,

leaving wounds that time only deepens.



Music is stained by you,

you’re woven into every note,

recalling to me both what you gave

and what you took away.

Your pain bleeds through every lyric,

questioning me,

forcing me to question myself:

Is it my memory that chains you to the dark?

When will songs ever lose your echo?



I hope you found peace in my songs for you.

And they make your soul rest,

like it did in my arms.

My love falling around you

like a perfect harmony,

a warm melody that lingers,

but that failed to heal.

𝑰 𝒍𝒆𝒂𝒓𝒏𝒆𝒅 𝒐𝒏𝒄𝒆 𝒉𝒐𝒘 𝒇𝒂𝒌𝒆 𝒍𝒐𝒗𝒆 𝒄𝒐𝒎𝒆𝒔 𝒇𝒓𝒐𝒎 𝒉𝒂𝒕𝒆,
𝑰 𝒍𝒆𝒂𝒓𝒏𝒆𝒅 𝒂𝒈𝒂𝒊𝒏 𝒘𝒉𝒚 𝒂 𝒄𝒐𝒎𝒎𝒊𝒕𝒎𝒆𝒏𝒕 𝒔𝒉𝒐𝒖𝒍𝒅 𝒘𝒂𝒊𝒕.

𝘼 𝙢𝙖𝙣 𝙞𝙣 𝙡𝙤𝙫𝙚, 𝙞𝙨 𝙩𝙝𝙚 𝙨𝙖𝙢𝙚 𝙖𝙨 𝙖 𝙘𝙝𝙖𝙞𝙣.
𝙇𝙤𝙫𝙚 𝙧𝙚𝙨𝙩𝙧𝙞𝙘𝙩𝙚𝙙, 𝙗𝙡𝙞𝙣𝙙𝙞𝙣𝙜 𝙛𝙧𝙤𝙢 𝙩𝙝𝙚 𝙥𝙖𝙞𝙣.


2 birds in love, they lived together for awhile
beautiful home and around are pictures of them with smiles
but the home is usually empty throughout the day and it’s pitch quiet at night
well most of the time, just... not when they fight

lost and changed brother, who wanted to give his all
eyes are distracting him from landing his own fall.
running through the space, she hit him with a wall,
a broken arm didn't prepare him for his heart.

it was mental and physical, the abuse that he encountered
he always wanted to work it out, but the screams would get louder
the anger would build, but the sadness would, too
How can the same person say they,
“love you” and “hate you”?

He loved her. She loved him.
but she didn't know what she wanted.
he gave up all his heart, it wasn't the same for her.
it was like their love was stuck in reverse

and it gets crazy when two hearts don’t connect,
especially when the words they want to say don't interject.
feelings always stayed in their hearts, the same place,
and the way they showed love stayed the same.

the boy fell in love, but the girl would lie
the boy wanted to leave but he was already trapped
this is when the problems started to arise,
because he found another boy while he was stuck inside.

He asked him questions, the answers he couldn’t believe
how long they’ve been together, this is how she treats?
the woman who was supposed to be his queen
became another bad dream with sleep paralysis

now they’re getting tired of the beautiful home
beautiful pictures shattered and everything thrown
holes in the door and clothes on the floor
a look inside of the beautiful home that started a war

she got tired, she was bored, she wasn't real.
this whole time, he was head over heels.
But even though, she still left, he still loved.
now she is coming back, asking and pleading for his trust.

Isn't that crazy? Isn't that hard?
she is going from "I love you" to wanting to start a war,
and when you try to fight, she says it's not enough,
and when you try to let go, she says you’ve never loved.

He doesn't want to move on, he’s still fighting.
He doesn’t want to cry, he’s still smiling.
He doesn’t want to leave, he still wants her,
but even though he doesn’t want to go, he has to.

but he was curious about the love that they had,
closure can’t bring him back to where he was, that’s all gone.
baby girl thinks she can come back from all that.
She was all wrong.

Now he knows that he can do better with his heart.
Now he knows that she’s been playing since the start.


𝘼 𝙢𝙖𝙣 𝙞𝙣 𝙡𝙤𝙫𝙚, 𝙞𝙨 𝙩𝙝𝙚 𝙨𝙖𝙢𝙚 𝙖𝙨 𝙖 𝙘𝙝𝙖𝙞𝙣.
𝙇𝙤𝙫𝙚 𝙧𝙚𝙨𝙩𝙧𝙞𝙘𝙩𝙚𝙙, 𝙗𝙡𝙞𝙣𝙙𝙞𝙣𝙜 𝙛𝙧𝙤𝙢 𝙩𝙝𝙚 𝙥𝙖𝙞𝙣.

𝒂 𝒃𝒆𝒂𝒖𝒕𝒚 𝒕𝒉𝒂𝒕 𝒔𝒉𝒐𝒘𝒆𝒅 𝒇𝒂𝒌𝒆 𝒍𝒐𝒗𝒆 𝒇𝒓𝒐𝒎 𝒕𝒉𝒆 𝒉𝒂𝒕𝒆
𝒂 𝒃𝒆𝒂𝒖𝒕𝒚 𝒕𝒉𝒂𝒕 𝒔𝒉𝒐𝒘𝒔 𝒘𝒉𝒚 𝒄𝒐𝒎𝒎𝒊𝒕𝒎𝒆𝒏𝒕𝒔 𝒔𝒉𝒐𝒖𝒍𝒅 𝒘𝒂𝒊𝒕.

it’s your birthday.
once, I swore I’d never forget —
yet, it just appeared on my feed,
when it used to linger
quietly in my head.

you have a family, children, a wife.
time ran off, and left no trace —
am I allowed to wonder at your life?

those strolls under the moonlight,
the midnight dates –
it’s now her looking at the sky
as the stars cascade.

your memory rests where it used to burn —
quiet, soft, asking no return.

look what you have left on me –
a bouquet of stitches,
still-healing scars,
fine lines I can’t conceal
etched across my heart.

and what of your voice haunting me?
I hope to God it disappears.
someday, I won’t even remember,
that all of this was ever real.

Is it too late to tell you how i feel?
honey, don’t answer.
I couldn’t bear to hear
all the things you’d have to say.

So keep those lips sealed,
and let me silently pray,
that one day these scars heal,
and fade into nothingness
along with your name.

this poem, honey, is all you’ll get –
not out of cruelty,
but fear.
every time I opened the door,
you’d flinch,
step back,
and leave me
with unsaid words,
and cruel bitterness.

I wished you yelled at me
Strike at me, scream at me
Curse me with all the words
Look at me with hatred or disgust

Instead

You stayed quiet
And you let go gently
Whispering those words again
With eyes of hope and heartbreak

Why?

Why did you still love me?
Why did you make this harder?
Why was ending this so **** difficult?
Why did you not end up hating me for it?

Oh

Now I understand
It was hard for both of us
But you were able to live with it
While I can't live with my own choice

In moments like these
i feel every weight of every planet
Rest on my shoulders

i see the heavens form against me,
Hell tries to side with me…

Every star in existence
Watching my fate crash right in front of me

i stand on the moon watching,
Watching from a far away distance the earth,
Where I watch you live your every day life.

You’re my entire world and don’t even know it…
Maybe it’s a hyper fixation
Because you show me true kindness

i find my self turning red,
Something i never did before…
i find myself waiting for a reply
Something i used to never care for…

It’s the unfortunate truth
But is something i must explain to you,

I’m torn between reality and spirituality

What’s real and what’s fantasy
How i live my life, i am on a separate plane of existence
Forced to answer to a being…

A being the size of 300 skyscrapers
All stacked in one…
A being that’s devoured everything i’ve ever cared for…

A being with a never ending devour for lust…
It feeds off the love i ever gave to any planet…

You’re my earth...

i don’t want you to become a victim of this destruction

So i run away from you…
When reality i am changing my course,
So you wouldn’t be hurt…

As i ride the cosmos
Passing by other planets in the distance,
None could ever compare to you…

The lonely silver surfer…
Writes a Lonely Soul’s Poem