like your cigarette, baby
hold me between your lips,
love me longer than it burns out,
keep me lingering
in your thoughts
the same way
you're stuck on your bad habits.
we're all addicted to what kills us,
and your poison tastes just like whiskey cola to my soul.

My mom told me the other day
"I haven't seen the old you since like 6th grade. Do you think she'll ever come back?"

11 years.
It's been 11 years since I've been considered "normal"
11 years since I wanted a future and actually planned on having one
11 years since I didn't feel trapped between being scared to die and not caring if I do
It's been 11 years since I haven't felt the grip of crippling anxiety and the weight of major depression.

They say it takes 21 days to break a habit. What they don't mention is if it's still possible to break one even if it's been over a decade.

Now I've always thought of bad habits as more of minor things such as biting your nails, swearing too much, or using "umm" as filler words. Can major things be habits too?

They say it takes 21 days to break a habit. It's been 11 years and I'm still the same.

This is not the era in which people feel deeply
I am prone to calling myself an old soul
Relics can be found when you dig deep within my ribs and when you see through the eyes that stare
You can see the universe yearning to understand you
This is not the era I am meant to be alive in
I am born to be in the time of poets and battle worn soldiers
Where they experience pain and suffering and try to understand it
There is so much more than experiencing life as a party or a celebration or an adventure. Where are the battles to be fought? Win something with the depth of the Grand Canyon, which I have only witnessed through photos that when I close my eyes, I dream.
Find meaning in the suffering of the little life you have
Save your victories for tomorrow
Battles are no longer existing  in my life
And I am a useless soldier

Sugar is bad for you,
especially,
saccharine maple thoughts
that you cannot afford
due to the hazard
of overweight ego
dense with the aftertaste
of adipose fantasies
clogging the arterial bonds
that tether you
to solid ground

Stop the caramelized madness
from carbohydrating your soul
into victim obesity
causing the full
arrest of your spirit

The sweet is guilty,
distorted in mirrors,
a negative image
of a past feeling,
present reflection
born of the collision
of intentions and consequences