i went looking for you tonite
           in some daring fit of vision
i sought after you in my own flesh
i stared through the screen for you
i near blinded myself in a streetlight

i took on a fierce drinking session
                                      - a pounding of the bellows -
                                   i fought for you in the fire fight
and in a blight of fists
        i fought amongst barbarian company...

trench

                          ...though i thought i'd dredged my fill
                   i was shy by many-many shards
            and   one
                    big 
                  aching 
                 glory
                           and still... no you

i stumble

a drenching
i got dazed and a bit ****** up
with sick up in my gory hands
my mates look foreign at me
and i can't  get them words

my friends will not be moulded to assist
treacherous
they are leaving me behind

you are demonstration, demon and a cost
you wear a fancy shiny sleeve
     flirty
i love you
leisured up
                 you lure
                drunken ravage
fierce hole
        take some finance
i earned it *****
CONTAMINANT !

.......this is not you
    you're not here
(i am adamant)

on a mission
i pummel on the veils
in a fusion i rose the dead for a consult
but they fumbled 'bout awkward
much confusion
they picked at their seems
avoided eye contact
mumbled
probably wanted brains
or replacement parts :
a useless summoning

looking for you
i am well travelled
time and space and different versions of stuff
it's been spectacular
i've seen the bulk and can make a bigger picture
this odd fella laughed and gave me some kind of herb
i'm massive
i'm quite mad
in my lunacy I'll hunt you down
moon n' sea
gather you
a study
ungut beauty
splay ; enforce you a spread of wings
  pin
    display
      and examine
I'll be utter with your subject
be thorough with your data
because I'll never be forgiven
thieving away
the god from beauty....
and...
...and...

and i'm sure your just round the corner
a collision in the scriptures
and we'll merge

I'll make the night
      livid mural
stars and crashes
         flee out into the night
jabber
now it is milk
and i am tourist
in my own hand
thought fails fluid
spill
detested
demolition
upheaval

I want to burn the page

Use my pen to fuel the ash of memory

Let my words take flight and lift your weary heart

Set the world alight in syllables of flame

To bring you written beauty in my name

Feed the hunger raw within

Satisfy the ache inside the skin

But that is where my rhymes begin

I cannot give what I desire

And write to set your soul on fire

Something deep inside of me

Demands a certain symmetry!

I am a girl, since in my soul I know no better, of curious notions:
I take storms in teacups
I collect them, and channel them into whirlpools
When my soul can no longer take the ups
And downs, when I no longer possess the tools
To build a façade, or can no longer hold them
I accumulate the dust from molehills
And make them into volcanoes, from which stem
And flow the plumes of fumes and spills
Of my lava anger.
And if my spirit intellect were stronger,
I would not bottle my emotions.

Sometimes there’s peace
in this restriction,
you get gifted a lucid
memory trail that you can wander
with a heart that sings back
to the echoes within

At other times it’s fibreglass
or vitriol under the skin,
prickle-burning every thought,
flaring angered embers
that refuse to chill

It’s a sickness
that infects our wishes
and snuffs the daily ebb and flow
of our earned minutes
as we yearn for the next high point
where we can
just
let
go

No escaping
this fickle, clumsy spectre,
just a recognition
that its patience wears as thin as ours
and it will pass

Amputate them from myself.
Not masochism, but medically necessary.
Do I deserve such a relief?

They multiply, and strip away time.
Their mitosis is parasitic. Alien. Destructive.
This ailment leaches from me.

So glad to see you temptation...
One of love’s demons, life’s meanings

Darkness inundates this plane.
Lone light on what I’m craving.
Perched upon a ring pillow of velvet.
Distant from a vestal white, ****** pearl.
Far from what I need right now.

I don’t want to feel this lurking hostility!
Distracts my complete hospitality.
Stalking me like a meal, I can’t show what I feel.

Not until I break down and release.
Like an animal, on my knees at feast.
Only a small chunk taken from their population.
In mitosis they’ll be back shortly.
To start this destructive cycle again.

I been lied to..
My life threatened..
Time wasted.
Emotions ignored..
Manipulated into caring.
My mouth is dry
Fingers numb
Yet my heart beat is true
You are too much to bare
Despite your worth
Luckily I only gave my heart to rent.
At this moment as I lament,
I am not tormented .
Though I'm not liberated.
Only time can tell
When I can catch my breath

I light
the four candles
one at a time.

I place my mask
on my face.

The music
is wild
and somber.

I dance
and dance
and dance.

At some point
I stop thinking.

I just dance
and dance
and dance.

I hurl my frustration
into the
candles of change.

My thoughts are
a whirling
swirling cloud.

I draw strength
from these
fires of fury.

I dance
and I dance
and I dance.

I ground myself.

I give
the furious strength
back.

I go deeper.
I find
new strength within.

Not frustration.
Not fury.
But acceptance.

I smile.
I take my mask
off.

And I keep dancing.