Not talked to someone all day,
then the moment you see their face
or hear their voice,
your heart feels warmer
and your day gets brighter,
One uncontrollable smile at a time?

Get yourself a chronic illness.
You will get frustrated with the pain,
And you will start to be aggressive towards the people you most love.
They don't understand & that's okay, because you don't wish this on nobody.
But you hope that they will understand you.
You fight with them until the picture of them fades in the distance.

Then you are alone on the journey fighting your own body . . .

there are two sides to every story
it took me a long time to see
what i called our story
you called yours.

I used to think love was when someone gave you a warm tingly feeling,
If cherry chap-stick erupted into an emotion,
If cotton candy could bleed.

Now I know that love is heavy.
Love is heavy and sweet, with occasional bitter layers in between; love has a mouth on it.
Love will keep you in line.
Love will blur the lines entirely but still expect you to remain inside
them.
When you feel love, you become drenched in it, you are simply sopping wet with irrational decisions spawned out of love.
It is a weight I will gladly carry.
I will walk into the ocean with no stopping in sight carrying armfuls of love.

puzzle pieces fit together perfectly
or so they should
sometimes the pieces are laid out perfectly
each delicately handled with care and slid together easily
sometimes the pieces are scattered haphazardly
thrown aside and yanked back and forced to fit together
each method creates a picture
beautiful and original, yet grotesque and obsolete
if beauty is in the eye of the beholder, who is to say which is which?
sometimes the puzzles that are aligned perfectly are disappointing
they are drab, dull, ordinary
and sometimes the puzzles that are forced together are enticing
they are alluring, captivating, enchanting
so next time chose to force a two pieces together
surely you'll find something new that's better than before

it will take forever
for me to get better
to get my life
back together

But this fast life
and these long lines
white lines
shine bright in the dark nights

hollow friendships
only smiling
when the drugs hit the system
when they're gone
everyone gets distant

fake love and fake caring
real drugs that we love sharing
inhale fabricated happiness
exhale all the hurt of yesterday

what your heart can't take,
darling
Your liver will
wait for jack
wait for the snow in July.

I've paddled off into
my
own
s e a

of nostalgia

longing for my childhood
and darling friends
whom I've left behind
in the
u. r. n
c. r. e. t
of m e m o r y

reconnecting
two hours?

is enough for me
to feel slightly
more WhOlE
than I had before

what I have
what I need
is air.

Goodbye.
That's all.

Hugs are thing I've lived on,
the difference between now and then is that I've learned to go longer without
But now that's a decision that I am starting to doubt.
Now some of my relationships just seem so impersonal,
and if I can remember what it feels like it'll be  a curse and a miracle.
Maybe it's how it gets me feeling emotionally protected
cause I'm strong but this life can blow my chest in,
Maybe I'm just being too overdramatic
If I am then it's most likely a habit.
Being someone who cries it's an emotional release, and I'm an addict
What I'm used to is escaping and keeping an attitude of "let me be"
especially when I try to keep them all from to ever see.
Because what need is there if they don't know what to do, or what to say?
It's a road I've always walked alone anyway.
I've been cried to but what do I have to complain about?!
Keeping a straight head is something I've had to learn without
any guidance. I haven't lived with both of my parents since 10.
I know it's longer than a lot of other kids get, but for a moment can I just pretend
that I can still be affected, that it's understandable to collapse?
It's not like anyone will catch me, I've pretty much seen them all just wait for the emotion to pass.
I've tried to do exactly that,
but then life beats harder with it's emotional circumstance bat.
"Alex, you don't need to go this by on your own"
Thanks, I'll let you know when I find someone who'll help me carry on.
"But just text me when you feel in the bad way"
Okay, but everything you've said is almost identical to what the others say.
And don't get me wrong, I've took of the popular advise,
But it either shows how they don't feel for me or what I've already realized earlier in this life.
This is probably the most I've straight up gotten but I feel there's more to pour,
"but if I do then who reads it"
Self loathing, I do not know anymore.
Sometimes I shouldn't listen to myself, but nobody else would talk to me,
and if they do I can tell their meaning isn't of much purity.
Just don't tell me you'll talk if you're not going to listen.
Communication's a one way street, and lately mine seems faded and distanced.