I have been conditioned by toxic people previously in my life,
that I was not good enough because of my quiet nature,
because I would rather keep to myself than be in the limelight,
because I am introverted,
because I am not like other girls who 'crave attention' - but rather the opposite.

They made me believe no one would ever like or even date me,
that no one will ever love me because of my 'different and unusual personality'

They broke me,
ruined me.

But they will never know, as they go on to live their lives and leave me in the mud - as I live on hating myself.

They never tell you when you're young
That you lose your friends to life

That message I sent
On a random cosy night
Laying in my bed
And you gave it a sight
From a single dm
To texting every day
Those Long WhatsApp VNs
Gosh we had so much to say
That was all we had
In this modern-day

Maybe I'll never forget
That wink emoji you sent
Nothing ever made me blush
And forget everything that I had to vent

Hugging you for that one last time
Pretending for a moment that you were mine
Life is quite strange these days
Technology holds the power to your smile in so many different ways

For you aren't around now yet
Each memory we shared stays
In my heart and amidst my gallery in a phase
Covering everything from where we ate to where we met

Sometimes I'll stare at the sky
Wondering what would make you smile
Asking my self just the reason why
Are you away from me, a thousand miles

Is this the fate of our lasting bond
one side breaks apart and another one responds
was it the situation or the distance at play
for us not texting each other throughout the day

Maybe expecting that notification is my definite mistake
for not everyone can live up to this false piece of cake
There's not a day where I don't think of you
not an effort gone by where I wish all this was still new

It's strange how quickly special turns to normal these days
what once meant the world to me is now just a blurry haze
Despite all this, I shall keep waiting each day
for you to be back in just the same way

Those Long WhatsApp VNs
Gosh we had so much to say
That was all we had
In this modern-day

what's the point of building friendships if all they do is knock you down?

i dreamed of you again
your smile that reaches the sky
your laughter that drowns my senses
the way you used to pull me close
we would walk together wherever we go
an adventure ready to be explored

i woke up with tears in my eyes
i know you don’t miss me
it’s been almost a year
since no text from you
not even a sincere hello

i don’t care for apologies anymore
i want to know if i mattered enough
for you to miss me
i want to know if i’m all you ever think about
lonely in your bed at night
i want to know if you still kept the poetry book
i gave you
i want to know if you still have the pictures we
took together as memories on your phone
i want to know if i was special to you
the way you were to me
i want to know if you considered me
your best friend

i want to reach out
but i know you’ll laugh at me
i don’t wish you anything
not the best, not the worst
all i want to know is if i mattered enough
for you to miss me

Broken handshakes
Come after whispers.

Silently soft doubts
Summon severed strings
To pluck feathered wings.

A foundation built of stone
Left to crumble alone.

I lived through you abandoning me.
There was a time that I showed you glee,
but now I could never do that again.
You are not a father, you only bring rain.
Broken from your chains, forever am I free.

You said that we were friends, but now I see.
Where there was once care, there is nothing.
Even though our friendship has been slain,
I lived.

We shared a love soaked with beauty,
until you stopped loving and tossed the key;
to my heart, you brought care, but then replaced it with pain.
No longer do I see you in every woman, and every window pane.
By embracing myself and disdaining your vain, I lived.