It’s been twenty one months
And the last kiss I had
Was hasty and cruel
And sour with the taste of lip gloss,
And it was impatient and open eyed.
That was the last time I saw her,
Walking away from the station.

on the platform
a girl drops a pink tissue
and it lies there,
all scrunched up like a rose

sitting in a lull
the dawn ages away, when
suddenly eyes
are upon me.
my terror, instinctive;
my urge to fight back,
just as much so
and quickly taking
over.
escaped though, and
i am left
adrenaline coursing
an added ingredient to
a heady mix
already coursing.
secondary shut down,
and the gates close-
future release denied
suspension of
grief receptacle,
dislodged.
flashback and
the inevitable realization.
mind over matter, every time,
here, take this.
its shape,
****** and shifting.
make it right;
use that rush.
and the environment?
succumbs, and i
whimper
instead of bark, as is
form.
well done, good girl.

in ink upon my spine
a space, long drained
there lies a soliloquy
which speaks
in whispers.
unknown sense
and
the universe laughs,
little girl it teases,
your instant gratification
pathos is showing.
let go
of that battle, the owl cries.
your tight grip on time
a ruse.
missy, cried the moon
this agenda you struggle
with...look at me
how i just show up,
breathe soft one, breathe.
laughing the sun shakes
her voice while throwing light
at the moon, i just show up
too, though i'm oft accused
of slipping away.
i understand your battle,
beautiful girl
because like you, they
assume i return unchanged
my fresh form a mere
oversight.
angrily, the daisies
shake their stalks,
ignored, walked upon,
most beings ignorant
to our stature. yet,
we rise from the soil
rich with the droppings of
the dead. new
made of the old.
unsure of their advice
and where to turn
i fold, inward.
the universe's forces, brilliant
and insightful
meant to empower
instead highlight my
inadequacy and lack
of rooting,
nothing more than unknowns
pouring from an
empty vial that whispers
silence and space.

an early escape
and the week slips by.
a year now, this person,
this professional.
a mask most days, after
years of silent obscurity.
experienced beyond academic
measure
friction and backlash.
but so what
a rock that's never been rubbed?
time marched its
cadence, the past
season folding in on itself
with little evidence of any
living.
december's throes
long forgotten
as those pristine sheets fade
the ocean existed then
and there was optimism.
laughter of course,
because there never really was.
a long goodbye as
a creative cork.
but the surface reappeared,
as it always does
and the bobbing slowed; shift.
finally time contracts
exposes its tears
to the open eye.
souls fall away and
mood affects the
framework. wanderers
passed, their souls sticky
and spring bounced onto stage.
suddenly the weekend looms, and visitors
promised.
the sound in the room slows
and the realization of
present creeps back
in on an endless loop.

the night, long
a period of silence
and i'm trapped
sanity; a literary device.
heavy and pervasive,
pouring through my
work.
feelings hidden, their
meaning diffused
and appropriately
shaped.
and who's to notice?
those who see
even their eyes
hooded by doubts.
disillusioned
the hum persists
and i watch
the clock, my
system flooded
electrically wired and pumping
full-speed
putting the words out
pushing them
their power invasive
and addictive.

As I lay in the grass
Tall and short
Wispy blades
Shuddering in the wind
Waving back and forth
Some blades
Bent and folded
Where I lay on top
Eventually if I ever get up
Those bent blades
Will make a silhouette of me
At least until
They get their strength back

But that might not happen
Because as I lay there
In the summery green
I can feel the rays of the sun
Warm and comforting
They seep through my skin
Swirling and swimming
Slowly melting me
Like a pretty little creamsicle
That was left in the sun
Melting until
The orange and white
Meld together
To create something beautiful

I am like that
As I lay here in the sun
Melting, mixing and swirling
The vibrant colors of who I am
Rare are the spots of black
But mixed in
With the rainbow of my soul
It creates a calming picture
Filling in my form in the grass
Showing the hard and good
Of someone
The hard and good
That make us so beautiful

Then the colors
Start seeping into the ground
After only a few minutes
The blades of grass stand
You could hardly tell I was there
Until
I come back the next week
To my favorite spot
Underneath the tall willowy tree
Its leaves swaying
But before I sit down
I look to the other side
And see mounds of flowers
That hadn’t been there before
I climb the tree to look down
And see
The flowers creating a beautiful girl
Basking in the sunlight
Created by pure and simple
Happiness.