I forgot how it felt to be hungry
How your bones rack for crumbs on the bottom of your heart
My bones feel like brittle; ready to break at a gush of wind
But Brittle is candy
Candy is a sweet delicacy of whom people like me refuse to have
Candy is what I believe I can be
Only if I change into one of those target plastic models
Perfect and pristine, standing as if they are mocking me
Making fun of my creatures in the dark
And my not-so-ideal summer body
I just want a summer body
I want to see what other people see in me
I want to be all that I could be if I was pretty
So I start dropping things off of my menu, drop by drop
First a side dish, then my sugary drink
That drink should go to hell for how much weight it makes me gain
I reach down my throat until my regrets come back up
Reminding me I cannot be pretty the way other girls get to be
Ducking to the restroom after a meal
Anxiety overwhelming every ounce of me as soon as I eat
There is beauty in pain, right?
Or beauty is pain?
Either way, they are correlated
That is good enough to allow me to turn myself in who I want to be
I was over this, I thought I was over being hungry
But then a man stared at me while I was walking to Walgreens
I do this to be beautiful for just a moment
But I also do this to disappear
Don’t look at me like that flesh of meat that day on that broken night
I want it to go away even if it means my bones shake on a sunny day
Even if my soul weeps at night
Even if my friends pick up on what’s wrong
Oh, please don’t pick up on what’s wrong
Can’t you see what you’re doing to me?
Let me be in control of my body
Watch me clatter to the floor and please don’t help me
Let me shake and quake
Watch me wear a heavy sweater and get out of breath walking
Let me substitute food for sweet vapor in my lungs
oooh it tastes sweet like brittle
Let me disappear
Please just let me disappear.

"I'm not hungry"
How many times have
I said that?
This time, it's the
recent woman in my life.
She wants to savor
the buzz.
Food would interfere.
I know it all too
well.
The hell of not
eating to maintain
the high.
Food absorbs.
I used to go
six to ten days
without a bite.
The light goes out.
The brain begins to
eat itself.
She's starving.

So
I hate
HATE
washing dishes. But I don't
discriminate (pots and
pans and spoons and measuring
cups are also on my *****
list)

So
when I bake
in a microwave,
in one bowl,
with one mixing fork,
and no measuring tools,
it's sort of kind
of a bit of
a miracle
when the baked thing rises
AND it
tastes
ok

I just ate a loaf of bread
It was toasted and delicious
The only problem now?
My stomach can be vicious.

End of the food chain

Tasty for lunch

There's a good reason

We swim in a bunch!

Well they knew it was coming,
                        But didn't do a thing,
building in secret, not many knew..

Two by two of species some
   Well known but 40 days
And 40 nights some never
Made it home..

As the waters rose,
And land was swolllowed.
A mother with a child.

"Please take my children,
  "They have not sinned,

"Nothing done against this God.

Noah looked and walked away..

As his children went to help,
                Stay your pity.
The mother is sin so then is
   The child..

A *******
         as out of wedlock born.

Cries lasted for hours,
        Then swallowed like

The land.

"Father why didn't we even
       Save one,

Noah answered

"They angered our father,
   Thinking they didn't need
        His love,

The children confused,

"But if they grew out of
     The cradle shouldn't a
        Father be proud

As self sufficient..

Noah agnerly replied..

"We will always need him,
    He is our father, mother, child.

To deny him is sin untold,
  So he cleaned the slate.

And we his children were
    Saved for we obey,
   His word is just.


As the dove came back,
   Land was fruitful once more

And on the shoreline a child
Face down..

But Noah didn't flinch,
    Walking past he said to
His family,
                    God is good..

Genocide was his gift,
    And not all the animals
That attended found this
                     New home.

There bones discarded
    On the ocean floor.
Two by two they deserted
   This prison ship.

And so Noah and his family
    Repopulated the earth..

Now for the mindful  just
       Think deeply on that.