And sometimes I don’t tell anyone my feelings
As there is no language that could describe them.

How does one create so much pressure that doesn’t exist
And still destroy them?

Life itself makes no sense
And yet here we are

Maybe there was never a place in the world
For people like you and me
We just  happen to be here.

She wanna know my routine
And if my story’s clean
She wanna know what I’m doin’
And if I cheat
She says it’s all intentional
It’s killing me
I care about her heart & soul
But she’s not for me

You know we do a lot of back & forth
You know the moments been high, then really low
I unknowingly been guilt tripping myself
You know you accuse me fast like a pro
You know you have lack of trust in me
You know you treat me cold and that’s really cold
Those DMs, you were choosing me
You know at a time you were my Queen

You know you my brown sugar sweet maple
Know when I chose you, I admire your taste that’s natural
Know starting over isn’t the plan I want with someone else though
You were my type that I wanted to come home to

I gave you more hoping to see you at peace
I believe in your promise for many reasons
It’s hard to love a woman when you’re on the defense
Being reminded is one of many reasons why I’m leaving

She wanna know my routine
And if my story’s clean
She wanna know what I’m doin’
And if I cheat
She says it’s all intentional
It’s killing me
I care about her heart & soul
But she’s not for me

You know we do a lot of back & forth
You know the moments been high, then really low
I unknowingly been guilt tripping myself
You know you accuse me fast like a pro
You know you have lack of trust in me
You know you treat me cold and that’s really cold
Those DMs, you were choosing me
You know at a time you were my Queen

I wanna ask you somethin, ask you somethin before I go.
What’s with the double-standards being in your favor for?
Anything said or done is a problem, it’s hysterical
And the more I think about it, it’s just getting old
I walked away quietly , thought we could build some trust
Since we’re separated , I won’t hit you up
We can find some peace from each other with no rush
Maybe someday time can change the
narrative between us

I love you

But I'm afraid I love you too

Don't want to tempt you with a minor truth

I'm sorry for loving you.

it feels as if everything
needs to be done all at once
watching all your fallen words
while you become a ghost in my presence
a subtle trembling “I'm not ready”
unable to breathe you in
you needing time & space
feeling like any other given reason
strung out to dry
will make you fall further behind

kepala berkecamuk
menumpahkan isinya
tumpah ke dalam ruang di sekitarnya
tak pernah benar-benar terbebas

sehelai demi sehelai terajut
semakin semrawut hingga kusut
mencoba diselesaikan
tak pernah benar-benar selesai

akhirnya terbaring dalam kalut
terbangun karena kusut
benar-benar tak pernah lucut

bagaimana bisa kepala ini
menampung lebih banyak dari apa yang terlihat
membawa lebih berat dari massaa badannya

Authentic City
One of the hardest destinations
To find
Once found hard to stay at
Unless you can find peace
Not always fitting in
Not always feeling liked
Not always being treated equally
Despite being aware of what’s not fair
Or right.

I am in understanding
That I have no control
Over all the thoughts, sensations, and feelings
That I experience
At any given time
I accept this fact
To give me power
Over my reaction
To enable my ability to reply.