You fantasized about her
She was the lion that you could not control
She was the bright fire in the distance
That you craved to behold

You wanted nothing and nobody above her
You extended your dark hands in her direction
You charmed her and tricked her
But I'm sure you have since learned your lesson

You desired to cage natures beauty
You stripped her voice and bound her ankles
You danced & raved "You're mine. You belong to me"!
Then you placed her in shackles

Little did you know then,
As you beat her and starved her hunger
That she was the strongest of the pack
A natural born hunter

You caged a lioness
But don't you know you can't cage a soul?
She may have appeared as a weak one for a while
But you had never caged another like her before

Careless and shallow you were
You beat her until she broke
But all you did was bring out the killer in her
She broke through your chains and sliced your throat.

I write you in angsty lines
wild moments
untouched spaces
raucous instants

I try so hard to write you
out of that crack-ed box
out of perceived notions
out of you in real life
out of this universe

but the truth is

there was never any box
and you were the universe yourself
there were so many more edges to you
sides and shades and depths
that I could never grasp

you are insane and beautiful
and genius and narcissistic and
everything I could want to be
nothing I could hope to be

You once said no one on earth
was sane, and there were people
who weren't fully crazy,
but none that were not
and I saved your words
on my desktop, thinking you had
the world figured out

But as I read your social media
at midnight and on tired afternoons
I realize you are only just
learning life like the rest of us

and we all stumbled through
with scraped knees and tear stains
the only difference was
when the waves receded,
you emerged like a king

I see them in your eyes
Darkest colours of the night
Fearless smile to brighten the skies
Light the way to my heart

I didn’t think I’d lose myself in you
Hesitating to fall,
It was a brave conquest
At the edge of it all
Looking down into a pit
And so I went without looking
Convinced that you’d be at the bottom
To crush my fall
Who knew you were the one to push me.

Observation: People are scared of everything.
I cannot say I am fearless.
But here's the thing.
I believe that we find ourselves in the pain and the ****.
Why are we so scared to feel?
Those happy moments, they're great.
Who doesn't love to be loved and to have smiles and laughs surrounding them affectionately?
But to be so low, to let yourself feel the gut-wrenching, dreadful, anxious, grieving, suffering, numbing pain,
it makes those moments of happiness even greater.
It's no longer a happy moment, it's an exhilarating one.
I swear you'll feel so happy that you wouldn't even care if it was your last moment on earth.
It's no longer a laugh, but a bellow that makes your insides scream of joy.
It's no longer just a baby laughing, it's a beautiful little soul that makes your whole day a little brighter.
It's no longer just a song, it's a beautifully crafted symphony that makes your ears explode.
It's not longer just a day to you, it will be a day in which you do everything possible to take that happiness and spread it to others. And that can be every day.
But to feel this, the truth is that you have to go through the **** first. You have to let yourself be depressed and anxious and moody and angry and sad, because once you've felt it all you'll know that you can get yourself out. And that everything will be okay. And that being lost will get you found again. You can't give up on yourself because I'm telling you this: You can find strength in every pain.

So here's to you life, keep pushing me down and pushing back at me. Because it just makes me want to keep being stronger.

where are the songs about
the wrong girl,
the not-quite-right girl,
the in-between girl?

we exist.

we tell ourselves that we are
no one's one-night-stand,
no one's rebound,
no one's flavor-of-the-week,

but
we would give anything to be
someone's last dance,
someone's first choice,
someone's only hope.

is there so much that is "wrong" with us?

we are flawed.
we are vulnerable,
we are lonely,
we are cynical and shy...

but
we are also proud,
we are strong,
we are fearless and exquisite,

and we are worth more than “happily-ever-after.”

My arms flung wide
Head flung back
And my eyes are closed
I'm floating in black
I'm waiting for that hand
To pull me out
Of this strange land
But I'm also fine waiting,
Here is smooth and calming
Not bad, or mad like passion is
But rather a darkness balming
The sores from the last man who tried

Don't date a girl like her.
Because she giggles too much and trusts too fast and it's all because she's been brokenhearted too many times for things that never shoulda or coulda lasted and learned that life is so much better when you laugh things off and have faith in your surroundings-- including the people.
You'll find that she's rainbows, sunshine, and cotton candy. And much like a day at the carnival you might turn some corners to find all sorts of surprises. And some of them will be dark and scary and some will be taste tries of churros and your favorite sweets that you can't find anywhere else in the world.
She's like a carnival because you'll never find her staying in one place too long, but the things you love most about her-- the thrill rides and the people watching and the sponteneity-- it'll always stay the same.
She'll "borrow" your hoodies and your sweats and you'll probably let her keep them because she looks so cute in them while she's all cuddled up next to you. She'll give you massages after a long hard day as long as she can trust that you'll give them back.
She'll sing along to all the songs she doesn't know but be patient and love her shy confidence because she can only sort of carry a tune and she belts it out anyway. If you compliment her laugh and call it cute she'll smile about it for days because she knows it's obnoxious and she's insecure.
And she's insecure about a lot. She's learning. She's learning to love herself and she's trying. But when you compliment her, and when you remind her that she is good enough, it helps her see that she is worthy of trying to fall in love with.
She's trying to fall in love with herself. She's trying to be the kind of person that she even wants to love. And she's not there yet. But maybe you can help her.
Maybe your fearless singing and your confidence and your faith can help her to become herself. Maybe you can bring her our of her shell. Maybe if you let her steal your hoodies and let her tuck her feet under your thighs because she's cold and let her be open about her life..... maybe then, by those small and simple things, you'll become yourselves together.
And on second thought...Maybe... just probably... you should date her.