Why do I need to avoid reality? Because it is too difficult to face sometimes. Sometimes when we go about life worrying and having anxiety over everything we don't have time to slow down and understand the process connected with what is happening and thus trauma can unfold from many different scenarios throughout a person's life. That is no excuse for any erratic behaviour but it points a fair question to the sceptic; the one who thinks that the way the world works for them; and the beliefs they hold, must also work for everybody else and we just don't question it and go with the flow of how life is meant to happen. You yourself may be unaware that sometimes you set your own agenda against others as soon as you judge their behaviour and put them in the good or bad bin. Let me tell you something, humans are not bred like cattle, we shall not be forced to walk a certain way in the same line to a destination that affects us the same. My death is not equal to your death when we eventually arrive at that point in life. Perhaps you will be in a hospital bed surrounded by shiny white walls and fake nurses, and I will be in a retirement home village watching the clock tick by as I await my favourite TV show. Someone else might by sitting in the comfort of their own home beside someone that loves them listening to the music that always made their heart sing. Why do each of us not think of the other, at this stage in life and prior. Why do we look at one another as if we are merely animals, with sophisticated haircuts and lame routines? Well I don't fit in that box just like a bi ****** doesn't want to be called a ****. (Or they do.) But, that sort of leaves the point in the dust ready to be picked up by the wind and forgotten! Do not forget the very special and unique individual you are! Your needs matter, why on earth is it fair that a man halfway across the world can sit with access to billions of dollars while you scrimp around for a measly amount of change you can spare to buy yourself some ****** takeout.
I edited a draft email I had prepared, to send to whom I don't know, perhaps myself. I thought I'd save it here because it will probably be deleted. I wrote this while I was (still am) in the midst of depression and trying to keep the people in my life happy. I read this email that I'd written, deleted the start of it which was me rambling about needing to buy myself new glasses and how using the internet and my phone was worsening my depression and my relationship with my beautiful children. Who are, by the way. well loved indeed by both myself and partner in crime. However, reading on, I realise as true as that "statement" was, the rest of what I'd written was also true and certainly had some place in my misery, I suppose. Art is and will always be my freedom from 'reality.' The responsibility and purpose in life get quashed by the ******* that needs to take place in order for the totalitarian society to continue to function.