Howling,
To
The Unknown.

Do you want
To run
With them
Tonight?

A pack
Transforming
With moonlight.

Calling you
Forth,
To join
The hunt.

Resounding,
In the night-
It’s a forest
Full of
Dirt paths
And
Dew Soaked
Leaves.

Getting Lost,
And it’s okay,
Here in
The underbrush.

“I can’t forget you.”
“I don’t want you to.”
Living here and now.

Concrete
Covering,
A Paved jungle

Of
Justifications
And
Free lance
Creations.

You open your eyes,
To discover
Reality lies.

The sun
Scorching
Your eyes.

Do you see the world behind that glass door in the woods?
Where you had all the money.
Where you have all you wanted.
Where you can ride on dreams.
Where you can be who you wanted to be.
Where you could be believed.
But...never be happy.
This fantasy I do not want.
Loving this...I can't.
I would just stick onto reality.
Where death is real but still be happy....
Where death is real but life follows behind.

Curled up like a young pup
I snuggle into the safety of my bed,
the delicate scent of dreams
floating through my mind, and bringing
me to the comfort of
you.

Wrapped in your arms
I feel as if nothing can hurt me,
The protector of my heart
shielding me from pain,
Until at last you pull out your sword and
make my love for you bleed,
As you're not really there.

The breeze from my window
caresses my cheek while I lie
paralysed, and I reach out,
rabid for your touch but instead I
clutch at the cold wisps of wind that
tease me, as
You're not really there.

a cigarette is clenched between her teeth
and as she takes a deep drag,
she tilts her head back to exhale
a trail of smoke curls and leaves her parted lips
drifting into the twilight sky
only a trace of its smell is left in its wake
she looks over the edge of the balcony
that hangs over her pool
putting her pressure on her elbow
the blue hues danced across her face
white and blue swim on her skin,
a projection, a reflection
the ashes that fall off her cigarette fall into the pool
and decide to either float or sink into oblivion
the horizon that was once god’s strawberry cotton candy
melted into the dark burnt curtain of night
and as the stars awoke one by one
she took my hand into hers,
and flicked the remains of the cigarette into the unnatural blue below
“come with me” she whispered, breathless,
a smile on her face, a bit more than buzzed
we ran up the stairs laughing,
and i could already taste her strawberry lips
and feel her soft tongue
as night was defeated by light
we lay down to our earned slumber
in the queen sized bed
half covered by blankets and soaked in sweat
as we sink deeper into each other
the fantasies that once filled our mouths
come to life, bursting, drifting, exposed
i would have it no other way

"Tell me, have you ever known one man that never made mistakes in his entire life? Tell me?" hindi ko maiwasang hindi itanong sa kaniya ang mga salitang iyon mula sa kaibuturan ng aking puso.

Nanatili lang siyang tahimik. Wala akong makitang kahit na katiting na emosyon mula sa kaniyang mga mata. Nagawa pa nga niyang balewalain ang tanong ko. Hindi ko alam kung bakit ganoon na lamang niya ako tingnan.

"I need you to see the worst part of me and this is what I am aiming to you right now. Hindi mo ba nakikita kung gaano ako ngayon nasasaktan sa harapan mo, Rheka?"

Hindi ko gustong ilabas ang saloobin ko sa kaniya pagkat sobra akong nasasaktan sa bawat mga salitang binibitiwan ko.

"Hindi pa ba sapat ang mga nagawa kong 'perfect' things sa iyo?" muli akong nagpakawala ng tanong sa kaniya. At sa wakas ay kusang nagkaroon ng sariling isip ang kaniyang dila.

"You have everything a woman will die for, Forester. Those perfect things you showed to me; travel around the world, walking on one of the most beautiful beaches in the Pacific, eating at the most expensive restaurants, and spending time alone were not enough. We were married for 10 long years, but you have never fulfilled my lifelong wish and that's to conceive a child, Forester."

Natulala ako at naurong ang aking dila sa mga salitang lumabas sa bibig niya. Ang buong akala ko ay masayang-masaya na siya dahil lahat ng pangangailangan niya ay naibibigay ko maging ang mga luho niya ay napupunan ko.

"It is not enough to spend one day, once a week, once a month, twice or three times a year spending your time with me. They are all not enough. Hindi sa akin umiikot ang buhay mo kundi sa trabaho mo! Sampung taon, Forester! At sa sampung taong iyon ay puro ka na lamang trabaho, business appointment, at kontrata sa bawat kliyenteng naipapasa mo. Nasaan ako roon sa mga prayoridad mo?" pinilit kong huwag kumurap sa kaniyang susunod na sasabihin.

"I am ending this relationship. I'm leaving..." tinalikuran na niya ako. Napako ako sa kinatatayuan ko pero maagap kong nahawakan ang kaniyang kaliwang braso pero iwinakli niya lamang ito at nagmamadaling lumabas.

Nang unti-unti nang lumalabo ang aking paningin ay doon na bumuhos ang mga luhang kanina ko pa pinipigilan.

Ilang beses kong ipinaintindi sa kaniya mula nang maging kami at nang maging mag-asawa na siya ang prayoridad ko. Sa kaniya at para sa bubuuin naming anak ang lahat ng ginagawa ko. Hindi siya nakapaghintay.

Oo, aaminin kong may mali ako dahil kulang ang oras na inilalaan ko sa kaniya at ang kagustuhan niyang magkaroon kami ng anak ay hindi lingid sa kaalaman ko. Gustong-gusto kong sabihin iyon lahat sa kaniya, ngunit ayaw niya akong pakinggan. Sa tuwing nagkakaroon ako ng oras ay sinisigurado kong naroon ako sa tabi niya.

I have always updated her on my whereabouts and what I am doing because I don't want her to realize that she's not my priority. I even cancelled my appointment and rush into her to save her from danger.

Sinubukan kong tawagan siya nang makailang ulit hanggang sa umabot ito sa sampung missed calls pero pinapatayan niya lamang ako. I even texted her just to explain it to her, but I never recieve a response.

What else can I do? Do I have to end this?

…

After almost a week calling and texting her, I decided to go to her family house. Gabi na nang makarating ako sa kanila. Alam kong naroon lang siya. Pababa pa lang ako ng kotse nang makita kong lumabas siya at hila-hila ang malaking maleta.

"Please, Rheka. Let me explain. Mali ang iniisip **** hindi kita prayoridad... na wala ka sa prayoridad ko."

Iwinawakli niya ang mga kamay ko. Naipasok na niya sa likuran ng kotse ang bagahe niya pero hindi niya pa rin ako kinakausap.

Panay ang wakli niya sa mga kamay ko. Kitang-kita ko kung paano siya mairita.

"LEAVE ME ALONE! From now on, I want you to stay away from my life! Stay away!"

Kahit naiipit na ang mga kamay ko ng pintuan ng sasakyan ay umasa pa rin akong makikinig siya akin pero wala. Wala na akong nagawa kundi ang hayaan siya. Pinaharurot na niya ang sasakyan at ako naman ay naiwang nakatulala.

What else can I do? I was aiming at her heart to forgive me, but its like I'm shooting with a broken arrow.

I went back to my car. Tuliro at basta-basta na lamang pinaharurot ito nang mabilis. Natagpuan ko na lamang ang aking sarili na tumigil sa isang mahabang tulay. Lumabas ako at nagkaroon ng sariling pag-iisip ang aking mga paang umakyat sa tulay na iyon.

With arms wide open while tears running down my face, I jump off the bridge.

Nang unti-unting pumailalim ang katawan ko ay naaaninag ko ang isang puting liwanag na may nakakasisilaw na mga pakpak. Nang imulat ko ang aking mga mata ay naramdaman ko ang pagaspas ng dalawang pakpak sa aking likuran at ako ay inangat mula sa kailaliman ng karagatan.

--Wakas---