superfluous really,

my insatiable pursuit of ecstasy
and ruminations of slaughter
only to find my ferality
alone in introspective cacophony
waiting and waiting for prey.

The crowd squeezes me
back into non-existence
And the world, confines
the crowd
And the void pressures
the world into a sphere
And the universe prevents
the void  from spreading
wild and unchecked.
Ergo,
the universe is squeezing me
back into non-existence.

Like a ******* child
who’s diligent compression
might revert the flow of time
and compensate for
some ancient rash decision

And I
with all my puny might
push myself away from
the moment of conception
let out a mute defying roar
through gritted teeth
through arched back
and through a dripping brow
through trembling
and nausea
and bundles of strained muscles
that resonate
with ever shrinking frequency
until they reach
a breaking point
and crumple to a singularity

It is a battle lost each day
since universes, as they come
are infinite
and I infinitesimal
assigned a finite stay

Came and left
gone and dead
give me life
upon this hearth
I cry

Give me chance
give me death
I’m just a poor man
looking for my life
to save

All my days
I’ve tried
to validate
my own existence
so the pain would
steer away
into the ocean
so blue and everclear
don’t tell me I’m saved
save myself in the meantime

Free my head
free my heart
free my hand from this
bloodstream rolling and collating
down my sideburns so
hot hot hot
burn burn

Stop

Knocking behind my eyelids
like magma underground
but hell is a place above ground

Disaster is no whisper today
It is roaring in both ears
And the onslaught won’t let up
Won’t let go
In spite of my squirming
My flailing
It won’t let go!
And it has a hold of my throat
And a hold of my screams
—I can’t even scream!
Its grip grows tighter
When I let out a breath
I am choking
And crying
Wishing I could drown myself in my tears
But it laps them up like honey
Every drop a precious jewel to add to its hoard
My swords are shattered and tarnished by its poison
Useless against this vile beast
I’m just another victim
Dying in a lair
Where no sound escapes
An echo chamber of desolation
A labyrinth of death
That I’ve lost my soul to.

Landed on this lone star

Stranded in limbo among fellow lost souls

The sinners, rejects, and fallen angels

We are all in oblivion together

Here in this holding cell

Waiting for something

Don't know what it is or when

But it'll be better than this

Hoping salvation will come

Making the best out of the worst

We are glitches in time

Ghosts of future, brighter selves

Soon enough this will all be forgotten

We are just visiting

I live in a room unlike the others
There is no collection of books lining the walls
No box of records lying in the corner for me to flip through
Nothing haphazardly littering the floor to keep me from walking
No unfinished paintings tucked away somewhere
No counters covered in dishes, and no full sink

There is no sink at all
Or any place to **** and ****
And I can only bathe
In what I want to wash myself clean of
I live in a room with walls of plastic
And an aroma of ozone from burning out
I have spent so much time running around the room
Because there doesn't seem to be anything else I can do

Right now I'm tired; I am resting
But I will miss that ozone
And I will keep on running
Like I have forgotten that there is no door
Or window to climb out of
There is only use in escaping what is in the room
I rest to escape the running
When there is too much happening
And the ozone burns my nose
I run to escape the idea that nothing ever happens
And nothing ever will.

I guess this is what a real life existential crisis feels like.
Small bits of thought swirl through my head,
A tornado of broken glass.
And now that the wind has settled,
I struggle to fit the pieces together
In a way that would resemble a window
Through which I might view myself.

What does it mean to be human?
Does it mean that your body is flesh and bone?
My body is made of plastic.
What are you made of?
What makes a person whole?
Is it fulfillment? Happiness? Soul?
Whatever the case, I am not whole.
Are you?
Are humans intelligent or ignorant?
I am both.
Which one are you?
Are humans kind or wicked?
I do not know which one I am.
Do you know?
Do humans get to choose who they are?
I have tried to mould myself as best I can, into the person I want to be
Have you?
Are you human?
I am, decidedly, not human.
I am that which I do not know of
I am that which I do not wish to discover
I hope never to know who I am.
Who are you?