I'm not mad, I have already forgiven you.
You broke my heart multiply times, not just my heart, but also me, you broke me whole.
You were toxic, you were the most toxic person I have ever knew.
But still, you were the best one I ever had.
Even though most of the time I felt unloved and not good enough,
Even though a lot of times I was happy when you were not around.
You were still the best.
You taught me to get out of toxic situations and relationships.
You taught me my worth, you taught me to stand up and say " I deserve better".
You taught me that just like love, even heartbreak doesn't last.
You taught me how to heal.
Even though I am not fully healed yet from you, I will.
For a time, I hated you, for how you treated me and for breaking me and for making me feel the worse ways someone could feel.
I hated you for when you told me that your biggest regret was dating me.
Those words still pierce through my heart like a knife.

But I want you to know that,

I want you to be happy wherever you are.

I swore not to write you,
but I cannot sleep
because I envy your pillow

How it carries
your curls, dreams,
and tears too

Your old bed sheets get
to inhale your scent while
I suffocate from your absence

I still remain in mine
burning, yearning,
dreaming of you

I will set fire to your bed,
so you would rest your
head upon my chest

Lay with me tonight
till you find your peace
on someone else’s

what a journey today was
it was as if everything i envisioned became a reality
sitting in the passenger seat, watching your ****** expressions as you spoke
reminiscent of the times our lips would interlock
reminiscent of when my gaze would be fixated on that smile of yours

it must be illegal, to even think of such a thought
because you were the one who hurt me most
yet today, speaking as if we were best friends felt so comfortable
it felt as if time never passed
speaking of our distant memories of when we were together
as if it was some form of amusement only we could understand

the fact i'm even writing about you feels illegal
but i can't help but think about how it felt looking in your eyes today
the same pair of eyes i once used to think belonged to the man i loved
i was freshly fifteen at the time, but my heart felt so attached to you
and the fact that i'm an ice cold stone now, who can't feel anything, surprises me more

or so i think

I have never wished
for anything from life

But if there is one thing
I truly wish for before
I am in the arms of death

It is
to be held
by her

To soak in her
warmth, scent,
and harmful touch

To melt deep
between her thighs
till I dissolve completely

To release an inhuman cry
from under my skin into
the dark abyss of her pupils

To be kissed by
her cruel mouth
before death comes to kiss

Love,
you should have kissed me
before my lips started to bleed

You should have teared me apart
before my flesh turned into
a graveyard of longings, for you

But I promise you this:
No one shall touch me
after you, not even I

My aching body,
my worn out mouth,
my fever-burned eyes,
my hungry heart,
and the rest of me
is yours for a lifetime

Though these words
strangle me to write,
you do not long for
me as you once did

I do not know who else to be
if not your lover all-night long—
Endlessly

well it must be love when

our bodies crash together
caramel pleasure rushing and swilling
hot and sweet bourbon
heavy breaths hold still
my snakecharming lover
when gravity bends

well it must be love when

in dark times we rage and seethe
dragon tongues with words like blades
phantom fists for pounding hearts
we crumble together
my siamese lover
when the world ends

What is there left to say?
I am weary and out of breath,
but if my words ever reach you

Know that I am willing
to live twice for you,
if you are near me

Love,
I will miss you
for a lifetime

And it is alright,
you can touch me,
but do not leave any bruises

Write me a poem,
I promise I will not say
I am unworthy of you

Lie to me, my darling one
Tell me you love me,
I wish to only be adored by you

Hold my trembling hand,
I desperately need to feel
peace for a little while longer

Soak your scent
into my tortured skin
for I need your warmth

Make me cry,
but do not lick the tears