I remember when the chemo failed,
your family asked the doctors "isn't there something you can do?"
they turned to me, like I was guilty,
and said "no, you're wrong, this can't be true".
"palliative care" "hospice" "comfortable" euphemisms fell from my mouth,
they tasted bitter like acid and lies--
I wanted to scream and cry and tear my heart out.

At night I lay in an empty bed,
and when I sleep I dream,
I wake up next to a body bag,
my mouth too terrified to scream.

On the fourth floor of the brick wall barricade,
We stood at the window watching the rain,
I felt calm watching water drop suicide;
I thought how it'd be nice to die by your side.
My mind breached every professional boundary,
but my mouth remained closed,
looking back it was obvious-- they should've let me go.

I stayed with you on the worst days,
when you couldn't pick your head up from the bed.
Instead of encouraging movement and intervention,
I just sat there, right or wrong, and tried to follow what you said.

First I would like to thank everyone for being here today to pay his or her respects to my grandfather Robert Sohm. He would be pleased to see so many of his friends and family here today. Whether you knew him as a husband, father, grandfather, or friend, you probably had the same level of appreciation for him that I did.I would sincerely like to thank all of you on behalf of our family.  While we know that Grandpa is deeply deserving of the love you’ve shown, the outpouring of support we’ve received in recent months, weeks, and days has been truly overwhelming

He  lived a full life and had four amazing children and Seven grandchildren one being myself

His wife Pat is a great women. My Grandpa and Grandma were the ideal team.  I’ve often thought of them as the original power couple.  They were inseparable, and took care of each other for 50 years.
She is a huge part of our family and I hope she knows that we will always be here for her. Sometimes I’d wonder how either of them would ever manage should one go before the other, but over the past few days I’ve come to realize and appreciate that many of you will help take care of my Grandma through the tough times to come.  I know she is in good hands.
I know I'm not alone when I say we are always here for you and we love you
and respect you so much. If you ever need anything please do not forget that.

My Grandpa might not be a super hero, but he's my hero.
He's a soldier who had to conquer many battles in his life.
He's a fighter and someone who loved with all of his heart.
He's the "claw", and a best bud
Someone who may not function like everybody else but is able to bluntly tell it like it is and go the extra long mile to get stuff done one handedly
I wanted him to be the one who walked me down the aisle on my big day.
God has made other arrangements for him.
It's hard loosing someone who's your fatherly figure,

He was a caring person but he knew how to stand up for what he believed in and I think everyone here has a good memory of grandpa that they could share. I think we have all had a piece of us taken away but we can rest easy knowing he is in a much better place. My grandpa was a great man. When I think about him the words that come to mind are: my best bud , the claw, caring, humorous,  storyteller, and family man. These are just a few words that come to mind, but it is impossible to summarize how great a person he was in words.

He was a shoulder to lean on, a friend to rely on, and a rock for our whole family. I think about family values and how they aren’t the most important thing to people anymore. My family has always been close and always stuck together. My grandpa's pride and joy was his family.

My earliest memories of time spent with my grandfather are living at and visiting his house when me and my sister were kids. We would hide in the back room and wait for him then sneak out when we thought the coast was clear and he would come chase us pretending to be the claw.

He might have been stern with us, but Grandpa loved us kids. Family brought joy to his life — and he brought joy to us, in his own, sometimes grumpy, way.

We say that he has gone to a better place — but Grandpa will never truly be gone. He is always with each of us who loved him. It is not for us to think of him as if he was lost from our lives, but rather that we continue forth with him as our companion, celebrating and honoring his life. So I’ll think of him with every class that I take because I knew how much he wanted to see me graduate. Remember how he use to always say how someone wasn't so bright, always making sure I have a jacket when it's cold  yet be the one outside on the deck tanning when it's hot and him betting for football games. I'll always remember how much he loved going to Vegas and seeing his favorite saxophone player Carl. I will Be comforted in the memory of his smile… He’ll be in the small things and the quiet moments, forever by my side. I will miss my Grandpa, and will always be grateful for the time and warm memories I have of him.


We little knew that day,
God was going to call your name.
In life we loved you dearly,
In death, we do the same.

It broke our hearts to lose you.
You did not go alone.
For part of us went with you,
The day God called you home.

You left us beautiful memories,
Your love is still our guide.
And although we cannot see you,
You are always at our side.

Our family chain is broken,
And nothing seems the same,
But as God calls us one by one,
The chain will link again.

Where you were once my sunshine you are now my stars

Sleek as they drip off me
Making you eager to droop and scoop
Every drop like a leech would human blood
But wait, a gorge won’t save your hungered
Soul as my every bit leaves you wanting for more

Dismount your obsessive horse
Of carting away my very essence
Plea me your sins, I forgive like a reverend
Also bring penance as a godsend
For I have what you want and won’t pretend

A soul to spill the lie you want to hear
To cuddle the truth and make her fall asleep
In the imaginary arms of a lullaby princess
Yea! ‘tis what I deal you and very well
Tempting your every fiber to a fault

Girdling my tongue leaves you a goner
For with its wobbling there is succor
Contagious enough to infect Mr. Nobody
Reach the saddened with hope to laugh
Again, saving a tooth from obscurity.

Awoke this morning to build an effigy.
A 9 am text turned it toward a eulogy.

I left exposed
my heart of gold
to another gone soul.

Hospital rooms,
beeps and boops,
my grandmother’s last soliloquy.

Her last trip through memory lane;
I listen intent, every word
branding onto my brain.

I beg just a little longer be
the bearer of the key
to this exclusive library, her history.

But, alas the doorway is flooding.
God has shut the ark door.
No salvation is coming.

Pulmonen et vita submersi,
analogon Atlantis

(Lung and life drowned, analog of Atlantis)




Goodbye ‘Maw-Maw’ Nell Broussard

When I die,
I do not want vacuous truths at my written eulogy.
I do not want people hear lies about me.

“She was beautiful.”
I am not. I was not.
Beautiful people knew how to dress.
They do not act like an awkward mess.

“She was strong and brave.”
I am not. I was not.
Strong and brave people do not cry themselves to sleep.
They do not consider themselves as a heap

“She was smart.”
I am not. I was not.
Smart people are not afraid of choices they make.
They are confident about the risks they take.

Before I die,*
I want you to know that I am dull, anxious and dumb.
I am broken and small like a piece of crumb.

You enticed me, your neighbor,
Newly moved in right upstairs
With aromas of your cooking.
And you invited me to share.
We started then to get close
Like brother and sister were we
That had different parents
But still becoming family.

I ******* about all and sundry
You smiled and said let it go.
I complained about the heat
You laughed and told me “Go
Down to the beach and play;
Get wet and come on back
Then remember Missouri
And see what little you lack.”

And, nobody laughed so,
Delighted with my every jest.
Never remembered punch lines
Yet swore mine were the best.
If I passed near her doorway
I was urged to come inside.
This was the very doorway
Where camaraderie did abide.

So, for a decade we took
Samples of what we cooked
Up and down the stairs
To each other and each took
That deep and abiding pleasure
Of having someone upstairs
Who had that cup of sugar
Or that butter we could share.

I live today with gratitude;
I was blessed, for however long
To listen to the lovely music
Of friendship’s gentle song.
I will miss the coffee shops
And boulevard people watching.
I need to stop this for now as
My throat seems to be catching.

I left the scent of bleach
To the palms of my father
And disavowed his residence,
A rock atop, “Mount Redeye.”
Let him keep the – sore back,
Torn ankle and manic boss too.

In adamancy, I mention this,
Special sort of, “resolute,”
While sipping nectar
Blanketed ether
Come the first minute
I ought be somewhere else.

And it’s when our sun greets,
The, “guilt,” the, “grief,”
Or tomorrow’s, “acquiesce,”
That I’d taste an awkward
Twitch of, “failure,”
Unbecoming last night’s plum;

Something lesser than sweet,
And a torture at tip of tongue –
An existence’s, “respect,”
Fermented, “20 years,” overdue,
Come peak, the admission of
My unrelenting weakness.

And though I’d never really
Known, “Him,”
I knew what he did,
I did what he did,
And’d lasted only days,
Having worked if only hours.

I’d left jobs before; he couldn’t.
I’d walked before; he wouldn’t,
And how my sweet amnesia failed;
But rather, scarred; burnt sacred,
Blunt, and brim of soul, prior
Sobriety and when I wept, “Father.”