It’s hard watching something die,
And wither away.
Wondering if I could’ve changed,
Or was it fate?
But here we are,
Without the spark,
We once shared.
I’m letting out the guilt,
That I’ve built,
About a relationship that I can say,
Will never be repaired.

We used to click,
Now we don’t,
We used to talk,
Now we won’t.
I’d like to know where,
It all went wrong.
Was it me?
Was it you?
Was it going to happen all along?
If it was,
I wish,
I had been a better friend.
Then perhaps,
It would be,
A less painful end.

I start to question,
The foundation of our friendship,
If things broke apart so easily,
Without any indication.
Perhaps I misjudged the situation,
And ran off with unclear intentions,
I seem to do that best,
Unfortunately.

We’d known each other for years,
For it all to act like it was never there.
Did I make a mistake?
Did my expectations change?
Did I ruin everything?
Too afraid to ask,
So I’ll suffer in silence.

All of this confusion,
For something I don’t understand.
Some he said, she said, foolishness,
Was all that it took for our friendship to end?
And our friend group to shatter to pieces?
I thought we were close to each other,
That we care about one another,
I guess that was bitter delusion,
From a boy who was desperate for inclusion.

I never felt like I belonged,
We were always on,
Different wavelengths.
While you and the others would carry on,
I sat in silence,
Not knowing what to add,
Or what to say.
Questioning whether it would’ve mattered anyway.
I guess I was a fool.
I guess I shot myself in the foot,
So much that I can barely stand.
Never would I have dreamed,
That this was how things would end.

Was I too seclusive,
And too elusive?
Did I not listen enough?
Was I too much of a lonely punk?
Did I push you away?
Did I ruin everything?
Was I the reason things turned out this way,
Cause I changed?
Or was this preordained?
I know as we grow,
We change,
But why did it come so soon?
Last year we went to a movie,
A get-together I actually went to.
Yet, here I am now,
In the fallout,
Mourning what was broken down,
Surrounded by ashen-covered ground,
The smoke, all around.

Perhaps I’m just a fragile snowflake,
Lamenting on past mistakes,
That there’s no hope to change,
So why question it every day?
I can feel it fading,
And I know that I’m turning,
Into a stranger,
As the memories start growing hazier.
In ten years, I won’t remember your name,
And that’s what’s even stranger,
I thought we’d be friends for longer,
I guess that was wishful thinking.

Occasionally, we wave,
But we both know that’s not the same,
As the talks we’d have,
And the walks we walked together.
Now we’re both growing older,
As our chemistry starts reacting slower,
Till the entropy,
Fades into obscurity.
I wish I’d known sooner,
That things would turn out this way,
They’d be things I’d change.

So what’s left to say?
I’m standing at the graveside,
Crying and wondering,
What happened?
What madness,
Caused this?
I’ll put a bouquet,
On the grave,
And walk away,
As the days of our childhood fade.
Did I make the right choices?
Did I hurt you?
I’m sorry if I did,
I never meant to,
I just wanted to be your friend,
And I was for a time,
But that time’s passed,
Because nothing lasts.

I’m sorry,
And thank you,
For everything…

When my chest feels heavy, my heart surrounded by sorrow.
I wish to feel nothing, I don’t want to see tomorrow.
I search for the answer, wondering when this will end.
The question itself wonders, I choose death to be my lonely friend.

Now I am at my decision,  I recall every feeling.
Guilt covers my vision,  regret loses its meaning.
I don’t think I can come back, I don’t even try.
Who sees what this head has, when I was left alone to cry.

When you arrive at my ending, I will remain silent that day.
When you wonder what I was hiding, why I chose this pathway.
The mystery covers your mind, so does the heaviness of maybes.
I wish you to keep me in your good sight, that’s the last wish you can grant me.

Now I am not breathing, but I feel so relieved.
The sorrow is at its ending, I am stepping into my land of dreams.
It offers me numbness, what I was eagerly wanting.
I am immune to emotions ; finally, the heaviness has ended.

The air is heavy with undone fate,
the sky, a wound that will not bleed.
Time stirs but does not break,
a serpent coiled, forever waiting to strike.

The stars lean close, breathless,
whispering of ruin too long withheld.
The earth quivers on the cusp,
but still, the fall does not come.

Let it end.
Let the sea unmake its name,
the fire carve its final hymn,
the wind unspool the last thread of dusk.

I have stood too long in the hush of collapse,
watching shadows stretch,
watching the world poised to fall—
but never falling.

Let the silence shatter,
let the weight be lifted.
I am weary of waiting.

I know the end;
like the harsh shine of the sun,
and the soft glow of the moon.
One comes around,
and the other turns away.
Like a grand finale,

into a fresh, new start.

I know the end;
like coastal waters.
Rushing to the shore
and drifting away,
bringing when it returns

cold tsunami, or gentle wave.

I know the end;
like a distant friend
that laughs over the phone,

sometimes you never meet again.

I know the end,
it’s closer than one can see.

But after the end,


comes a new beginning.

I stand on a cliff,
at the edge of the world.
Letting the wind and the sky envelop

me.

I run for it.
I run for the adrenaline and the life.
The ground breaks beneath
my feet

I float with the air,
the sun is in my hands.

The world crumbles.
Nevermind,
the stars still look after me

even as I
awake.

I am trying to stop looking for you
signs or silence, there's nothing to decipher
no run-ins or coincidence
I don't even know if it'd satisfy
a glimpse of a life
that still holds out hope
for me, for us
because for all I know
that doesn't exist anymore

I can't quite place my rage
if you can even call it that
angry at your optimism in us,
in what you were capable of
angry with myself for letting you in
angry that I tried, again
only for it to end the same way