#eatingdisorder poems on Hello Poetry

Tijana Jul 2018

Food

I dont want food to be my adiction anymore
I don't want to numb my emotions by yet another drug
I dont want to sweep everything underneath a rug.

Yes Ive did it wrong, but what could I do?
Food was the only thing that gave me comfort, its not like I've could've shoot up ******* in my veins at the age of 10.

But I had food, a sick adiction, a temporary fix, for problems that are much deep.

It's a miracle that I could've even function under such amounts of stress, But I did it brave without showing any signs of distress. And why, why wouldnt I feel disstress and pain? anyone that walked in my shoes would feel the same.

So this is my solution, a sour and sweet absolution, from now on there'll be no supstatution for how I feel.

#eatingdisorder #psychology #cptsd #trauma #eating #overating #adiction #badhabits

ElEschew Jul 2018

A Letter to Food

Dear food
Why do you take so much energy to chew?
Why cant you stay in the ground where you grew?
Dear food
Why do you feel so heavy in me?
Why do you stay in my arms
my stomach
my thighs
Making them jiggle and filling me with lies
Why make me cry?
Cookies are great
God i miss spaghetti
or spepetti, i called it once
now im a woman
Who would never consume you
If i didnt need you
In my belly
In my mind
You are purely numerical
No longer flavorful

#anorexia #food #eatingdisorder #eatingishard

just some random poems Jun 2018

Counting

I started counting
counting my calories
the numbers between my thighs
how many times I lied about being "fine"
I cant stop counting
I'm counting down
Ill stop counting when i hit

Zero

#eatingdisorder #selfhate

Scarlet Niamh Jun 2018

To the Bone

To the bone I am becoming,
losing track of what I wanted to be,
I'll find myself being pencilled in
with grayscale tones painted over me.

To the bone I am becoming,
break my fingers, my limbs and my soul,
you'll touch me as you wish, burning me thin,
'til I'm fragile - no parts of a whole.

To the bone, I am becoming,
even though I'm desperate to try,
because all I can taste is your hands on my skin
and bitter and dark was the fight.

To the bone, I am becoming,
I'm addicted to losing control.
My bedroom is littered with matchsticks and gin,
To the bone
To the bone
To the bone.

~~ Trying, failing, rinse and repeat. ~~

#eatingdisorder #eating #fear #body #thin #bodyimage #sadness #lonely #pain #taste

Geanna Jun 2018

Disorders

Do you know it feels to look
in the mirror and be
disgusted with what you see?
To always think you're a fat pig

Do you know how it feels to starve?
To feel your body eat itself
To hear your stomach
beg you for food

Do you know how it feels to
constantly work out?
To continue even if you're tired
and start crying

Do you know how it feels to force
yourself to *****?
To re-taste every meal and
have it all come rushing back out
To clean your ***** off of the toilet

If not, then congrats
You don't have Body Dysmorphia, Anorexia nor Bulimia

If so, then i'm truly sorry
just know that you're not alone
Things will eventually get better, I promise

~ G.P.O
I made this a bit over a year ago. I added the very last part

#bodydysmorphia #anorexia #bulimia #eatingdisorder #depressed #struggle

Ellie Grace Jun 2018

Quest for perfection

My reflection haunted me
following me wherever I went
each mirror, window, glass pane
depicted a stranger’s body
a body that I wanted to disown
I burnt my house to the ground
abusing my fragile mind and body
distorted images of myself constantly flashed by my eyes
a vision that only I seemed to be able to see
a disillusioned truth I was unable to escape

Picking myself apart
slowly plucking away at each string
Unravelling
searching for something
anything good
yet always coming up empty handed

I desperately craved a sense of satisfaction
I never managed to taste
no matter how much I manipulated my body
making it painfully disappear
it was never enough

Truly believing that my flaws
my insecurities
were the only thing that I possessed
my refection only ever revealed the things I lacked
the ugliness of it bringing me to tears

My tormented mind drove me to extremes
completely losing myself and any sense of sanity
illogical thoughts became logical
controlling my actions
dictating my life

Somewhere along the way
my quest for perfection
Became a quest for self-destruction

For death

#anorexia #eatingdisorder #mentalillness #death

Belle Jun 2018

it wont be okay

don't tell me it's going to be okay
when all i've eaten today was my own fingernails and a smoothie
but i want that ******* cupcake---
when i eat it though i dont even enjoy it, i force myself into hating treats so that i dont win.
so i take a bite and i just want to cry
don't tell me it's going to be okay
when no other treatment center will accept me anymore
and my insurance barely covers me because they're so fed up
i've left AMA twice and have been kicked out three times
now it seems im about to go to my seventh round of residential and people are saying i have control over it
"the eating disorder is not a separate entity" they say
then why do i want to eat but i'm literally being forced not to
then why do i want to say sorry to everyone i've hurt and every person i said "im not eating" to that has just wanted to help me, but the eating disorder tells me to focus on myself
then i must be the dissappointment,
then i must be a ****** person
don't tell me it's going to be okay
when i want to go home and just be with my mom
when i'm scared my dog is starting to like my mom more than me and it makes me want to crumble in agony everytime he follows her and not me, and won't sleep on my bed anymore any time im home. because all ive done to him was leave him for treatment
i understand if he hates me
don't tell me it's going to be okay
if all i want to do is isolate
and nap
and cry
and cut everyone out of my life,
even the ones i love dearest
dont tell me it's going to be okay
when i see my weight go up not even a pound
and i want to rip my skin off
and throw myself in front of a moving vehicle
not quite die but feel the pain i believe i deserve after gaining
don't tell me it's going to be okay
when i THRIVE off the look people give me when i say i havent eaten all day
or have thoughts of harming myself
and everytime someone says "gee you look sick"
i feel like im doing something right
don't tell me it's going to be okay
when i couldnt even get through a semester of college
without nearly dying
and am supposed to be going into my junior year but i've only got enough credits to be a first semester freshman
im a failure in all aspects
don't tell me it's going to be okay
because it wont be.

#anorexia #depression #depressed #bulimia #eatingdisorder #ed #sad #sadness #recovery #treatment

Geanna Jun 2018

Her End

Her wraps, her tears, her health, Oh dear
She's fading, she's gone, once it's past dawn
She's smiling, she's laughing, like she's truly happy
She's suffering, she's dying, she finally stopped trying

~ G.P.O

#suicide #selfharm #eatingdisorder #depressed

Ellie Grace Jun 2018

Tenuous facade

The blame was a burden on its own
the constant hum of voices
a guilty conscience that won't fade
guilt that builds
filling the voids left by your actions
threatening to break through the surface
of your carefully rehearsed act
the weight of it crushing
drowning in perennial sorrow
cracks running so deep
valleys carved into your soul
threatening to shatter with the slightest change of the wind

#guilt #eatingdisorder #mentalillness #depression

Ellie Grace Jun 2018

Twisted game

I had no right to make you watch
whilst i toyed with my life
pushing the boundaries
desperately searching for an escape from
this confining skin

Making you watch me bleed yet refusing help
denying any wrong
taking no responsibility for the consequences of my actions

You unknowingly became a part of my game
without consent i latched onto you
dragging you down

Asking questions that had no right answer
blaming you for my thoughts
pleading for answers that you never held

I expected some outward force to save me
not recognising that i held the answers within
i possessed the antidote from the beginning
i was simply unwilling to use it

#anorexia #eatingdisorder #bulimia #mentalillness #apology