You say I pulled away.
You're right.
But before I left,
I withered beneath the weight of your storm.

I didn’t mean to become the silence
you dreaded waking up to.
But every slammed door,
every name spat like venom,
taught me how to become invisible.

You think I planned it —
as if my tattoos were eulogies for us,
my piercings an escape route.
No.
They were armor.
Each needle a promise to myself
that I still existed
underneath the noise.

I loved you.
God, I did.
When we laughed,
it felt like we’d invented language.
When we touched,
I thought the world forgave us.

But I was bleeding
while trying to bandage your rage.
And in the quiet after your anger,
I started to disappear.

I wasn’t waiting to leave —
I was hoping you’d notice I was drowning.
But you were too busy
trying to prove you were already underwater.

And I know my hands weren’t clean.
I bit back,
with sarcasm, with silence,
with withdrawal.
We hurt each other
because we didn’t know
how not to.

You were my home.
But I couldn’t survive the fires
you kept lighting inside the walls.

So I left.
And I still ache —
because I wanted us to grow,
not burn.

don't look at me now
I'm going to fall
make a mistake
it's all meant to break

close your eyes
turn around
I'll be back
soon

shut the door
no one will hear me roar
cover your ears
just in case

coming back
just like I said
open your eyes
look I'm okay
do you see that I'm breathing?
and maybe some eating
stop I don't want attention
I need perfection
don't look
I don't want to be a book
don't read
I'm not a treat

don't look
I'm going to fight
not shining bright
close your eyes

don't worry about the gap
where you didn't see the wrap
it's better not to know
just follow the flow
don't stop to think
you're misplacing the ink

the door a point
with 2 views

inside the room
mistakes and shards of glass
outside the door, only grass

even if I'm outside the room
my head’s still inside
wanting to be alone
fighting on my own
stronger I get
but what's still left?
don't deserve a thing
not even a phone ring
reviewing my mistakes
no place to meditate

the right path
a way to look with the door
open

so I and you can see
what's all inside of me
no hiding spots
then you will learn I once felt lost
and I will learn that I maybe deserve a spot

but for now that's not easy
for me it all sounds cheesy
but I guess it's always hard
to go to the start

so
for now I'll close the door
you won't hear me roar

look at me when I'm down
and I won't drown
won't forget the past
or what has last
I won't bet with the brains in my head
but I will with eyes of breath
those ones I have
cause I know your face
more than my ways

“Throw her into the deep end,”
they said.
“She’ll learn to swim soon enough.”

Maybe she will,
but you know,
it won’t be easy
the tides will grasp her firm
and try to drag her under
her lungs will scream
she may wail
and desperately thrash
the tumultuous current will beat her down
her arms ache, so does her heart
she’ll sink once or twice,
wonder whether it’s worth the fight,
but with time
and I can’t say how much
she will gain strength
and slowly but surely
she will begin to swim against the current
claw her way back
to the shallow end
and she’ll be able
to look them all in the eye
scars bare, clothes torn
but a wicked smile.

I’m drowning and nobody can hear
I’m suffocating but nobody sees
I’m slowly dying
But not a soul is there to witness it
I’m alone
In a room full of people
My heart is shattered and strained
From loving too much
Love without reciprocation
They see me but they don’t see who I am
What I feel
I spent every wish and piece of luck
Wishing they wouldn’t leave me
Even though I’m drowning
And they’re not there to pull me out

I wish I could cry it out
but instead I cry inside
There tears are flowing
and they drown my mind.

L.C.

drowning 6.20.25 (3:39 / 15:39)
drowning drowning drowning
flailing failing failure to surface on an endless
sea
of sad dark and death it’s all in my head i think
i think yes i’m right for once
it’s all in my mind and nothing is real
except the dark

drowning drowning can’t breathe
i’m going to die
g a s p  of  a i r
it’s momentarily bright
and then i sink
back
under
the sea

Holding the smile on my face feels fake,
Talking about it only brings more hate,
I fear it might already be too late,
Outrunning time and tempting my fate.

They stand around me laughing at my mistake,
Not knowing what I'd do to just not be awake,
To not feeling as pointless as the poems I make.

Watching as it gets harder,
Drowning in the running water,
Hoping they turn the tap off at my offer,
But it brings them pleasure—to watch me suffer.

Laughing while i slip away,
Taking drugs to help the ache,
Taking pills like candy—with a smile on my face.

I fade away to only a whisper,
Watching life flicker.

The tap water is turning into a lake,
Slowly pulling me below the surface,
And all I do is hope to break.

But even drowning I still breathe,
Clinging to truths I half believe.

The mirrors cracked, but it doesn't lie,
It just tells half the truth, yet
There's still a fire beyond this cry.

The current pulls, but I don't cave,
Scars may flood, but I won’t drown—
This time, I swim in the lake. Barely not going down.

I am left yearning to drown,
When smothered in your love.
Breath, breath is optional,
I live off of your love.

Addiction, obsession, craving,
Need, you are need,
So I repeat the same words back to you,
Drown me.