trembling fingers, palpitating heart, and the corners of my lips shake as i say hi to you. i fear my feelings are looking for an exit. i am terrified that they’ll show you how much i long for you.
i say "hi, how are you today?"
but i mean hi, i want to take a swim in your eyes, i want to devour your very soul, your hair looks so soft today, is this how your embrace feels? did you see the moon yesterday? it reminds me of you, you know. the fullness, the coldness, the light, the madness, the distance. i dreamt of you yesterday. you drew henna on my hand, and that gentle hold is all i crave right now.
i say "hey, by the way, i think you might like this book."
but i mean can i read it to you? can we lay on the grass on a brisk morning as i do so? or maybe i can read it to you on an evening instead, in a warm living room that smells of musk and tenderness?
i say "here's my copy, give it a read, i left some notes in it though"
but i mean maybe it's better that i can't read it to you. maybe it's better that you'd read it alone. i like that you'll carry pieces of me home.
i say "let me know what you think"
but i mean your voice soothes me. i want to take a calm stroll down your thoughts. i like the way your dark eyes twinkle when you make a witty remark.
i say "enough of you today. see you later"
but i mean time is a spiral, and i feel like i explored some of its folds with you before. i carry you with me everywhere i go nowadays. i'm not sure i like it, i'm positive i cant help it. i'm always both scared of and grateful for my feelings.
i say "salam"
i mean salam. i send it you as i’m driving home. i send it to you as i'm looking at the lake at night. i send it to you as i write this.
