figures, flames and dancing silhouettes
shades and flashes and a zing
warmth, chills and lost in azure cloud
falling to a limitless pit
a face a mirror a pathway
a door a lamp a distance
a shadow a fear a climb a cliff
a death a memory a gateway.

They can separate themselves from their demons
I can’t
The demons I carry around have been my best friends for so long,
I can’t tell the difference from them,
And me
They know when a thought is being placed there from something non-human
I don’t
They talk so much it pours out my mouth
The demons say they love me,
So Me, being desperate for love
Accept them
Then I follow their rules
- eat little- sleep none- cry always- tears never
And so many more
I’m no longer self-regulated because I'm no longer myself
They swallowed me
Since I can’t tell the difference between us, I willingly gave myself up
Traded myself
For a monster
That only brings others down, or drags me down, to lift others higher
They have become me
They are me
There Isn't a distinction anymore
There isn’t a red font to tell me what ideas to avoid
Because I don’t avoid any ideas at all
Nothing is off-limits, they tell me if I see a thought,
Take it
No matter who it hurts, especially if it hurts me, if you think it, you can do it!
They tell me
You only live once
So they make it hell, but only to prepare me for what’s to come,
They’ve convinced me they only have my best interest in mind, I let them make walls
To protect me

there was always going to be something greater than my want
just look at us
i begged my hands and knees ******
still the universe said: don't
so here we aren't

Like ships in the night
we pass - side by side - not breaking our stride,
not looking left, not gazing right,
barely glimpsing each other, like light-
houses, signals blinking brightly.

For the longest time we were alone
still are, no change tonight, we won't;
I've felt your presence long ago,
it was a silent gift.

How did we not recognize each other
after screaming for so many hours?
Listening to your soft cries  (your blue eyes),
Norwegian wood between us guards your lies -
you pretend to be rich and pretty;
I know you're just the janitor of the ferry.
The first mate, the captain, all remotely
far away and you're all that's left -
you are the second best.

Thankfully I'm not picky,
I don't care if you're not pretty,
I only need to see your hands and heart -
the rough patches are a part - of you, of me, of all the world,
and you're so out of reach, of sight,
and I know that it won't feel right; despite that
we shouldn't feel alone tonight.
And you have a wife-

and I know but I don't care.
You won't hesitate to stare,
and I can feel your bitter look upon my back,
the fingers that won't touch my neck
no matter how much I beg and plead for you to take me
and love me, unconditionally,
before I fall into the sea,
the water claiming me fully,
the waves brutally forcing me
under themselves, generously,
drowning in my bed.

Pushed to the side.
Faded into a lifeless mist.
Presence is gone.
Do I even exist?

I thought it would be just a normal day
seeing the way
clouds drifted across the sky
That is why
I wasn’t prepared
I got scared
when I heard that cry

The entire world screaming as one
Clouds catching on purple fire
blazing into the void of space
Thousand times more scorching
than Hell itself

Seas turning even more poisonous
than they already were
Swallowing lands to feed
the flames above

            Safe to say, there was panic.

Every living creature
in senseless horror
Tearing each other apart
just for a chance
to save themselves

                                     But there is no escape.

In no time
fiery skies and toxic waters
caught them

Devouring
Tormenting
Burning
Drowning

They were fed pleasures and pains
unknown to God
They were shown their innermost thoughts
and they retched in disgust
at the sight of their true selves

Mutilated beyond any recognition
so they could be born anew

Now
they were ready
Now
They were monsters.

Nothing i say
Nothing i do
Not even a sorry
Neither an excuse, nor a sentence
Will change years of silence

Now, all is meaningless
All in the past
The scene was set and
The page have been turned

There is nothing
Nothing will do
The case is closed
No me and you