I am a victim of verbal, mental, and physical abuse
And no matter how hard i try
My scars seems to out shine my smile
I don't try to be negative
I really don't
But when you've experienced the pain i felt
You assume the worst
I take the blame because it's usually my fault
I am the one common denominator
In all the things that I've lost
I ask "are you mad?"
Because its a natural reaction
I tend to bring it out
In those with a mutual attraction
I need constent verification
That i am wanted
Yes, its annoying and it bugs me too
But if you want me tell me
It's my diseases salvation
I get frustrated because im bipolor
I cry because im depressed
I'm sure you regret meeting
This hot *** mess
Ive been used and abused
So i assumed you'll do it too
I'm truly sorry for my assumption
I never ment to judge you
If you've moved on
I truly understand
A man like you
Should be in better hand
All i want to do is add to your happiness
Make you like Texas
Because thats where we met
Give you what you want
Whatever that may be
When you find out, tell me
I'll be sure to deliver with 100% guarantee
But i am sorry
For what? I dont know
I feel like I annoy you
But who knows
I've ran out of words
And the henny is kicking in
I probably shouldn't drive
But **** it! We all die in the end✌
She asked in a serious tone " won't you ever get bored of me, I talk a lot, I don't look that good either, I just love you for some strange reason that I don't even know of "
I said " bodies get bored - soul does not,
About your talking you don't know how much I adore our talks,
About love - I don't have to answer that question"
She asks me this questions daily and I always
Answer the same
Everyday inside me,
There's this constant fight going,
Should I hold onto these people ?
Should I leave ?
I try to answer most of them but often I fail,
Then just to comfort myself I ask,
Why not? Why leave them?
Aren't they a part of your family now,
Aren't they the answer to your prayers,
My heart still unsatisfied and
my brain all senseless
She doesn't understand.
I'm not who she needs, I cannot save her.
my heart beats for her but her teary skies poor down and like Neptune's storms' sweeps away my love for her.
It fills me with rage
Makes me feel cynical
Her eyes tremble and her ankles ache, I ice every part of her body and kiss her tears away
but there's not a remedy for aching of the heart.
I'll save you from the bad man next door, I'll save you from the monster under you bed, but darling I can not save you from yourself.
stop digging your nails into your chest, you can't carve your heart out without dying,
carve yourself out of your casket instead.
sing to me the reasons why your eyes search for my hatred and cry when they find it.
i've told you time and time again that my cloudburst is no match for your hurricane.
no, this most certainly does not mean wait for me to cut you up with knives
no, this does not mean pack your records and leave
it means stay-stay at your own risk.
no, this is not a love letter, nor is this a letter reminding you to pick up your scrunchies on the way out of my chest.
I am not on my knees, nor am I cutting ties,
but baby i'm still feeling cold.
stop pounding nails into your chest,
put them in mine instead.
Listen to Small Hands - Keaton Henson
you think you can throw your life away
without caring what others have to say,
dont take your final breath
because your all that i have left,
you take the last supper way to far
for thats the reason that i have these scars,
im begging you to open your eyes today
and at least see that i can be a reason to stay,
dont pretend like you dont know
that this isnt how it should go,
because i cant live with that as the truth
and the fires burning to the end of the fuse..
They say, "if you love something,
let it go" and that, "if it returns,
it's yours, if it doesn't, it never was",
but does that saying apply to people?
Because I don't want to let you go.
I don't want to let you walk
out of the door to my life.
You won't come back, but it's not
because you never were mine.
It's more because you don't have family here,
and once you're gone you wont have a reason
to come back here.
And it's expensive anyway to fly across the country
just for a visit with someone.
But I'll miss you. I don't want to let you go.
*I don't want you to leave me.
I don't want to sleep without you anymore
too many times I've looked to my phone
in the middle of the night, longing for your
presence; I want to inhale your essence
let me hold you in my arms and explain
how often I picture us touching.
Lets close in the distance and
become one human; individual
no more waiting for us.
If you let me try again
I swear I won't mess up..
Just let me look over and
see the timer on my skype
slowly going up, telling me
that our call is still intact
I don't want to leave your
Please tell me that you're
How did you hide these scars?
Do I know who you really are?
The times are getting harder
Take my hand I'll guide you through
I could be there for you
Just take my hand
Take my hand
Don't leave me here
I have so much to tell you
You deserve to be living with me
I should have known
You can still survive
You never said goodbye
How did I not see these scars?
Why didn't you let me help?
I should have known
You have yet to take my hand
Please speak to me
Do something, anything at all
Just please don't say goodbye.
Cowering under the sheets
I beg of you
Stay, my lovely Illusion
Come back, my Fata Morgana
Do not let me wander off
into that wild, dark night
Keep me from meeting those terrors
those taunting dreams
Shivering from bones to blanket
I reach out to you
Try to grasp your stream of consciousness
Caress the ethereal of your mind
Keep me locked up in you
Have me as an aside of cruel reality
Take what I offer and improve it
See me partially,
see me whole!
You say I'm never there for you
I'm distant, aloof
But honey I've never fallen so dangerously
As I have for you
I know your heart is covered in scars
And distance won't heal your wounds
But I never gave up on us
On what we could be
You're jaded and not sure we're worth
The frustration you feel
But I beg you not to say goodbye
When our love is far from it's end
Maybe I'm just scared we see things differently
That I invented what I wanted to see
But I've only felt the burn of heartbreak once before
And I'd sell my life away
On the faith that if you leave
I won't be the only one left with painful memories
Wondering how we ******* up what should have been