****.
I hate knowing,
    KNOWING
ways to make it all better
and being simultaneously
unable to take advantage
of those socially unacceptable
escapes of mine.
I have to just be here,
plaster on
my societal face
and it's all so ******* fake.
So fake.
All I want to do is give in
to the ever-taunting whims
that are begging,
pleading for release.
It's a dangerous game,
one I know I can't afford to lose
but ****
is it fun while I'm playing
with my deadly vices.
****,
how hard it is
to say no sometimes.

Take away distraction
Remove all the fear and lies
And perhaps I'll see
The person deep inside me
Who has always been right there.

Dissociation held my hand while walking home in the rain.
Stripped of any voice to speak I hummed to my self an unfamiliar melody. Places I don't remember led me up to its door step where I knew only a brief introduction was asleep on the couch inside. Glancing back to find the streets had turned away I held my breath and knocked politely. Nothing made a sound and I paused for quite a while. Others in the house would be more then happy to watch me go swimming from their view up high on a bridge, but hope for this one shot should have been just behind the door, while I'm out here in the rain. A curtain moved as I got a hunch that there were never any options and saw the eyes one whom Id once loved there behind the cloth. This was it, this was the end of the road. A placed it seemed I had imagined came to light for a chance to destroy me. I reached for my belt and drew a grenade beating the door with all of my might. Assailants rushed down the steps as I kicked it in. They filed out of their house with swords rushing down the street to mine as I stepped into my living room with a pin in my left hand. The assailants came up to my curb and saw an array of splinters and glass. They looked towards one another and as the streets before me, turned away. Disappearing with out a trace.

I've always been a small child
who likes to draw and play with toys
and you, you've got glitter in your veins
and I've always been attracted to shiny things.
So you caught my attention from the very beginning
and I, I who am easily distracted, became hooked
on the colors in your soul.

Distraction
Comes in many forms
For instance
Your smile
Your touch

But mainly just you

To all of the songs
that creep upon and seize me
vanquishing the world.