Thought I was on the up
But here I am in the deepest abyss my heart has yet to see
Although fairly familiar
Where light is needed to relieve from this torture
This disconnect
from the outside world & everything that is good & delightful
Feels eons away
•
The turn birthed when you came back
I thought you’d never leave, but thank God my heart fails to gambol at the thought of you - finally
Maybe time does heal some wounds

+crowned saint

Tell someone often enough to shut UP
they will

shut
        d
           o
             w
                n.

How do people become distant so quickly;
Why do people feel heartbreak?
What are they thinking when they say they mean things sincerely
This disconnection keeps me awake
how do you fall out of love?
why is it that I'm trying to detach from you for god's sake,
what am I doing here, just being let go of?

You won’t live there forever.
One day, you will leave this place, and you will
take all of your things with you. You will decide what to keep and what to throw away.
When you are cleaning out your home,
emptying your room,
what will you do with my skeleton in your closet?

It's been one of those days,
Where I don't quite feel
Human.
Those days where my brain is elsewhere.

Like it's in the supermarket,  
And my bodies woken up in the car
Almost sure where it is.

Like I've just sat down,
And my brain's not sure where to sit.

Like I've lost track of how many drinks I've had,
But I can tell you I've been drunk 4 nights this week.

In the process of showing, the veil wears thin
Tell me, is it easy to see the fear in me behind the wheel?
I've never known it to be as layers inside a Nolan dream
As for me and what I think, it's much less a fall
More of an untethered float
Where you can spin and you can twist so beautifully
Make movements so behemoth
You would make mountains proud
But mountains are invisible so far out in space
The movements you travel to make will make you stronger
The better current version of you
But people want to know how good they look
Through your eyes from where you stand
Half the matter in the end is that they'll never know
Secretly to them, we're hurt they're never curious.
Curious, what's that?

No sooner than my ankles and arches
absorb the reentry shock
My toes push off
Time to disconnect

I
used
to
cut
when
I
would
disconnect,

but
now
I
think
I'm
hurting
you
instead.

Fortuitously my memories are stumbled upon,
Like smooth river rocks beneath the flow of a gentle stream,
Triggered by an anomaly in the day,
A bump in the pavement,
A loud bang,
A missed step up a flight of stairs causing a momentary stumble.
The provocation for today was innocent:
My feet pushing against the artificial pavement--the treadmill
Memories seemingly harmless take a dark turn.
I'm now running down memory lane,
A dark well once thought empty,
Gushes forth with a violent burst.
Some memories, especially violent ones, call for severance,
Or the mind will deteriorate.
Heavy breath, sweat cascading down my brow,
This is the only time I can feel her talk to me,
You see, she and I are disconnected;
And we have been for quite some time,
I increase speed, not listening to her cries,
She pleads with me to stop, I ignore her.
The only acknowledgement she gives is a stabbing sensation,
She reminds me I have a heart and lungs,
She tells me I am alive.
My body and my mind are two separate beings,
One within the other,
Like oil and water,
We do not mix.