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M Salinger Jun 16
So what?
I've been this girl
before
we've all
been this girl
before.

Heartbroken
& just a little
bit broken
after

that doesn't feel
a right
enough reason
for this
river of
heartache in
me

We girls,
apparently
just wanna
have
fun

but that is a three
letter word that evades
me

replaced with
***
and
sin
on this tormented journey towards
joy

and ego

Or bliss.
They say..

a four letter world
this time

No,
not ****
or lust,

love.

that's the thing
that has evaded
me, all this

time,

and it's what
I thought
this was

because I'm a girl

in love with a boy,

I don't even respect.

But memories of you
still pull at my heartstrings.

Because they are the dam
that I have held
in
for so long
& the only
release
tonight

Girls,
we just wanna

love

and be loved

right

with hands tangled in my hair,
legs wrapped in
each
other's,
lips on my neck
and breath
hot in my ear,
steady & grounding
me through it

two bodies
moving in
synergy

How can
something
that feels so
right,
be so
wrong?

Because
sweet girl,
there's something
you don't
know
& something
he's
holding back.
Dedicated to boy who broke my heart, on his birthday.
M Salinger May 22
My hands are shaking,
no amount of will
steadies them for what
they want to
say..

Goodbye.

My being has become
so accustomed
to the feeling of you
and your pain;
it's scared,
heart beating fast,
of what it wants to
say,
because you stole my
breath, in all your beauty
and gore.
My being felt your betrayal
it's felt it before,
in every layer
as love became rage
that gave way to
kindness,
and deep sadness,
that your instinct is to
say
Goodbye.
My being understood the
meaning of
grace,
and to love someone
as they are
and take up space,
but from afar
and not be
in love with you
anymore.
My spirit,
my soul,
my insides
and inside me
all
say
Goodbye.
My heart loves you,
my mind has compassion
for you,
but my essence
will never be open
and flow through you
again;
dear friend,
it wishes you
a fond
Goodbye.
M Salinger Feb 15
I watch him
move
& hope
he does the
same

and wonder
if this will
all end
terribly

he glances
at the swing
in my
ponytail
&
the curve
of my
hips

and doesn't notice
all the
chaos
behind my eyes, in
my mind
my heart
my being

he doesn't know
the agony
of allowing
& restricting
myself
from loving
him

he doesn't fear
that inspiration
is tethered
to the
muse

his fear the
inverse

of my demons,
lurking
in the shadows
taking on the
cloak of
complacency

his fickle in nature

burdened
by his
paradox
of never
loving someone
fully
when they love
him.
M Salinger Feb 15
I just want
a man
who is sweet
and
wholesome
and
kind
and
will wash my
hair
M Salinger Jan 30
You used to be
the air that breathed
into my lungs, now
it's full of thick fumes

it dangles between my fingers,
burning bright & precarious
but solid, like us
or so I believed  

a long exhale, leaning back
my legs crossed,
because that used to
be yours too

smoke blurs my vision,
as I realized I've swapped
one bad habit
for another

and that the smell
of tobacco and cold air,
makes me feel
close to you

ash begins to fall and the heat
gets closer to my fingers,
the further I wander
through memories of you

and when the ember
threatens it's presence,
I'm awakened to the reality
that you burned away the same

as every cigarette
I've replaced
on my lips
since.
M Salinger Dec 2018
I have these
persistent
whispers of fears
that I won't love someone
so wholly
& deeply,
that I won’t feel that
intensity
that intensely,
again

it’s a
strange fear
since
no fiber
of
my being
is the
same
as it was,
back then

my bones
don’t remember
that blood
coursing all around,
pumping me full of
toxins
that felt like the
transcendence
of a runner’s high
melting
into an ******

this
is not the
body
of someone whose
life
was so closely intertwined
with yours,
back then

all that's left
is a faint linger of sensation
a hint of a memory,
like thinking of a taste
or a smell

but what my heart can’t
remember,
my mind can't
forget

you haunt me
still
in my
dreams,
of a bond
that could have been,
that a viable transition
could have been,
that no
love
need be
lost

wakefulness
coaxes me
out
as I start to remember..
it’s not
me
who should
fear
that melancholy

because
you
my dear friend,
are the *****

of a finger, that
throbs & aches
but in
hindsight,
is never as consequential
as it
felt

that at
most,
leaves a
shadow of a
scar

on a new
layer
of fresh
skin,
soft to the
touch
and
well-worn

with quiet assurance
and kind courage

two things
I hope for
you
but fear
you’ll never
have

soft, persistent
whispers
that guide me
away from
you..
M Salinger Aug 2018
Something happens for you
something changes,
a part of your power
a part of your abilities
a part of you

when you’re faced with truth,
and choice,
when moving from known
into uncertainty

and in the face of this
adversity,
you lose a part of
yourself

The words want to escape..
I understand
it is our nature;
yours,
mine,
everyone's,

it is the human condition
& our shared suffering

but don’t you see?

it only masks the
demons
that come out when
fear
runs rampant
& to win the fight
we must be
brave
& discover
what parts of
our nature need
taming

because I’ve seen you
move mountains
& together
we can move Earth itself

Imagine for a fleeting moment,
the dark side of the moon
and it’s just you & I

summon that same
courage
& fervour

be bold.

in the face of adversity
that is my hope for you,
that you find
your fearlessness
so you can be
free

The smoke
it hangs low,
a weight in my lungs
like the feeling in my soul

the forests
burn themselves,
and out of destruction,
the new growth is born,
like us

be born again,
let my love
nourish & caress you
scars and all

rise to the
challenge
when fear beckons

Lay your heavy head
and tired mind
in my lap
and let your tears
of sadness,
and longing
flow in the space between my legs

let go.

and like that,
I will hold you
& show you the
promises I won’t
break

let me reveal
my inner corners
as you show me yours,
and prove to you
how tender I will be
with your delicate
heart

tell me,
how do I show you
I am worthy
of all your virtue
& vanity

Something happens for you,
something changes

when you’re faced with truth,
and choice,
when moving from known
into uncertainty,

resist the temptation
& give into me
instead

make love to me.

lay your lips
on mine
& slip yourself
into the space
between my hips

let me show you
true ecstasy,
let the arch of
my back
show you what
words can’t

let our bated breaths
& escaping moans
be our solemn vow
that fear will never
rule here
again

let your fingers
get tangled in my hair
as your heart beats
against mine,
as a reminder of what
is ours

have courage
& fervour
to hold on,
when fear
taunts you to let go,
when it smirks
because the intensity
almost burns,
& your soul bleeds
and your bones ache
& your will is
tested

in these dark moments,
find strength in me

because something happens for you
something changes,
a part of your power
a part of your abilities
a part of you

when you’re faced with truth,
and choice,
when moving from known
into uncertainty,
when you’re
fearless
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