people ask me how i’m doing and i say ‘okay’
nobody questions it; cuz that’s what they all say
only time my words are questioned is when i speak my mind
don’t wanna hear reality, so put me back in line
i wish the whole wide world could know just how i feel
this life of fear and lies simply has no appeal
the voices in my head speak more truth than you
i’m getting tired of always confusing the two
my mind is a haunted house; there’s more to me than meets the eye
body full of so many secrets despite my size

if given the choice, maybe i wouldn’t choose this one to possess
occupying a vessel this anxious just leads to more stress
‘friend in high places’ but the place is your head [in the clouds]
smoking and drinking to quiet us; but trust me you can’t drown us out
there’s more work to be done and words to be said
most talk internally but that don’t mean we’re not friends

something to be said about an openminded guy
with so much personality they started to compile
a collective consciousness sprouting within
took years too long to finally let us in
but here we are, now you know and you listen
at names mentioned, your heart now quickens
beats as one, as we are together
a single unit of several, here for each other
confusing to all but one another
you find yourselves in us

sometimes they go quiet
sometimes, for just long enough
just for a little peace
a little hope
that maybe, just maybe
you aren't going crazy
but it isn't true
they never
never stop

Come and breathe with me.
Close your eyes and feel what I feel.
You cant can you? You cant close them, because we are standing on the edge of a cliff. Your closed eyes would only make you sway. Gravity will call your name and your feet will betray you.
Breathe in the air of disaster. Do you smell its smoke? Its sweet is it not? Its enticing and dangerous and you want to breathe deeper. Your nose is a ****** for the scent.
Feel this wind that sweeps around our barely lifeless bodies. Like mannequins we stand here quietly. Almost like we are invisible. That is how the world feels. People rushing by and around me like the breeze. I watch silently from within my own body unable to control anything on the outside.
I watch others control my own actions. They put me in danger and I let them. Why do I let them? Answer me why do I let them?
Breathe in this truth with me. The truth that we are never controlled by our own will but by the fear from within us. The things we have gone through in the past. The unknown. It takes us by the hand and leads the way. We call out and ask where it is taking us but does it answer? Why would it? I already know.
It takes us to the end.
So breathe with me and we will wait on this cliff edge a little longer for the void to call our names.

Being exposed to trauma
Made me feel invalid
There are more than one
Identities within this body
But I am a broken bowl
Each shard is unique
And which one is the original?
There isn't one
And I will never integrate
Into one person,
A person like you

My young brain was only trying
To protect me,
But it felt like it was trying to end me

the vultures are circling
the vultures are searching
the vultures are waiting
for me to mess up
the vultures are hungry
they want a taste of the skin
around my fragile bones
but i,
i hold a torch
a warning sign
DONT COME NEAR ME
ive had enough
(please leave me alone)
(im so tired)
put up these walls
so i can forget
but it leaves US
with the task
of making holes to communicate
while trying to keep
the walls glued together

It is Tuesday March 17th
Stuck in the house with my family
School was cancelled
Friends cannot visit
Therefore I am here
I made a *** of mint tea for me and OJ's little sister
And did a lot of work OJ had not done
Checking email periodically to see if anyone died
I got up at 8 to clean the bathroom
Enjoyed some coffee with a waffle and jam

As I'm here I await a message from a friend on Skype
Staring at the screen as I write out this poem
As the words flow through my mind

I take a break and watch an old fashion loony tunes cartoon

I am engulfed in nothing but darkness and light

Fading
Fading away

Pieces of myself shatter into the abyss
Then I wake up

I'm in the hospital again
It's cold and smells strongly of chemicals

The moonlight shines through the window
And shines on my pale face

I close my eyes for a second
And I open my eyes to a small blonde girl with piercing blue eyes

She was obviously a hallucination
But she felt so real

She flung herself onto me
And told me itll be okay

She rubbed my neck
"That rope doesnt belong there"

She, after awhile stood up and looked at me fall asleep

And seemingly joined with the moon