A refuge for my darkest memories,
To mask those secrets which are dark and deep.
My own universe, where I do as I please,
A place to keep my darker side asleep.

To read about the small joys in life,
To look back and smile at my innocence,
Subtle encouragement in times of strife,
Tales of my past restore my confidence.

A way to conceal my darker side,
A confidant to share my life story,
Embarrassing moments I wish to hide,
They’re all part of my personality.

A world without lies, where I hide nothing,
My diary, my most precious belonging.

Empty words on a lifeless page,
Oh what stories they may tell,
Of some wise and ancient sage, Or of those who in lost lands dwell.
Come now and do reveal
What tales did your white garb steal.

Not of sages or of people far,
Your tales are closer to the heart.
Stories of many a past scar,
And of a hopeful and humble start.
The tales you hold belong to me,
And with you forever they shall be.

You’ve done more to my pride than I thought I would let anyone.
And I don’t miss you, but I miss the surety I had before you.
You made the world so much uglier and so much less kind.
I wish I could take back all the power I gave away.
I wish I hadn’t been so weak and blinded.
I wish I could punch you in the face.

Dust off that old diary,
with scribbles and pictures
of dreamy days stuck inside,
its pages filled with unspoken words.

Open its frayed brown cover.
Pieces of paper with secrets inscribed on them
fall gracefully to the floor,
freed from their trap.

Pick up the yellowish notes and read them,
memories of forgotten times you remember.
Flip through the breaking pages of the book,
the one you once called your best friend.

Read through the past, relive it;
the golden, precious words fill your mind.
Cry silently and softy as you think of how far you've come,
how very different you are now.

Close the diary and watch the dust billow.
Set it down and smile,
the sunlight caressing your face,
its golden glow a reassurance of today.

Concealed in my diary
in the form of words
my emotions explode
inklings of events
predicaments conjectured
or  sighs of contentment
vaguely interpreted
lights my soul
stagnant but painful
glorious yet tearful

my brain vomited
onto the page
all squiggles
and misspellings
unpunctuated
heiroglyphics
a secret language
only i
could understand
not prose
not poetry
not correct
just me
my pen
wreaks havoc
on unruled
paper
i am errant
i am irritable
i am irreverent
i am making
my way

I came from a galaxy
But I ended up here
Where I met a young one
Who I grew to like

I kept a diary
And wrote my feelings
One by one
Words began to appear

One night, I had a dream
Where I met the darkness
We stared together
"Crybaby," it called me

I woke up, with him at my side
He was still my friend
But, deep down, something wasn't right

I told him about the dream
I don't know, I don't know
A voice was heard, it wasn't his
I cried, and only he heard me

A drawing of us and the ocean
It was beautiful, but I couldn't say
The darkness called out to me
01001000011001010110110001110000

The darkness saw me again
A place known as Eigengrau
A shade of black, not known but beautiful
And I fell into the sea

01010111011010000111100100111111

I knew I wasn't a crybaby
My friend knew that as well
He cared for me, no matter what
He was a friend

I felt faint, so very much
Why must I feel this way?
The darkness is aware of me
And I can't do anything

I felt sick, so very much
The darkness felt pity
Did he feel love for me
A forbidden love, it seems

0100111001101111001011100010111000101110

I knew about his love for me, and I did too
My cheeks grew redder

I'm fine, I'm fine

My friend could be stupid

I hit him, I hit him

Does he still like me?

But

but

i needed the darkness

i needed eigengrau

why am i so cold

help me

there's a crack in my face

no

no

Now we're here, together
I don't need my old friend
All I need is the darkness and myself
In the cold, black ocean I call my happy place

010100100110100101100111011010000111010000111111

I'm sorry about before, I was blinded with love
My friend was there, but I doubted his efforts
Was he really that nice?
The darkness was nicer

After all, he gave me a beautiful sword

But then, I saw him

010000010110111001100100001000000100100100100000011010110110­10010110110001101100011001010110010000100000011010000110100101101­101

I love the darkness, and it loves me back

I never wanted to **** him.
I really was a monster, and I was too blind to notice.
Why, why? Why must this happen to me?

Save me.
The darkness wants me. It lusts for me.
I shouldn't lust for it back.
I don't want to fall into insanity.

Save me, please.
From these bloodstained pages.
My shell, it'll come off, but...
I don't want it to.
I'm so cold.
I don't like this.
Save me, please.

Save me!
My shell, it's coming off!
I don't know how to stop it!
Someone, anyone!
NONONONONONONONONONONO-




Eventually, all that was left was darkness.
And me.
Together.

FOREVER.

Bounded by time, by space, for eternity.
My red eyes illuminating, glowing.
Forever, we shall stand.
In Eigengrau.

I wasn't a monster.
I am not a savage.
I am a knight, protecting the darkness from the light.
Forever, until the end, we shall stand.
The black, empty flowers blooming.
An old diary stands, unopened for years.

The darkness and I would fly away, into the stars, loving each other.
Nothing would tear us apart.
And all who opened it, would suffer.