When all you do is care for others
You push all your feelings aside for yourself
It gets deafening they don't care to check on me
But i will always check on them
Will the cycle stop or is it just beginning

I wasn’t brave.
Don’t let them say that.
I was just tired
in a way no one could see.
Tired like my bones were made of grief.
Tired like I’d been screaming underwater for years.

It wasn’t about dying.
It was about ending.
Ending the weight,
the buzzing silence,
the way I could still be in a room
and still not exist.

I went to the roof.
You know the one.
Above the library.
It was cloudy
the kind of sky that doesn’t look down on you,
just swallows you whole.

I didn’t cry.
There were no shaking hands,
no last minute second guesses.
Just this strange calm
that felt like finally breathing
after holding it for too long.

I stepped.
And for a second
I swear
I felt free.
Then everything went black.

Not quiet, Not the norm
Don’t know the type I’m to conform
I’d drink the poison
To keep my voice in
Youd love that oh you would
Just nod and please be good

But if I had no speech
My baby lizard of mine
How’d he ever reach
The knowledge of time

He’s never seen my aunts
Shoo me like a dog
Just keeps eating his plants
As I fill my lungs with fog
Try to turn off my rants
But Instead I fill my skull with smog

“More blueberries” he demands
Never noticing the scars on my hands
I just explain fruits, although I understand
I can’t answer directly, sorry you can.

He doesn’t hold that grudge
Doesn’t press my soul
Just licks a small smudge
And walks away from his bowl

While he basks in the bulb
I traverse to the cold
I bring him some berries
The ones I was told

I wish to cry,
but I must be numb,
to these emotions,
because they will not aid me,
when they come,
to take me away,
for my trials,
and charge me,
with unproductivity.