When I was a little girl I was told this world was filled with so much love. That with every scrape and every bruise their was a bandaid and a kiss to make it feel better.

When I was 10 years old I learned that you were sick. While it was a sickness in your body the doctors were able to treat it. From then on I learned that everything happens for a reason and that reason is to make us stronger. And everything that happens has a cure.

When I was 13 I realized that sickness was so much more. I never realized that sickness could've taken over your mind. It still doesnt seem real how at one moment a person you know so well can become an absolute stranger. You made me feel as if I was so useless. But I still stayed around. I tried everything

When I was 14 I realized that you weren't getting better. I thought there was a cure. I thought I could be the cure. Like the kiss to a scrape. All you needed was love. But I realized you didn't want my love. You were looking for something else. With your manipulative words you broke every single part of me. It's funny how kisses can only fix the outside damages but what can fix the damage on the inside? Words seem to only hurt more. You come to realize every good thing someone says to you is a complete lie. I didnt need a guy to break my heart when my own father did. The only love I ever needed from a man was from my father. It was at that moment I realized I was not lovable. If not even my caregiver for so long could love me than who possibly could?

When I was 15 I decided enough was enough. I somehow got the courage to finally cut off all ties with you. While this made me a better person I never got a closure. They say time heals all wounds which in some ways it does. I think rather in time you forget about things and push all the hurt down. Which can be a deadly game. I learned to bury my emotions for so long that I don't know what to do with them.

When I was 16 I realize that as that door is shut there is still so much hurt. Although I dont have to deal with your ******* and how worthless you made me feel I still deal with myself. The thing with mental and emotional abuse is even though the abuser may be gone... those thoughts are still always there. I still feel worthless and I dont feel as if anyone could ever love me. Some days are better than others. I believe every "I love you" means a I feel bad for you. And whenever everyone promises to always be there for me it's just a way to try and get me to trust them. What I've learned from you is every person who comes into my life I never think "I wonder IF theyll leave me" it's always "I wonder WHEN theyll leave me." I can never see myself as this great person who can accomplish anything. Even writing this poem I can only criticize it. Although this storm had passed.. the damage always remains.

When I look back on life I see how far I've come. I dont want to view myself as a broken person and I dont want anyone else to view me as a broken person either. I'm not "strong" I've just had to deal with a lot of *******. Everyone has their own problems and demons. That's just life. It's not fair, and it's not always beautiful.

I know you probably can't hear this
But I'll say it anyway,
I miss you.
I’ve always missed you.
And I’m sorry all my poems
Are about what you did,
And not who you are --
Who you were.

I remember melting into your hugs--
Never wanting to let go.  
Remember your smell
(Cigarettes and old spice.)
The way your face lit up when you saw us,
The way you lit the room up with you--
Always smiling your goofy smile.
always putting others before yourself,
Which is why it's hard you left.
So hard to know how you really felt--
So lonely, so lost, so empty.
I wish I could’ve helped you.
But I still remember you --

6 years, and I still remember
Everything I have because of you.
Your altruism became mine--
You always encouraged us to help others
You always made everyone smile
You gave me
A never ending fountain of puns and ******* remarks
You sparked my interest in art, and in poetry
I’m always told I’m just like you
I take great pride in that
You were always my role model
And I will always love you--
Always miss you

Love is a smile that never fades,
        but is glanced upon

every morning,.

For we are two parts making more
            than a whole..

For one + one isn't two

its a family of more parts than just
                               us both.

Mum he's teasing me,

                             Dad she stole my deodorant...


Were more than when we started..
    for one and more is never the amount

we expect.

As a family is never what you expect it to add up too..

a phone rings to my displeasure
- another time spent
in your voice
in your precious respect:
the one demanded
for which i was reprimanded
and ****** for returning empty handed;

and i ignore your call
long enough for it to get lost again
but your name
lingers inside my brain
the image of your name
the only markings behind my closed eyes-
i dont want to see it
i dont want your name to be it
i dont want to read it
i dont want to open your voice message
i dont want to believe it
i dont want to think it
i dont want to dream it
i dont want to watch your name flash by
i dont ever want my path to cross between it;
fifty five years of seeing your name cross out mine
is enough for me to finally delete it.

-a father's hand reaching out,
means nothing once its reaching
has been to pull and tear, and rip apart;
the pain is the only lasting feeling.

mom is waving from a train
bro has been playing x-box
sis will soon be back from her moon-date
dad is carrying the ashes of his lover

everybody does something  
**** me until i hate you no' more

Daddy says he's got to go. "No. You can't go with me today. I'll be back before you know it. But for now, I need you to stay." So I obey. As I look out the window pane, I know he'll be back but it still hurts to see him drive away. But he saved me. He gave me a home. He gave me love. So even though it hurts to see him drive away, I'll stay. Because he's my daddy and that's all there is to say

As I ponder the love that I see in his eyes,
A Godly love, given without compromise....
I recall many times that he stood by my side,
And prodded me on with great vigor and pride.

His voice ever confident, firm and yet fair,
Always speaking with patience, tenderness and care.
The power and might of his hands was so sure,
I knew there was nothing we couldn't endure.

It's true, a few others provided insight,
Yet, he laid the foundation that kept me upright.
He's the grandest of men to have lived on this earth,
Although he's not royal by stature or birth.

He's a man of great dignity, honor and strength.
His merits are noble, and of admirable length.
He's far greater than all other men that I know,
He's my Dad, he's my mentor, my friend and my hero 😍😍❤️❤☺️☺️️😘😘👌🏻💯

I came to you with vicious cries
and overwhelming unknown.
For years you nurtured my tender
mind and helped for me to grow.

You’re the rock I lean against
when the mountain roads
stand tall. You’re the feathered pillow I
cry into, when oceans tides are raw.

You’ve come to me with coffee beans
and endless love sung in a mug.
You’ve seen me into better days
when worse ones have come forth.

You fought for me a sweeter life
when all around grew sour.
My tastebuds came to taste the
joy of earth within your power.

You needn’t hug with loving arms
when words wrapped me in warmth.
You brushed away the coldest days
and gave me your best coat.

Thanks for all the thoughts you’ve shared
and truths I’m not without.
Please don’t ever leave my side
you are my confidant.