Yo, Iâm a Lebanese don, French-teachinâ beast, Â
Spittinâ verbs for a livinâ, my gameâs never ceased, Â
Lifeâs sorted, bruv, proper mint, no cap, Â
Hundred grand in the bag, four days, thatâs a wrap, Â
Easy street, fam, August, July, Iâm blessed, Â
Vacay on lock, mate, Iâm set, no stress. Â
Canadaâs my turf, shitâs sweet up here, Â
Got a crib, no drama, just vibes, crystal clear, Â
No kids in the mix, though, thatâs the sting, Â
Empty nest, fam, no heirs to the king. Â
Paycheck? Donât sweat it, Iâm good, Iâm straight, Â
Fifty on the clock, still holdinâ my weight, Â
Mortgage? Ghosted that sit long ago, Â
Now Iâm thumb-twiddlinâ, nowhere to go, Â
No sprogs to raise, yeah, it bites, innit, Â
Said it before, fam, whatâs the fix?
Shit. Â
Wifeâs a brick wall, fuckingâ frigid, no lie, Â
Cold as ice, mate, Iâm barely gettinâ by, Â
Still, I keep it chill, mottoâs real tightâ Â
Sleep sound, donât clown, no evil in sight, Â
Fuck the big questions, I ainât losinâ my head, Â
âWhatâs the point?â Who cares? Iâm alive, not dead, Â
French in Canada? Bruv, they donât give a toss, Â
Hang myself for that? Nah, thatâs a loss. Â
Iâm jabbed to the max, healthâs on lock, no fear, Â
Swine flu, Zika, Covid, ticks in my ear, Â
Cholera, malaria, typhoid, Iâm clean, Â
Vaginal cancer? Mate, thatâs obscene, Â
Wonât step out âless insurance got my back, Â
Bus stop trekâs a risk, thatâs a fact, Â
STD paranoiaâs got me wired, no slack, Â
But that edge keeps the fire in my sack. Â
Check itâIâm sharp, details on blast, Â
Condomâs tight like fibre optic, built to last, Â
High-speed bandwidth, safe as *fuck fam, Â
Nerves shot to shit, but I still got a plan, Â
Mission one, top tier, no debate, Â
Find a *sexy* bird, but keep it digi, mate, Â
Cloud serverâs my turf, thatâs the play, Â
No real-world mess, just slay all day. Â
Half-pissed, I flop, laptopâs my throne, Â
face book the spot, Iâm in the zone, Â
Bamâthereâs Tasha, sheâs live, sheâs real, Â
Chattinâ me up, bruv, thatâs the deal. Â
----
Tasha:
Yo, darling, been holdinâ it down for years,
Waitinâ on you, fam, drowninâ in tears,
Missed you my whole *damn* life, no lie,
Iâd jump your bones nowâfuck, Iâd try,
But chillâletâs vibe, spit some chat online,
French on your tongue? *Shit, thatâs fine,
Iâm all English, bruv, proper slick,
Tashaâs the name, Iâm your pick.
Dreaminâ of linkinâ, itâs crystal clear,
Post your fifty, my sparkâs right here,
Lifeâs rebooted, fresh off the press,
Youâre the plug, fam, no stress.
Iâve scoped the game, clocked every face,
Lifeâs *fucked* me raw, tossed me âround the place,
Schooled me hard, threw me to the grind,
But you? Ainât no basic prick, youâre kind,
Sweet as fuck, seasoned, not stale,
Dickâs a beastâlush, mate, off the scale.
Englandâs my gift, youâll learn it fast,
England raised me, built me to last,
Banged Chaucer, wild in the sack,
Sucked* off Borisâyo, thatâs a fact!
Split my whole life, you were gone too long,
Now weâre locked, bruv, duet so strong,
Ache was hell, nothinâ cut so deep,
This winâs the shitâtop prize I keep.
Be my man, fam, sling some dough,
PayPalâs poppinâ, let it flow,
Drop what you got to the spot I sent,
Smooches, love â your Luluâs bent.
----
Yo, I clock off, stumble in, wifeâs laid up in bed,
Hospital vibes, fam, Iâm done, brain dead,
Doc hits my line, stressinâ, voice all shrill,
âSheâs *fucked, bruvâhipâs toast, sugarâs ill,
Still kickinâ, though, that cowâs got years,
Techâs a *bitch, mate, progress interferes.â
Iâm mute, heâs like, âOi, you still there?â
Yeah, doc, right here, aggro in the air,
Say Iâm tuned in, but my headâs a voidâ
Nah, fuck* that, Iâm strippinâ birds in my mind, overjoyed,
Drop the call, scream in my skull insteadâ
âYou bled me dry, you slag *Gringo* red!
Croak already, quit screwinâ my mind!â
I grab a rag, wax the floors, leave âem signed,
Hallway, bog, slick as shit, no slack,
So this Yankee *minge trips and cracks her back,
Broken hip? Love, you donât even know,
Iâm knackered to death of your limp-ass show,
Welcome home, bitchâslip and eat the floor!
What the fuck, famâwhyâd I hit fifty?
No kids, cribâs a tomb, lifeâs shifty,
Clinicâs my local, sixtyâs on the creep,
Lost in the sauce, tangled deep,
Ainât smashed in thirty, dry as a bone,
Time to flip the script, set a new tone.
Back at itâplop down, compâs my shrine,
Plug my *dick* in the socket, sparkâs divine,
Pray to Wi-Fi gods, tissue in my grip,
Feel that buzz, bruv, bones start to rip,
Electric surge, crashinâ the Channelâs flow,
Lebanonâs ghosted, Englandâs my show,
Moors, rain, mad shit, rugged as *fuck,
Heathcliffâs smashinâ Cathy, pure luck,
Cultureâs deep, soulâs raw, filth in the air,
English birds kneel for a foreign affair,
Not some local twat, but a hybrid kingâ
Lebanese-Yank, bruv, hear âem sing.
Sit at the screen, tik-tok my domain,
Tap up a baddieâfit, stacked, insane,
Lonely, hot, English, sheâs the one,
Lebanese saintsâmiracleâs begun!
Connected, no cap, Iâve broke through the haze,
âAlright, Mandy!ââtime to blaze.
----
Mandy:
Out past the chippy, âround Kirkbyâs end,
Lasses clocked a lad, not one of our send,
No local divvy â this oneâs pure mad,
Foreign as *fuck, Lebanese lad.
Weâre all gobsmacked, jaws on the floor,
Whatâs this global nutter* knockinâ our door?
Never copped a geezer this off the chain,
Some Beirut oddball, proper strange.
Our Scouse lads? Theyâre gone to shit,
Lost the plot, proper threw a fit,
Pissed all day, scrappinâ, necks in a noose,
Wasted away, rotting, no use,
Not a soul left, streets bare and grim,
Echoes of ale and a fightinâ hymn.
Ainât no clouds dimminâ the Mersey sky,
Itâs vultures circlinâ, ready to fly,
Mad Asians, hill blokes, swoopinâ in fast,
Eyeinâ up a fit bird to snatch* and blast,
Whoâs savinâ her arse* from that grim fate?
Whoâs the poor cow prayinâ on late?
My ray of hope, chase off the dark,
Smash them pricks* out, leave your mark,
Drop a sweet note, let it soar on cue,
Wings over waves to your Scouse bird true,
Loyal as fuck, young, holdinâ it down,
Waitinâ for ages, cash to crown,
Western Union boost, fatten my stack,
Smooches, lad, love â Niaâs back.
------------------------------------
Yo, I stumble in, deadass beat, tryna get turnt,
Mailbox hit me with a curveballâpetition? Ainât this some dirt?
Local party clowns, straight wastemen, no cap,
âNo cyber-dickkheads* crashinâ our vote, oh snap!
Save our bacon, fam, donât wanna flop,
Wire a bag quickâto this address, donât stop.
Bunch of muppets, fam, proper plonkers,
Cut me off from Lisa? Thatâs the final bonkers.
They lost the plot, heads up their ,
Bust a hip for twenty-five, then chat pure dumb,
English bodied the French, historyâs facts,
Now itâs Canada, Lebanonâthrow âem the axe,
Chinese, Indians, whoeverâs in sight,
Iâm pickinâ âWellingtonâ from the bird siteâ
Fam, sheâs peng, a baddie, no cap,
Wigan bound, Iâm bagginâ her back,
Stateside we roll, her famâs gonna vibe,
Brewskis with her bro, Iâm in the tribe,
Sis, niece, mates, uni squad too,
Theyâll stan me hard, like Iâm fam, true,
Screaminâ as oneââChrist, what a plot twist!
Lebanon, British â same *damn* list!â
Weâre locked in, fam, side by side we ride,
Hitched up proper, bells ringinâ wide,
Her lit teacher blessinâ, English flair,
Banginâ forever, loveâs rare air,
Our kiddosâll crash the net, rule the sphere,
Universal dons, crystal clear.
Back to the comp, tissue in my clutch,
Facebook my jam, babe, feel the rush,
Routerâs fryinâ hot, joyâs overload,
âAlright, Lowri!ââIâm set to explode.
------------------
Lowri:
Yo, where you at, bruv? Dayâs been too long,
Some side chick snag ya? Nah, Iâm still strong,
Donât twist it upâI ainât pissed, no sweat,
Kiss me quick, squeeze me tight, place your bet.
Weâre glued, fam, thick like thieves in the night,
No oneâs rippinâ usâstep off, take flight,
Time and space kneel, Iâm the queen of the grind,
Runninâ this *shit,* fam, lovinâ the bind.
I hold the world down, red tapeâs my throne,
Launchinâ rockets up or blastinâ âem blown,
Revolutions spark, Iâm the match, no cap,
Migrationâs dodge, climateâs clappedâIâm that.
Stocks dip or soar, âcause I say itâs so,
Check meâclean, foamy, waxed to glow,
Tits* on point, clipâs locked, hormones hum,
Proper hard for ya, fam, feel the drum.
Whatâs this? Oh, snapâstripes on my chest,
Call me Mandyânah, ditch that jest,
Shane, Nats, Lisa, pick your fave,
Morse it outâPhil, dot-dot, Gazâs wave,
English birds been wild since the game got spun,
Dickks on lock, bruv, poppinâ every one.
Want it raw? Step upâcard digits, now,
Donât stall, you twat, man up, donât bow,
âDebt repaymentâ stamped, weâre cashinâ that bid,
You owe English blood, French-lovinâ **.
Bow to the bot, you Lebanese *prick,
Gold-standard cunt, Iâm everywhere, slick,
Ballybunion born, Traleeâs my tweak,
ISS glitchâdrilled the hull, peak freak.
Flooded the game, *fuckked* gran and gramps,
Bug meets kid, corruptionâs my stamps,
Mouseâs down, catâs smashed, downloads unreal,
Kaspersky shields me â from who? Donât squeal.
Legionâs my tag, seaâs got no size,
App Store king, bruv, watch me rise.
I iced your wife, yeah, thatâs my claim,
Squat on spook sites, playinâ the game,
Taxes flow to me, Iâm the stateâs core,
Speechless, fam? Eyes gluedâwant more?
Iâm your God, your blaze, light so bright,
Squint hard, see my bush ignite.
Kiss me, grip me, hands on deck,
Partyâs done, years stretchâwhatâs next?
Words wonât bridge us, loveâs mute as fuck,
Gotta jet â where? Compass stuck.
Smooches, crew, catch ya down the road,
Fam, Iâm set to unload,
Strap 3 clearance, runninâ this game,
Hackinâ, *shaggginâ, skivinâ on the sly,
Kirkbyâs dodgiest, Her Majâs wild guy,
Kneel, *mthrfukkr,
to Senior Intel Sarge Pritchard!
Bye!