They ask what I am
As if they could draw a map
On my skin
Paved by my color
My hair
And my name

But even I can’t trace the path.
I’m a mutt of people
Lost
In time
And yet I am here.
And I am human.
Is that not enough?

i've been trying for two years and i can't
i've been trying for two years and i can not write
i can not read a book
watching a movie became torture
do any minimally long task
is impossible
i can't do anything i used to
and i don't know what's happening
because i can not even
dedicate myself to music
and these are the things i like
they are pieces of what i am
and then i'm in doubt of what i am now
or, by doing nothing
would have i become a piece of nothing
and that's all i could be?

Who am I?
What do I really want to do
With this life given to me
Some nights feel like an epiphany
But most nights, I feel stuck in an endless existential maze
How I wish I can find the answer
Shall I trust Adler?
To believe in a fictional final goal
And trust that all of this will make sense
That someday, everything will “fall into place”
How I wish I can find the answer
To this seemingly never-ending struggle of mine,
To that one question of “Who am I?”

My hands, my eyes, my heart
They’ve done me wrong in this time of need
I control these things, therefore,
I let these things control me
And now I’m desperately searching for an escape, a peace
You are the refuge
My luxury in a sea of mediocrity
And I cry out to the sky,
For my core is rotten,
I’m a dying pig swarmed with flies, choking on cotton
But with you I’m not forgotten,
I’ll never be forgotten,
Renew my broken heart
That’s all I crave

“A supposedly Amusing ode”

I lay here staring can it be?
A midlife crisis  come for me?
But no it’s not true oh it taunts me
After all I’m not yet fourty

But oh I’ve lived a life so carefree
No morgage payments await for me
No insurence upon my life
Not even a pension
I’m nobodies wife
I’ve born no child it’s not yet for me
It’s all lie ins takeaway and adult TV
I can go out when I please
I have savings never
Sometimes I drink to much but I don’t feel clever
But wait .... oh no maybe that’s not it .... maybe that’s not what’s the cause of this itch
Maybe now I’m realising I’ve had it all wrong
I bought the wrong book I’ve sung the wrong song

No rock and band sit upon this hand
I’m not sure why I don’t understand
Why have these ***** produced no fruit
Why does my maternal instinct feel so mute
I do not own these rocks and mortar
This cat here is my only daughter
My other half as bad as me
He just likes to snore and watch TV
Oh **** oh no it’s all to late
To fix my life get it straight
I must get married
I must produce life
Quick mark wake up and make me your wife
Hmmmm but that’s actually all quite expensive
And we are really not that tentive
To the young of age who make such a mess
The school run sounds like a lot f stress
And a morgage surely ties you down
What if I don’t like that side of town
Or county
Or country and want to live a life
Full of travel freedom and vice ?
Yes I’m sure it’s all ok
in our rut I think we’ll stay
With our own jokes and inside gags
Phew what a relief I can breath with no strife
And relax a little into mid life :)
(C) Ashley Kane

opening MY phone
with MY finger print
sometimes is the only
way to assure myself
that I am STILL ME
in MY body

I was given a set of wings
huge, strong and powerful
but I've never used it
to fly and soar
and feel the breeze
above the sun kissed sea
with cotton candy clouds
all around me
never even tried
never even dared

Sometimes I wonder
wether these were given to me
as a gift to cherish
     a blessing to own
or a curse to carry
     a burden for all my life to bear

And I wonder what it
would feel like
to be free
to fly like the others do
if only I weren't
too afraid to try
too afraid to dare

I sometimes try to take
a leap of faith
but as soon as I reach the edge
I feel the mighty wind
I beheld the depth
I see the drop
I hear death
I get nauseous
I pull back
I tuck my wings in
and shut it nice and tight

Maybe what I need is something
that would push me
but it would be nicer
if  it would pull me
taking me with it
in the fall and teach me
how to fly