"I don't understand you seem so happy"

          "Didn't you go to school to learn how to deal with people  like me? I project what people want to see."  

                        "Yeah but look at you, you understand why you're acting this way, you can logically decipher it, you don't even need me sitting across from you taking notes or telling you what you need to do, you already know. But you still want to die. You still sit across from me every week with new scars, new stories and I want to help you but how do I help someone who already knows?"

                  "Ok, but that's my problem. I can logically see what is happening, I get it, I'm ******* depressed, we're all ******* depressed and we all die, and inevitably the happiness I feel will disappear and worse things will come my way ----
          and god forbid if worse things don't come my way, I'll live a meaningless, numb, long life. Doesn't that thought keep you up at night? Doesn't that just epically ******* up? It's all I can think about. And if I go home and finish the job I started 3 years ago and actually end it, I will have lived a short,unfulfilling life that left nothing on this planet I was proud of, except for the grief the people who love me will feel  
..........and well. I don't want that."


"Yeah, you're right."

"****. So what do I do?"

"You keep living and endure it."

He talked to me,
In a slow and steady sarcasm.
It's one of my native tongues,
And I speak quite fluently.
My tongue is still sharp enough
To cut myself on.
Leaving the conversation
Cold In a pool of blood
On the ground.

And I replied:

*"मगर यकीन है मुझे,
अगर ज़्यादा पास तुम आई,
तो मैं तुम्हें भी खो दूँगा।
Magar yakeen hai mujhe,
Agar zyaada paas tum aayi,
To main tumhe bhi kho dunga.

दोस्त ही ठीक हैं हम,
नंबर मांगती हो तुम,
मैं एक की जगह दो दूँगा।
Dost hi theek hain hum,
Number maangti ** tum,
Main ek ki jagah do dunga.

+९१८९५०९३२४५६
+९१७०१५५६९६१४
+918950932456
+917015569614"
­
"But I am sure about it,
If you come closer to me,
Then I will lose you as well.

We are okay as just friends,
You ask for my number,
Have 2 instead of one.

+918950932456
+917015569614"