I am in quite a predicament, you see
There are new textures I can feel
This corduroy feels soft to me
The moment is only now and only real.

I melt into warmth, and only warmth
Carpet is the only way I can describe this
Patterned and aligned but soft
My fingers weave a pattern with each kiss

The taste of a smoker
A familiar taste, knowing and real
It does not bother me
A strange sense of intimacy I can feel

Lingering touch, further reaches
A gentle holding of the fingers
I think about it for too long
A bit too long

This kiss is different, and that is new
Lips match, perfect in time
A warm tingle, a passionate pull
Something I have longed to feel

I suppose I’ve started to write poetry again
That’s how I know its ******
Because now I’m in my feelings
And hard decisions ****.

Not knowing if we would have worked out had I stayed in London.
Not knowing if you think about me as much as I think about you.
Not knowing if you ever thought about me all those days apart.
Not knowing if you had also wanted to kiss me that afternoon.
Not knowing if we would be together had I been born a boy.
Not knowing if it is me or my gender that is putting you off.
Not knowing if I will ever get to hold your hand.
Not knowing if I will ever get to kiss you.
Not knowing if I will ever see you again.
Not knowing if I will ever be with you.
Not knowing if I will ever be myself.
Not knowing if I will ever be you.

My mind is full of questions
Questions that questions a lot of those questions even after they are done having me questioned

A lot of questions running through my mind till am feeling my state of mind is becoming questionable

Am I a fool called Wise or a wiseman who has just been fooled cos he thought his mind is full of wisdom while it is otherwise?

Still a lot of questions

Questions questioning some people's actions cos it seems my trust is now being questioned

But who said I can't be trusted?
If so, why put in my trust something which is in your trust but turn around to doubt my trust?

You asked how do I know?
No, why won't I know while I've got the spiritual nose to know this things long before it is physically known?

Still questions

Questions surfacing even while I write cos some parts I still wonder if they will be read right or if it is even right for me to have them written?

But why care about whether it is read right or wrong when I have the right to write what I wish to write?

Questions on what to title this piece with but my mind is not at peace with this questions so I won't give credit to questions till maybe when am totally at peace

So don't ask me why not "questions" but "state of mind", cos state of mind it is for now as that is my state of mind

at crossroads I was, unable to choose
where I would go, and what I could lose
the clock was ticking, the other cars waiting
in the middle I stood, debating, debating ~
the decision to make, what path to take
what would I lose, when so much was at stake?