I am the new divine
Aten, I rise and shine.
My thoughts were rattling
dangerous and I was battling
the odds. I have overcome
the big battle of the asylum.
Things change as well as the water
under the bridge, and the slaughter
of my demons isn't hard anymore.
I am stronger than ever before.

I am worthy.
I am worthy,
of the smile that departs from my lips in the mirror every morning.
I am worthy,
of feeling fulfilled and confident in this body.
I am worthy,
of affection, gratitude, and respect.
I am worthy,
of this, and so much more.

All my self worth is carried on the backs of others.

What an idea to fathom

That I could carry it myself.

What a task I've burden others.

Would assume the weight if I knew how.

By small and simple acts and ways
Our futures come to pass
And so we ought to choose today
The ways that bless at last

For time speeds by and races on
And seeds we’ve planted grow
Then let’s arise each waking dawn
And act on what we know

Small and simple will often lead
To great and glorious things
So set good habits with all speed
And watch the wealth this brings

Dream big indeed, and make a start
Small steps will do just fine
Leverage time - it’s just plain smart
And works with laws divine

Let “small and simple” work in you
Develop heart and mind
Then confidently follow through
And live what you’ve designed

i have my mother's skin
freckled and fair
my dad's nose
sloped and refined
my grandad's curiosity
vibrant and pestering
and my grandmother's voice
poetically overflowing

i have my mother's emotions
capricious and antagonistic
my dad's perfectionism
bleek and disciplined
my grandad's stubbornness
punctuated and impervious
and my grandmother's faith
gentle and unfailing

i am what i am
i am who i am
because they have raised me

I am not fat
So please
Stop
Thinking It
I am beautiful
I am fit
I am so loved
More
Than I could even know
Could ever
Comprehend
At the foot of the cross
My soul
Feels the weight of a fraction
Of its worth.
A fraction
Is all I
Know, Because I cannot
Comprehend
The rest
May I rest
In you
At the foot of
The cross.
Think of this

I have loved
Well
I have been kind
I know happiness
Even joy
I am not fat
But my life holds
So much weight
Could never
Comprehend the weight
Of the rolls
Of ocean tides
Ripples far
and wide
The length of His
Love
Tides made when I give
His light
Kindness
The measurements
Of my steps

The folds of my flesh
Mimicking
The mountain range
Because He made me strong
and wonderfully smart
and vulnerable heart
and soul of gold
Bits and pieces of me kind
and in my mind
and body
He is there
Weighing me
Down
Pressing onto the scale
He is weighing me
Down
Holding me
Heart, mind, soul
Weight
So much, heavy
Love you’re heavy
Filled out
Pregnant, no
Obease
With His love
Kindness
Generosity
Grace
You are my
Love. He is
my kindness
He is
My generosity
Overflowing between every fold
Roll
More
each year
Growing
Multiplying in
Love
Generosity
Kindness
This is my weight.

Is being called “silly” really an insult?
Does it warrant an official call to apologise without one
moment taken to consider that the accusation may have merit?

Might we be so concerned for respect that we risk being out of touch with a few home truths?

Is it a problem to be questioned? Can we maintain confidence in ourselves whilst allowing our colleagues to make suggestions that may be equally as good.. or.. dare I suggest... better??

Are we risking the power of discourse in the fight to protect our “patch” or our “fiefdom”....

I don’t wish to fear the answers and hope we can exist to challenge and respect simultaneously... creativity is stifled when we don’t allow other angles to be considered...

Pride should not need to feel threatened... maybe we should aim our daggers at self-preservation.

So why haven’t I acted upon it and get the body of my dreams? The truth is I have, I am, and I  constantly fail because I am filled with fear and doubt. I constantly doubt myself and tell myself that it will never happen. There’s some part of my brain that tells me that I am not capable of it because I don’t deserve it. Why? I don’t know.

I fear change and the thought of going through painful experiences crushes my confidence and faith that I have in myself.

I want to be able to look in the mirror and not look at what I'm insecure about. I want to be able to look at my body with love and not hate what I see. I want to be confident in myself. I want to be able to walk in a store and not have a mental breakdown when all I see is the tag that says “Small” and be able to hold back my tears. I want to be able to say out loud how much I weigh without feeling ashamed or guilty. I want to be proud of myself, I want to be happy with how I look without having to pretend like it’s ok that I look like this.

Everyone encourages you to be happy with the way you look,
why should someone encourage you to be satisfied with what you have
when what you are is unhealthy and lazy with no motivation whatsoever