Life can be unbearable and terrible
If you're alone in this life..
Happiness...

That is a really hard word to comprehend because you really don't know where you're actually happy at Till It's gone and to someone take it from you
Then it becomes a distant memory....

That's why you should sit down and treasurer those moments with someone special like you my deer Alyssa ... listen

I take you for granted

I really don't deserve you....

Honestly I shouldn't have anyone...

Because I am a monster

Hear me out

I disrespect you
I dismiss your wishes....



Somehow. you find a way to forgive me. Again every time

But why...
I should be asking that question myself....
Cuz you love me....


I love you too
I just don't show it

I guess I wallow in myself misery that reflects on the people I pose to care about

That makes me a hypocrite
And a coward...

I do not like to admit the
Truth
I don't think no one does

But I digress

I've been a coward my whole life standing on my hind legs cowering in a corner preying on the weak...

I guess it's supposed to make me feel strong but I
Feel weak....  because my bezique.. Is rotting through the  corps ...

Once in a lifetime every coward have a. Saviour
That one

The one with a beautiful brown eyes remind me of stars in the night sky
A heart made of gold

With the prettiest smile to make you weak in the knees....

The loyalist person in my whole entire life...

But I lied so many times...
Believe me I'm going to pay for it one day
When that day comes I do not want to be alone in the dark...

I want you to be aside me

For all eternity in Paradise

Please save me from these demons

They are clouding my mind

I'm a lost King who is losing his Queen.....

In the Kingdom of Lost Love....

I stole your heart

Here the key to mine

There's my. Confession
Love you and miss you
Alyssa

Used to punch
metal freezers,
shred my bare knuckles
on a black bag
when I didn’t feel like
wrapping my hands with
***** dishrags.

But I put those fists down,
lost the pit fire,
let those flames expire
cause I was so tired
of how that rage burned.

Simmering passed
a soft-boiled brain,
used to workout
just to dull the pain,
now I workout at night
just to feel a little more alive.

Dreams won’t let me
go to sleep gently,
or rest peacefully
but it is the waking hours
that are more disturbing.

Always been a fighter
even when
I wasn’t even
scrapping with
other slack jawed idiots.

Sometimes it is just
my own mind
that I am battling,
as my demons come
ready to swallow me.

Oh tell me god,
Why does this confession feel like sin?
My smiled pulled to the edge of my cheeks,
You can see the grin on my face when she speaks.
But it's more than that, I feel a warmth in my soul, like a piece of me, once lost , is calling out to home.

And I'm excited but I'm filled with fear,
Always retreated when a heart came near,
Pushing away, always thought I was riding it out on the down stream,
But never realising I was on the upstream to my dreams,
Too afraid of what I see not being what it seems,
Falling apart I grab a pillow and scream,
Panic induced and breaking at the seams...
And I'm sorry but that's just me,
Carry my scars not physically but mentally and some times it makes me act detrimentally when clutched by anxiety, I'm sitting back, thinking, " what if everybody lied to me?", but honestly I'm trying to be that somebody better than me...for you.

So now...
I'm here with a confession.
It feels like sin,
But is only good intentions.

I wish my confessions would fall upon a heart that will listen

The problem of evil forbids my soul from continuing my family line,

But perhaps Yahweh could sway my mind by showing me a clear and obvious sign.

To spartan prose the years are turning,
Coquettish rhyme the years are spurning;
And I - I with a sigh confess -
I'm running after her much less,
My pen has lost its former pleasures
Of daubing fleeting leaves, it seems,
Today, quite different, chilling dreams;
Quite different unrelenting pressures,
In stillness or in social noise,
Disturb the sleep my soul enjoys.

When I die
Tell my dog that it will be okay, and give it a warm spot next you in bed to keep it warm

When I die
Tell to people that hated me, those who maybe got sad or felt some sort of guilt for not talking to me while I was alive, that there's no use on feeling that you owe something to a dead person

When I die
Tell my friends that even though some felt distant from me, like they didn't know much about who I was, that it was enough that they trusted me, so much so that I always held them close to my heart and our friendship was everything to me when I needed the most to be strong and carry on

When I die
Tell my family that I've never let them know me well on purpose, it's a pity, I wish I could share more with you than blood

When I die
Tell my therapist that I've finally stopped fighting against time, now that I'm dead I became eternal

dear so and so

my preteen years were ******* me. i had a lot of pressure during school because i felt like i didn’t belong. i felt excluded most of the time and the students in my class made sure that i got the message across. i was already uncomfortable with my body image and struggled with my weight and eating. i didn’t look like the girls in my class. they were shorter and weighed less than 130. Talking to strangers online made me feel comfortable in myself. and when i started talking to you. it felt really nice to know you liked me. but i was stupid enough to think you just liked me for me. you only liked me because i was vulnerable enough to show you my body. my bare self. i was 12.
you were grown enough to know what you did was wrong. you were old enough to vote. old enough to live on your own. i think you were the first among many men that i confused about them liking me when really they just wanted my body. so thank you. for molding my mind thinking if i showed some boy my *******
or *** that i could convince them to like me as well.