You opened a door
I wanted to keep shut
and now the things
I feared behind it
run loose and wild
dark thoughts take hold
multiplying, spreading
a disease I cannot cure
This darkness engulfs me
and your hand is just
barely out of reach

There are three beautiful people
In my life.
One I am in love with,
One I am in lust with,
And one I can not move on from.
One has my whole body,
One consumes my every thought,
And the other holds my heart.
I often wonder what would happen,
If I walk away from it all
And leave it all behind.
Move some place new,
Find a new lover,
And start a new life.
But even I know,
That a change of scenery,
Never truly changes a situation.
For every time I stand in the shower,
And the water droplets
Run down
Between my *******,
One face returns to me.
And every night,
When I close my eyes,
And the midnight air brings
The deepest thoughts to my mind,
Another face appears.
When I walk the park in evening,
Trying to clear my mind,
Of the troubles of today,
And I see two beautiful lovers,
Nestled together on a bench,
I see that face,
Staring right at me.
Clear as day,
Never blurred.

17 | 31 Poems for August 2016

I understand the fact that I am not always easy to understand.
Loving me is complicated and maybe that’s the beauty of it all.
I never really knew how to handle this beautiful thing called love.
So I always thought that someone would be able to show me how.
“You’re not easy to love” are words I’ve heard too many times before.
My hyperhidrosis is evident but how long will you keep on looking?
I know that my smile is flawed and crooked but it’s worth the picture still.
Let me write my wrongs until I’m right within but where should I begin?
Walking through a graveyard littered with my ideas and thoughts.
Littered with my endeavours of trying to be someone worthy of your love.
You don’t believe in me so who am I to tell the world about our story?
Just another spoken-word poet from Pretoria trying to attain his glory.
These words are written with great effort but you never pay attention anyway.
You know that I’ve got hyperhidrosis but I try not to sweat the small stuff.
I never really knew how to handle this beautiful thing called love.
So I always thought that someone would be able to show me how.
“You’re not easy to love” are words I’ve heard too many times before.
My hyperhidrosis is evident but how long will people keep on looking?
I know that my smile is flawed and crooked but it’s worth the picture still.

My mouth's a myth magician,
but my eyes can't tell lies,
lie to me and tell me you
believe me when I tell you
I am fine...

What am I supposed to tell you,
what am I supposed to say?
On the positive side,
I didn't ache the same way,
but on the negative,
I'm sure I've lost you again,
meaning that you losing me
could be the beginning of you
finding your meaning
without me there;

Okay, Friend?
You may not gamble
with my feelings,
you may not place a bet
on my love because
I bet my love will go extinct
if you do not water me.

I don't want to be your playdate,
I don't want you
to ruin my mixtape,
I want to keep my engine running,
and my body fueled,
my stomach can do
without the abuse

Because it has confused
you for food and I can't eat,
without thinking that I've
mistaken you for a flower,
and am now chewing
on the thorns,

I don't want to be your friend,
I want to poke you inside and out,
I want to cause goosebumps
to crawl all over your skin,
and I don't ever want to
breathe you out, I want
to breathe you in,
right now, is that a sin?

"There are other fish in the sea"
but my fishing line
goes straight through,
never picking left or right,
there are no other fish in sight...

So I'll keep swimming,
I'll leave you behind on the shore,
and there you'll be safe,
and faraway, I'll be okay.
Okay, Friend?

The section i find most difficult to articulate
Whilst of minimum complexity,
Sparking such innate debate.

Scorning my own persona’s voided,
True personality remaining avoided.

Each multifaceted side of mine plenty,
Evoking analysis of my true identity.

I am everybody yet nobody,
I am everything yet nothing.

Constant contemplation of reality
(though part of my normality)
Evoking analysis of my true identity.

I envision each person i encounter,
-though see the tormented oh so clear.
Each time drawn into to the tempest like vortex,
Of another quite so mutually complex.

I am everybody yet nobody,
I am everything yet nothing.

i'm tired
i'm so tired

it makes me wonder if i'm always this easy to fool

don't cradle me in your
- I love you's
in your
- I'm sorry's
in any of your excuses

don't you dare try to plant another rose in my stomach
i'm starting to over cultivate
don't you dare try to plant another rose on my lips
spring is hidden behind my cold winter words

this poem is a mess
but who cares

i shall sleep once more
free of restraints and excuses

the gardener to my own garden

Tired of this old game
Being accuse of things i have not done
Being ignore
Being treated like a brick wall
How much more of this do i have to stand?
I know if im in this position
Is because i chosed it
Because i could walk out that door at any moment
But i choose not to because of how strong my love is for you
I may look like a fool to you
I know people might judge me as stupid
Because i keep staying by your side
And honestly i dont know how to back myself up
I keep typing poems to get rid of the anger and sadness
Thats killing me inside
Never wishing this type of relationship upon anybody else