i've been left so many times,
i'm just waiting for that moment to come with you.

i trust you more than most people,
yet i still expect that of you.

i have this urge to leave
before you leave me,
why can't i just stay?
am i afraid to see what will happen?

I've try my **** hardest to feel loved, accepted.

I lead people to fall in love, and leave them because I can. Even though I promised them different.

I complain about boys, but the boys aren't the problem it's me. I'm the one who makes these problems for myself because it's easier to push everyone away and deal with those consequences as they come, rather than to accept my forever fate. I say it's because I'm young, I can't find the one. I know all the right things to say, so they'll stick around, even after i've left them in the dust too many times, but I do know not to say love. It confuses them, and me.

I know love isn't in my heart, never has. Heartbreak started before I was born. When my father didn't want me, my mother couldn't have truly wanted me, after all she was 16, everyone around me was burdened by me before I even opened my eyes.

I hear it a lot, "you look, remind me of your mother" "You remind me so much of myself" "My mini me" You have the same issues, depression, bipolar, trust issues, and failure to commit, it's pretty insignificant, but it's lurking there, in my head. Scratch that it all races through my veins, and I'm surrounded by it, as everyone I know is infected by it too.

It commitment even real? As far as I know, it's something I couldn't even imagine. I have these people trying to get at me, claiming, "Let it be just me and you baby" but every time I fall for those lies, I can't help to start chasing a different one, more and more.

Picking up that bottle seems like second nature. Along with my issues, I was blessed with addiction, that's racing through my veins more than commitment isn't. I'm told not to let it get out of hand, after all I've seen what it does to people. But I can't help but find myself longing for the next time I can feel the warmth of that liquid as it slides down my throat. Longing for the next time I can place that skinny piece of paper between my fingers, lighting it as the smoke slithers down to find my lungs, inhaling to insure it's doing it's job, then exhaling to see the smoke dance around the air that's consuming me. Longing for the next time I can feel happiness. Longing for the next time I can punch something to release my anger, because we all know I can't do it creatively.

The fire in our hearts cinder and our love will eternally burn
Your angelic face perfectly captured as portraits turn to stare
The radiance you protrude has even my shadow in joyous tears
Your fire flied smile extinguish even my darkest memories
Your enticing voice uplifting me to soaring heights
Your embrace beckons my sweetest dreams to reality
My confidence, your handbag as you carry it to heightened unexplored terrain
These words flows from the lips of our past lives like messages of past love shared
You are my earthly angel!
Your skin my silken robe…
Your healing touch my savior….Your love my reason for living…..you are my gift that keep on giving

Written by faizel farzee

You stood high on a deserted precipice, and with a loud voice you proclaimed your love for me. My fear of commitment  left me silent and aloof.
As a result you were left on the edge of nothingness with a lonely echo. Proudly you stood strong and drew a line, vowing never to return.
Now I disparagingly walk this god forsaken landscape, forever reaching for a  mirage that isn’t you. Left with only my shadow of regret.

And so I wait,
and watch as another steals smiles that belong to me,
I wait
as another takes in the beauty that only I should see,
I wait
as another feeds on the warmth she gives to him leaving her weary,
I wait, I hurt, I weep
but I cannot have her till I am certain that I can set her free

But

She will know
The memory of her still burns fresh and new in my mind
She will know
My heart is forever in two and she owns the other side
She will know
She is the only one for me no matter how far, I'll follow close behind
She will know, i hope she knows
She is my sky, worth all the stars that men can find

Though

I want to
Undo all she has suffered ,all the pain she has built walls against
I want to
Free her wings ,convince her that with me those walls are waste
I want to
Look in her eyes,mock chaste and patiently wait as not to invoke what comes of haste
I want to, I need to
Let her come to me, with her scars and bruises and hurt, though slow, to me she is never late

Thus

I will
Not push, but gently nudge ,as a parent does one she loves dear
I will
Like a lovers wisper in a dream, utter unheard words but the feelings are clear
I will
Never assume, till she sees me ,I'll only ever be her peer
I will, I will always, I will forever
Someday be the source of her joy, with a love so intense Cupid might have used a spear

My love,
You wove words into wool;
A spider, you strung sentences into works of art;
While I, blind and blundering,
Tried to find solace in the stitching;
Thread webs into safety nets.
Yet there was perhaps a fatal flaw I forgot to mention:
I don’t know how to weave,
And I’m really ******* scared of spiders,
And time, and loss and love and you and me and most other things.
(But mostly spiders - like heart-stopping-body-spasming scared)

So, my pretty Baby blue,
I wish you and I, a doomed arachnophobe,
Could exist between the lines of love poems,
Could spend mornings in bed with tea from our favourite mugs,
Could spend nights walking home from our favourite pubs,
Could be everything I wished for us.
But life catches on and time catches up,
So for now I’ll dip my tongue in sugared coatings,
And try to lick your wounds clean.
I’ll etch your voice into vinyl, and put your track on repeat,
An album of day-to-day complaints;
Awkward stories; and the reasons you’re always right.
I’ll sit content, and sway to the rhythm of your tune,
And watch you, my friend, my baby blue,
Move, and bloom, to the unique beat of you.
And maybe you in turn, if you wouldn’t mind of course,
Could teach me not to run from spiders,
Like I always seem to do