You stood high on a deserted precipice, and with a loud voice you proclaimed your love for me. My fear of commitment  left me silent and aloof.
As a result you were left on the edge of nothingness with a lonely echo. Proudly you stood strong and drew a line, vowing never to return.
Now I disparagingly walk this god forsaken landscape, forever reaching for a  mirage that isn’t you. Left with only my shadow of regret.

And so I wait,
and watch as another steals smiles that belong to me,
I wait
as another takes in the beauty that only I should see,
I wait
as another feeds on the warmth she gives to him leaving her weary,
I wait, I hurt, I weep
but I cannot have her till I am certain that I can set her free

But

She will know
The memory of her still burns fresh and new in my mind
She will know
My heart is forever in two and she owns the other side
She will know
She is the only one for me no matter how far, I'll follow close behind
She will know, i hope she knows
She is my sky, worth all the stars that men can find

Though

I want to
Undo all she has suffered ,all the pain she has built walls against
I want to
Free her wings ,convince her that with me those walls are waste
I want to
Look in her eyes,mock chaste and patiently wait as not to invoke what comes of haste
I want to, I need to
Let her come to me, with her scars and bruises and hurt, though slow, to me she is never late

Thus

I will
Not push, but gently nudge ,as a parent does one she loves dear
I will
Like a lovers wisper in a dream, utter unheard words but the feelings are clear
I will
Never assume, till she sees me ,I'll only ever be her peer
I will, I will always, I will forever
Someday be the source of her joy, with a love so intense Cupid might have used a spear

My love,
You wove words into wool;
A spider, you strung sentences into works of art;
While I, blind and blundering,
Tried to find solace in the stitching;
Thread webs into safety nets.
Yet there was perhaps a fatal flaw I forgot to mention:
I don’t know how to weave,
And I’m really ******* scared of spiders,
And time, and loss and love and you and me and most other things.
(But mostly spiders - like heart-stopping-body-spasming scared)

So, my pretty Baby blue,
I wish you and I, a doomed arachnophobe,
Could exist between the lines of love poems,
Could spend mornings in bed with tea from our favourite mugs,
Could spend nights walking home from our favourite pubs,
Could be everything I wished for us.
But life catches on and time catches up,
So for now I’ll dip my tongue in sugared coatings,
And try to lick your wounds clean.
I’ll etch your voice into vinyl, and put your track on repeat,
An album of day-to-day complaints;
Awkward stories; and the reasons you’re always right.
I’ll sit content, and sway to the rhythm of your tune,
And watch you, my friend, my baby blue,
Move, and bloom, to the unique beat of you.
And maybe you in turn, if you wouldn’t mind of course,
Could teach me not to run from spiders,
Like I always seem to do

You told me,
You can't love me because you've lost your commitment.
But that's a lie
Because you've always been committed
Not with me,
But to your past lover.

Mama, why you hate me?
Mama, why you leave?

Mama, save me,
Save me, please.

Mama, come back.
Mama, stay.

Mama, what did I do wrong?
Wrong today?

Mama, can't you understand,
That it's not easy, this life at hand?

Mama, what's wrong?
What did I say?

You told me to shut up
The other day.

So, mama, what's wrong?
Tell me please.

So I can be there
When you need.

Mama, come on,
Don't be rude.

I said nothing
Rude to you.

Mama, why don't you care?
Care 'bout me?

I thought you said you'd be there
When I need.

But you left too.
Just differently.

So mama come back,
I plead and plead.

But I guess you're gone,
You decided to leave.

Guess that means
You don't love me.

So mama hear me out,
Before I go.

Why don't you care,
Care about me, yo?

No answer?
No reply?

Guess that's alright,
I'm ready to die.

So watch me stalk away,
Into the shadows.

And never come back,
'Cause I'm dead now, mama.

It's not like you'll care,
You'll move on.

Throughout the day,
You'll never mourn.

A sad thought,
I have to admit,

That my mama didn't care enough,
Enough to commit.

To commit to me,
And to her family.

To commit to her,
And to her life.

Guess I'll leave now,
Finally; goodbye.

my spine crawls at the realization that
"i am back for the million of hours lost
when i wouldn't accept that i wanted,
or at least discovered, death's reason."

my back breaks when i finally drop
the load of toxicity that i used to have,
the toxicity that i now visibly contract at.
but others are the ones who have grudges seeping into them.
at least, i think

i am back
but i will be gone
because commitment gives me mr.anxiety as a counselor