The sugared scent of your skin is in full bloom
Your natural fragrance never seems to fade
I can't overpower your absence in this room
The ghost of your shadow haunts me
But still, I'd give up forever to see the moment of truth in your eyes

I don't want the world to see me without you, for you are the one who fills my life with colour and without you I'm colorblind.

Asleep in a vibrant environment
Colorblind in a restless world
Still in the company of emotions
Flying in a city that's frozen
Dying slow
In a world that never stops
Continues to love
In a world that could never appreciate
The no strings attached purity
Of a heart burdened
By loving more than it gets loved

why are all my words gloomy?
aren’t there moments that are silver?
perhaps it is they pass too quick
mistaken just as grey

My grandfather peels an
X-chromosome off his liquor bottle
skips it across the pool of my mother’s genes
until it reaches me
yellow cigarette stained walls
green ashtray carpet on his tongue
blue back room full of old guitars
black mechanic oil stained hands
sandpaper voice
watching Jaws 4
homeless woman on couch
feeds dog black coffee
brown belly dragging across tongue
Thanksgiving dinners
my brother plays “Purple Haze”
out of a reluctant amplifier
the old folks applaud
the colors are beginning to
fade
he
battling cancer his way
watching Jaws 4
dog now dead
homeless woman now
no longer homeless
back skin where left ear
used to be
old guitars pawned for
drugs
Purple Haze fades to
black as colors do
and they say
it skips a generation
and now when shades
of pink appear white
my tongue grows thick
smoke burns my nostrils
and
I can only think of
how terrible of a film
Jaws 4 is.

My brain has its own form of colorblindness
Refusing to see anything other than monochromatic shades of black or white
You're either something that i cannot possibly be around another minute
Or i don't want you to leave
It can go from content
To barely controlled anger
In a matter of seconds
But what's worse
Splitting or depersonalizing
How am i supposed to know when i mix them as often as others mix their drinks?
How can my own thought process be just as flawed as my vision?
How am i supposed to tell whether you hate me or not?
How do i think in anything other than extremes?

I remember what it was like to have a crush
It was a magical feeling, such a rush!

Having the thought that they might be the one
And when their eyes fall on me, it was I with the sudden feeling of stun.

But now as I grow older
My heart begins to feel colder

Why is this? I ask
My feelings are only a mask

Have I been hurt too much?
Maybe love and I are no longer in touch

I miss this feeling that we speak of
And perhaps, I will forever just be colorblind to love