Sometimes my mind runs,
so my feet walk.
My brain is an unsorted file,
and my body is a disconnected server.
There are moments in life where I am so in love with it all that I cry.
Moments when I am so upset, I laugh.
I can not fully understand the loops that my mind takes
over and over.
But I still ride along them.
When I was younger, I use to be so scared of the mess in my brain.
But the truth is,
I am full of clutter.
I am the home of loved objects that is messy,
and lived in.
I am a cloud of multiple thoughts
that lead me to sing at the wrong times.
Love harder than I should.
Feel every emotion at once.
We are all cluttered boxes.
I promise you,
you are messy
but full of love.
And I promise you,
we will all be pulled
from the attic
and taken
back home.

go take out the trash, a little voice says
no, you reply
I'm comfortable right now
lying here on my bed in my pyjamas
but you have to, the voice insists
not now, you reply
I'll do it later

it goes on like this
it happens every day now
but you always answer
later
later now becomes much much later
you're getting more and more skilled
at ignoring the little voice

every once in a while it pikes up again
take out the trash
but you don't listen
you're too comfortable
too lazy
too tired
too anxious
too hurt
too anything
too everything

you never take out the trash
until years later
you have to vacate the space you're living in
and the suffucating amount of trash you've accummulated
becomes quite obvious
and now
you have to take out the trash
so you go and take out the trash
and you go
and you go
and you go
no end in sight
until you start to wonder
if it will ever stop
or if you're now trapped
in some kind of eternal hell
of taking out the trash

and you start resenting that little voice
that now utters something that sounds a lot like
I told you so
you should have listened to me
yes, you should have listened to that little voice

so now you start resenting yourself
for not listening to the voice
but the one question that now insistently nags at you
that won't leave you alone anymore
if you managed to hoard such a huge amount of trash
by just never taking it out
what does your mind look like
you've never taken out the trash there either
and you nervously ponder
how it will end
the day you will have to vacate that space

The heart has no bones, but I heard it shatter
The day you turn and walked away, I heard the clatter
I heard it plainly over the,"I still love you"that I muttered
Now I'm left with all this clutter
Where did your fiery love go
I'll never understand, I'll never know
I shut my eyes to my new reality
Because behind my eyes you with me is all I see
I don't want to live a life that your not in
So I shut my eyes for the very last time,I will never open them again

The vortex

My mind is a vortex,
a whirlwind of thoughts, beliefs and desires.
Creativity oozing up to the surface of every pore, determination dancing circles within.

What with all these factors in one soul, success seems imminent?

The vortex has other ideas for this one.

Desire now destined to get lost in the mass clutter of thoughts,
counter-arguements penetrating all beliefs that once seemed so absolute,
fire rupturing and destorying all creativity that  lives.

My mind is a vortex, and i am my mind.

I am sorry
grips and grows
when I was fun.
And I bore into you.

I bore you.

The endless throes
Leaving you with nothing to say
of the insatiable soul
at the end of the
like the solitary smell
your obligation

But I am sorry that
because of me
like the rip and the hole
you can't enjoy the sun,
and the silence binds
poor man's sole.

Dropped on the situation,
When the penny has
Leaving me clutching at straws.
You never knew me.
I could be sorry that
to your skin
of your family home
Misery sticks.

Look me in the eyes
Look deep into my soul
because underneath the new plaster where all the cracks used to be
that where your fingerprints lie
Tell me what is keeping us together
because when walk in the door
the butterflies of excitement turn into pterodactyls of anger
Because your unwillingness to pull your soul out into the light
So that we can re-plaster the walls
And harness the power of what you hold within
It's lonely on this side of the fence
Look me in the eyes
Look deep into my soul
Do you see all the work I've put in
The clutter is gone now
The power is in my hands now
you can do it to if you just try
we can harness your pterodactyls too

Your house may be filled with clutter
and it may not subside
but the entire world is cleaner
if you are clean inside

I am chaos
A swirling sea of mixed feelings
Plagued by storms of intensity

Desires laced with
Confusion sit in bottles on
My shelf screaming 'drink me'

I am madness
Bright lights and raindrops
Blotting out what was left of my common sense