i had a kind face, and the kind of smile
only a brother could love
and read beyond the teeth,
biting back bitter amusements
of a broken, brooding boy

you were mine; not in blood but in love,
and we were too small and too young
with too much and not enough
of everything.

brother.
“brother”
bromance.
the lie of the year,
and we had many.

i had chronic denial and you had chronic rejection.
if we said we saw ourselves as siblings,
it would all go away.
my brother from another mother
not a brother at all, but a lie
the hidden gay.

i had a kind face, but you were kind
and i wanted to be that
for you, a light against the shadowy history
the trajectory from ruin to wholeheartedness

you were already wholehearted,
and wholeheartedly in.
brother, i ruined you by calling you brother
with my fear of our friendship: the trajectory from friends to more

now everything between us is gone
and it still feels rather sore
even though i don’t love you anymore

My sexuality should not define me over the fact that I am a human being.
Just because I am in love does not mean I’m a child
“I love a girl,” I told my mom as I smiled
She looks at me questioning ready for the lecturing
“You’re just confused” she does not know this destroys
Just play along alright, “okay I guess I like boys”
Even though I like a queen rather than a king

This is my home this small lonely closet
So claustrophobic as these walls are closing in
all because of all of my so-called sins
I just wish I could be honest
So that this stops suffocating me
Running out of oxygen without the key
To open the door and get away from where I sit

I decide I will not remain silent
“Mom,” I say “I’ve never felt this way with anyone before.”
She pushes me back and closes the door
The world treats me like my sexuality is violent
The longer I stay the more I know
That this is not a choice and I am not in this solo
Although this closet makes my world view seem bent

When I see this girl my world slowly slips away
and I can’t find a way to hide how I feel
But I have to choose, the so-called safety of the closet or this amazing thrill
She touches my face bringing her lips to mine
as we sit in our sin our eyes get wide
We ignore it and pretend that we don’t care.

The first moment I was who I truly am.
The oxygen
oh how good it felt to breathe freely.
The closet
for even a moment far behind me.

How amazing it is
that when you clean your closet
you find things you lost, that you forgot you had.

Is it then
if you clean your mind
you will find memories you made but dint know existed?
And if you clean your heart
the love you never felt?

Everyone’s got a skeleton in their closet
but I’m still alive in here.
Everybody seems to live a life that’s honest
but mines been a lie I fear.

Well maybe I just want to be "different"
But I know that it’s not the case.
'Cause I have always been keeping to the background
Hiding my true face.

It's never going to be easier,
They'll just see me as a movie monster.
Though I'm only a fraction of the whole
It's still too hard for me to let you know that...

I'm not yet who I'm meant to be but I'll get there someday.
At the very least, I hope I do.
And that I'll still do right by you.

I am not broken, I am not confused.
No, I've always known who I am.
But nobody wants to hear that news
So I'll stay with the skeletons for now...

there's a monster in my closet
he's been there as long as i've breathed
he has moved where ive moved and seen what i've seen
there is a monster in my closet that looks just like me
he moves how i move and sees what i see