Words mumbled,
If any at all.
Staring at nothing,
If anything at all
Sunken red eyes,
Unable to focus,
Slumped over the chair,
**** pungent in the air
I hardly see you
We hardly speak
And when I try
You’re too tired to speak
You sit on the street
Drinking with friends
I’ve no problem with that
If only I could see you at weekends
I know you work hard
You deserve the rest too
For me it’s chocolate
Cannabis for you
But you’re one of many
Nearly all my friends smoke
Yet we still communicate
We can laugh, we can joke
They can still see me,
They notice me here
No matter the ****,
No matter the beer
But do you see me?
Am I just in the way?
I feel so alone
Even when you’re here all day
No communication
No conversation
Staring and smoking
Then blanket over the head sleeping
You awake snorting loudly
Giving me a fright
It doesn’t seem to bother you
In the middle of the night
I’m not really here
It’s like I’m a ghost
You look straight through me
Then go for a smoke
The body is limp
The mind unfocused
Hardly able to smile
Ignore what I suggest
I cannot change you
I get it, it’s you
You are inseparable
**** is number one for you
It’s not up for discussion
Should I ask you smoke less
It is just so insulting
To try change someone else
Just to cut down
One less joint a day,
I might see the person
Hidden by the smoke and haze
Is it my fault?
Am I making you like this?
I sincerely hope not
For us both it’s a loss
Do you still know me?
When can we talk?
Or enjoy time together
Just in the park
Or is this just it?
How it has to be
Is this how we live?
Us who don’t smoke ****
I live with a shell
An empty smoke filled case
Not interested in me
I can tell by the long drawn face
Is there anything inside?
Are you there at all?
How much longer do I wait?
What am I waiting for?
Do you still know me?
Or am I just a “thing “
I cannot stop your ****
That would be classed as a sin
Everything I ask
Is repeated ten times
Over and over and over
You still cannot take it in
Is this how we live?
If living is what this is
Or am I being too sensitive ?
About how you seem to live with your friends
But they are watching tv
I think you are too
Only to discover at 2am
You’re sleeping, passed out in the studio
It is clear to me now
That I matter the least
You have to please your friends
Even as I cook and you eat
Why do I want communication?
Is it a failure in me?
I just feel like there’s nothing
It’s even a chore for you to make me a tea
I mention the idea
Of spending time together
But it’s taken as an insult
Depriving you of your friends, together
We do our own things
That’s healthy I know
But to spend time together
It’s a chore, so much effort, I know
This is the end,
The relationship passed
Stuck here without you
While the **** takes all of you
You live for the ****
I know that is true,
If you had to choose between us
The **** would win, it’s true
It consumes your life
I guess that’s how it is
But is this it for me?
Do I marry someone who doesn’t see me?
I do get confused
As you expect me at night
After ignoring me all day,
How will I do things at night?
Surely for such intimacy
A relationship comes first
Or perhaps it’s just me,
Wanting what I don’t deserve
You’re not here Tsietsi
You make noises, not talk
The words make no sense
I might as well speak to a wall
I’m not trying to be cruel
I’m not anti ****
The last thing I want to do is control,
To take away what people need
But I’m confused and tired
Yet I’m never enough
I try to cook, grow veggies,
It’s still, still not enough
The relationship to you has meaning
Very different to that of mine
Washing the dishes, removing weeds,
Is the level of connection we enjoy
Is that enough for you?
That I’m just here to cook?
To sit silently, without you
Not trying to talk
Is this how it’s meant to be?
A life without you, only me?
A woman is to marry
But a woman is not to see
Or perhaps it’s just me?
Should I smoke **** too?
Am I mistaken?
We don’t need communication?
I say goodbye, not leaving,
I just know you’re no longer here,
I will carry on
While you keep the **** and beer
Goodbye Tsietsi.....,,, let me know when you wake up **
Apologies I’m new
