She’s soft and beautiful, kind and gentle,
But pushed so hard she’s over caring
Each new insult, a sliver of the mask cut away
Revealing the primal anger that
slumbers in us all.

Her eyes are gentle, bright and open -
Or at least, they used to be. They say eyes
Are the windows to the soul, but what if
Rocks and screams have shattered them
And only jagged glass remains?
It hurts to look at her now, to see the gaping
Holes where her soul used to be.

And that brave, beautiful heart of hers, the one
That  had an overabundance of love -
It’s closed off now, from itself and others,
And all the blood collects inside until it’s
Ready to burst.

And when all of it comes exploding out, a fountain
Of pain laid bare before you
There’s nothing left for you to do.
Look what you’ve done, this princess you now call
Monster.

Struggling in school everyday,
Feeling like I'm behind.
Struggling with basic math,
teachers making fun of me.
Hurting deep,
Not receiving any support I need.
Why does my brain work differently?
Teachers, students bullying me,
Is it my fault?

The pain runs deep,
With no one to understand.
Why does my brain work in ways they can't see?
Am I broken? Am I stupid?

Laughter echoes when I stumble,
Words like knives, they cut me thin.
I wonder, is this my fault?

Students, teachers bullying me,
How long will it last?

I am a misfit since age 14
I used to have friends before then
But they all turned out to be fake
I was a misfit since age 14
But that don’t mean broken
Crayons can not colour
Of  I am a misfit….
Not dead
I have  been a misfit age 14
Being misunderstood  for
Everything and everything
But this I will say now I am
36 and I am no longer a
Misfit
I am a someone who matters
With I fit in or not

I am at the zenith
Of my
A
    N
        G
           E
              R


I am at the zenith
Of my
E
    M
          O
               T
                   I
                       O
                            N
                                 S

And why
                       D
                     O
                    P
                  E
                O
             P
           L
        E
Act like unsubs

Screams thrown in my face like acid,
making my skin burn to a crisp.
Harsh words stab into me,
venom sinking in my bones,
forever engraved in my soul.

A daze clouds my brain,
I don't know what I did,
what I do know is I caused this.

The problem that everyone has,
all stems from the mistake that is me.
My presence in the room is enough to **** any mood.
I'm just sad I had to leave so very soon.

Memories blurred and tears left unshed,
Words of my existence praised with dread.
Almost as if they weren't calling me curses back then.

But over time people spat poison on my name,
I guess nothing ever changed.
But I guess this was always my fate.

I thought people liked you more when dead?
Oh, well that's a shame.  
Too bad it's the end.

Hello Elena how are you doing
I must say that those idiots got to you
As you are not FBI as I hoped to be
But instead an artist and writer
Bold choice!  This right now is the pits for
Me.   School they don’t accept me and they
Make me look crazy! Instead of someone
Who wants to make a difference.   Can you try
To be a polygraph examiner, but I you want to
Be creative I understand as that the bullying is intense.
You say it will get better, I hope it will
I am writing this as I am crying my self to sleep
I believe it will get worse before it gets if any better
So many psychopaths that I have to deal with
It is sai to be honest.   Will I ever have friends
Or will I disappear!    I hope I don’t, please learn
From me!

Me as a fourteen y/o

As I see my self as a fourteen year old
I see that she was week of heart beaten
Like a dogs as I see her try to fight back
Not just for her dignity but also her dream
She finds her self getting into trouble
Her dreams crushed by bullying
As I try to talk to my younger self
I will have to tell them that it will get
Worse before it even gets better
It brakes my heart but then
I say it will get better sooner
Then later…..but she does not believe
Me but I can not push her to believe
She will have to experience the goodness at
Some point in life

these wandering eyes in the light of plight,
have chosen to stay out of this fight,
if there is no harm, there is no bite,
surely none can blame one for staying out of sight,
...isn't that right?

I have lived a childhood
Of sadness!
Though I was a
Sweet and kind child
Brilliant in every way
The other pegged my for my
Race and my looks
Oh the sadness
I had to live
And never knowing real love
From another woman