You played me like a violin

with sweetest words and promises of sin.

And all I did was sing along, dance

in the gentle prison of your arms.



I gave in to your deceiving tunes,

to the symphony of lies and ruin.

Our song didn’t even last that long—

you left me in the rain all alone.



Doing everything to please you, I

lost the melody that was uniquely mine.

As the raindrops wash me of your touch,

I regret having met you so much.

In an echo chamber
                                                                ­       horns blare

As her words    
                       dissipate
shared
                         soothing
  unfettered
                             laughter
   reverberates                    
                                ­   through every fiber
    finding                                                ­
                                           the darkest recesses
     burrowing                                                        ­              
                                                      its soothing claws deep
      keeping me                                                               ­                   
                                                                ­      rooted to the tracks
      I stain
                                                           ­           the cowcatcher
      I grind                                                            ­                              
                                  ­                                    through the gears
      I mince                                                            ­                            
                                                                ­      under the wheels
     I capitulate                                                       
        ­                                              over passed rails
    gutted

   fluid

  flows

freely

as her words


skinned and butchered
brand pastoral memories
and feed the mouths of mongers
boring into their last meal

Roaming night drives
beneath patchworked moonlight                                                        ­
over rural roads now

solo

all arrive at the same dirt
as calm conversation displaced
by glazed rumination

ends bumpy regardless
Their music
The Ambiance of a Restless Night
softening the shock

You lost me after we stopped talking
After he sexually assaulted me
The complexity of ******* revolts thee

Why is it me who pays consequences for he?
Let him be but not me?
Please

Talk to me
I need to walk, please I beg of you go with me
We can play with chalk, we’ll cover the block
There are no guns cocked towards me
Sweet.

They’re after 𝔰𝔴𝔢𝔢𝔱t, he leached onto me
I was the beach and he was the sea
I was his cheap whiskey
He underestimated me, I wasn’t going to flee
I ******* loved his tea

I helped him boil the beans
He helped me stay lean
We are both blue inbetween
Neither of us came from shein
You couldn’t hear, we weren't seen

I need to stay back, make sure water can’t burn our beans
So please talk to me.
Me and him can’t talk the inbetween

I’ll point you to the tree, I see him as the leaves.
He left at what would’ve been our best
Now I wait for the snooze fest.
I catch my rest so I can see him during our dreams.

When I awake can we please make the day
I feel grey today
Abandoned with dismay
From the way you shied away, because of HIS mistake.
It's his grave, it led him the whole way.
I only played for fun love and it turnt into lust

It’s HIS bust, yet I’m not allowed to cuss.
Please trust, listen to my love
He’s not above
Don’t give me the shrug
I just want your love. Just send me a buzz.

He molested me,
Why are you punishing me?
I'm lost in his sea,
Please don't leave me be.
Invest in me,
I have good intentions, I give it away for free. Please
Please come see
All I want is you to love me.

I’m incapable of being the healthy
Women that you need
Breaking trust, promises
And even boundaries

But it is not because I hate you
Quite the contrary
You just can’t relate to
The world I live in

I actually love you deeply
You deserve so much more
Then what I can be
So please block and delete me

I’m incapable of being the healthy
Women that you need
You tried to save me
And I should have agreed

Instead, I choose to stay
In this misery
With endless abuse
Endless injuries

I asked you one last time
To just trust in me
You chose to protect yourself
Because I’m not healthy

And I don’t blame you…

Stupid foolish girl
Your begging and your pleas
Will not set you free

You texted him again
No respect for your dignity
Your breaking inside
Can you not see?

Stupid, foolish girl
Can’t take abandonment well
Will you ever change
Only time will tell

You’re only hurting yourself
Hang up your hat
Take a rest
He chose to leave himself

Stupid, foolish girl,
but still, you fight to be free.
Perhaps not today, but someday you'll see—
you are stronger than your grief.

I should tell you, dear reader
That it was years
Before I was able to put our story
(This is not the story) into words.

So I will not bore you with details
Of how those years were full of failed attempts,
Notebooks unused but for one page,
Half-existing musings and abstract ideas.

I will not reveal my aversion
To writing down our story,
How I feared that solidifying it meant it was over (I was right),
How it meant it was over but I was not over it (I was right).

I will not describe the catharsis
Of long-awaited success;
How it is a relief felt in the chest and the lungs,
It is the sadness and hope of letting go.

I will not linger over the fact that writing down our story means my fears (regrets?) have come true,

And there is an ending
And it has already happened
And it is terrible


(Because it isn’t terrible)

There’s a nasty stain on the carpet
A yard from the door,
Dark orange of a shade
I once used to adore.

I’ve bleached and soaked the relentless spot
Till my hands and knees bit,
I’ve covered it with rugs,
But my mind still wont remit.

Curse the careless way I ate that fruit!
I cry into the smudge.
Each time I walk inside,
This brand relights my grudge.

Maybe over time I’ll learn to note it less,
A spark more than a fire.
Till then I guess I stare,
At this mandarin expired.