would it be easier for you
not to see me at all
would you like to forget me
even if not for the sake of moving on
just to make it easier
is it hard to have known me, loved me
and for everything to be different now?
yes

I would rather be your friend, I think
Than nothing at all
but perhaps ceasing to exist
to one another is better

I can't help but look at you that way
"what?" you'll ask, puzzled, teasing
"you're going to ruin my life," I say
and your brow furrows, but you smile
"I think you make life pretty great,
and who says that has to end?"
and my lips creep into a smile
because I'm not afraid, despite it all
even knowing how far the drop would be

I can't quite place my rage
if you can even call it that
angry at your optimism in us,
in what you were capable of
angry with myself for letting you in
angry that I tried, again
only for it to end the same way

I'm less upset, I think
than I thought I'd be
I've built a beautiful life for myself
Great friends and a job I love
I am brimming with love
and nothing can take that away
not even you

part of me feels so ashamed
and I can see their faces now
corneas coated in pity
but they didn't expect anything else,
not really
it's never different,
it's just me
a sad exhale, it never changes
I'd stop trying if it meant
escaping their cassette-recording speeches and sorries
but part of me desperately wants,
aches to prove them wrong
that I'm not cursed
that it can be me
that I deserve it too

I'm trying to move on, but my heart won't let go.

I might not be texting you, or even seeing you. But, I'd respond in a heartbeat should that notif pop up on my phone.

I may not greet you like I did on the daily, but even a year later... you're still the last thought when I fall asleep.

It may no longer be the blissful smiles, and instead be the tearful cries. But I miss you and I think about you.

there were so many words i tried to say
some good
some bad
but none could make you stay

the days since youve left werent easy
some were good
most were bad
everything felt uneasy

there are so many sleepless nights
none were good
it was always bad
tortured by nightmares at midnight

i miss you.
all the good,
all the bad,
make me feel blue

you used to promise id have to be the one to leave you
whyh do i still love you
why does it hurt so bad
when you gave me back my blankie it still smelled like you
i cried all night
i cut so many times
i bled for you
i did everything you asked.
i did everything
and you left for someone else
just like you did to him
he cries over us you know
i didnt tell anyone
god i wish we had stayed together
i love you
i love you so much still
and yet i was never enough
dont ever say 'i love you' if you dont mean it.

I think i’ll miss you till my sky’s not blue
But gold and green and purple hues
Of molten memories and stuttered i will’s, I can’t’s and i do’s.
Your handprint on my head, scratching and clawing and pampering
Remains true
To chain me to your handmade fence of fortitude
And let the sun blister me till i’m not sure it’s really you
Anymore.
Maybe i made too much sound in my sleep
I promise to lay still as death
If you weep on my bones
And listen for my cries of joy beyond your touches
I promise to love your breath so much that my insides turn to air
At the thought of you needing more.
I think i’ll love you till the morning’s through
When all that’s left to do is to bury myself in silk and stone
The dirt will whisper as its laid over my eyes
“It’s you, oh it’s you, how wonderful of a surprise.”