I live, I endure

the sharp sounds, I kiss the wounds --


then I cover them.

They call it a gift,
this body of mine,
but every month it gnaws at itself,
chews the lining of my womb,
spits out blood like a sacrifice
to a world that does not care.

I step outside,
eyes crawl up my skin like ants,
like maggots,
like fingers that never asked for permission.
A whistle slits the air—
a razor against my spine—
I swallow the bile, keep walking.

Mother said, don’t wear that
Father said, boys will be boys
I say nothing—
only dig my nails into my palms,
so deep the crescent moons bloom red.

I dream of shedding this skin,
peeling it back like an overripe fruit,
scraping out the parts that feel *****,
that feel weak,
that feel like they do not belong to me.
I want to be new,
to be sharp,
to be something they cannot touch.

But even in dreams,
they chase me.
Even in dreams,
I run.

I know I should find comfort in predictability
Haven’t I had enough of having my spine ripped out from behind me?
Yet the way you stare everywhere but my gaze
Midnight messages of what I tempt you with
The blatant absence of personality in the words you choose to describe me
Pretty
Funny
Smart
All trademarked generically
by countless machine operated boys I have played with before
Bore me past the point of even fleeting interest
So I fantasize about the beginning of cannibalism
Gory eroticism in the form of utter consumption
Compulsivity unbearable to the point of obsession
Because skin against skin will never sate my satisfaction
Yet I will lower my necklines and gloss my lips for you
Pose, flash on
in the darkness of a shameful Saturday night
And respond emptily to your mechanical propositions–
the only way you can digest me.

The pen –
is an extension of my body, held by my hand, as it
beats with my heartbeat; it's my very breath between
words, the intentions of my structuring, the brush to
my thoughts, the paint of my imagination.

The pen –
is the mic to my voice, the scope of my eyes, the chorus
to my soul, the bass to my heart, the shadow of my skin,
painted by the night, and why my pen chooses to be black!

It is bold, it is wild, it is persuasive, it manipulates words
to invoke change, it is controversial, it is understood by
few, yet it speaks to all.

The pen is an extension of my body –  for we are One!

Lay dormant on my lap,
Hand on thigh,
Butterflies.

You make my heart race,
Laying across my,
Own

Sometimes I wish I never ate
Food became pleasure
It’s how I rest

Creeping into the kitchen at 3 am - making a crime
Emptying the fridge, pantry staples
Then pretending innocent when I’m called out

I feel so ashamed that my stomach growls
Maybe it’s a habit to want to eat more?
The resilience of a kind had I had
I’m sure, would not help

I swear to have just a bite
But if I start there’s no stopping
Until I’m full to a state where I can’t move my body

I fall asleep with a thought of
What I’m gonna eat tomorrow
And wait till I come home to eat
Sitting in a classroom

The pain and guilt after I binge ate
If only I could to puke it later…

We have been given the greatest mission
In the greatest love story ever written
It's a call to love; it's a call to action
It's the spark that starts a chain reaction
It's a call to faith; it's a call to holiness
It's a call to arms and it's nothing less
It's a mission not hard to understand
And it boils down to one command:
Love each other sister and brother
Be the light of the world, the salt of the earth
You're special, you matter, right from birth

Everyone wants to be loved and to feel loved
Everyone needs someone to be there
To have someone who truly cares
Go into the world and live it out
People you meet will have no doubt
Of whom you are or what you believe
You have become what you received:
You have become the body of Christ!

His hands healing the sick, feeding the poor
His merciful heart that loves and adores
His feet that walked countless miles
His kindly face and his gentle smiles
His palms up, his arms outstretched
Embracing the world from east to west

Reflect on these
And hold them in your heart
Then, bless God and thank Him
When you start
Becoming the very Body of Christ