.
Black is the colour
Where other colours go
Swimming in
.
I am absorption,
Thick graphite drawings.
Tar, pitch, embellished
.
Bruised colours like flowers;
Hidden powers in these cowards.
Mortals are more fun than gods–I touch
.
Music, sinews, my flesh, fie,
These lights bruise my eye–it’s cold
I smell. Sigh. Rain and earth, fresh,
Solid. Home
.
Black is a colour
I swim. Sleep. Such
Is this: I am not Hamlet’s Ghost
.

13/12/2015

What have I done to you?
Tell me,
What connection do my conscious movements have to you to
Make your limbs itch to reflex
And smite me with?

        the bubbles that burst with
        my submersed words reveal my  
        vehement purpose;
        you ask me why and then drown me more -

I am not made for you, not
Made to make you content, my
Materials are not plethoric nor easily spent
I don't have the means to
Repeatedly sedate you when you
Knowingly defy the warnings and drain the poison
Again and over, and
Foam at the mouth with both love and anger for me

I am always the one who loves too much
who cares too much
that was the absolute reason why
I ended up with the biggest wound
I did that to myself
it was all my mistake
I am the one who pulled the trigger
to my head, up from my mouth
he was just there giving me the gun

Each time i allow
my mind to drift in
retrospect, regrets
gather like starlings
in the dusk sky.
Memories tainted rose
take their own shape
and imagination
runs amok leaving
wagging fingers
in its wake.

Once you were so sweet
you had a gorgeous smile
once you played guitar
I stayed there for a while

heaven opened up
you owned the place
slipping away so slowly
now its hell I taste

The memories of all that we shared
can't be forgotten, can't be compared
will I recover, oh I'm so scared
my heart full of rain and
your the one to blame

Oh, you never tried
the more that I knew, the more I died
do you have no shame
just shatter my pride
and your the one to blame

am I a fool, waiting around for you?
when I know its something you'd never do.
you pushed my love aside, that's something I cant abide
And your honestly the one to blame...

Scribbling away on my walls,
have I gone insane locked up in doors?
your the one to blame

why did you hurt me so?
you always had to be in control
never letting me In, just letting yourself win.
what did I do, why can't you love me
am I invisible, cant you see?

Oh, you never tried
more that I knew, the more I died
I got a reason now to bury you alive
What do you think about that?

I don't think ill be OK
I can't believe, you could treat me this way
I do believe, you didn't try to stay

I don't think ill be all right
AND YOUR THE ONE TO BLAME.

I met you and my life changed for the better
everything seemed to have  a brighter color because
you started a fire inside of me that I didn't even know was possible.
Being around you made everything okay
but now I'm in tears on a plane and I am blaming you.
I thought I was getting better because of you
but I was only absorbing your light.
I was washing your hair while in the shower at five the morning
because you spent the night and your phone lit up "princess"
I can't believe I didn't realize  that your princess isn't me and
your princess never will be me and I hate you so much for
letting me love you  with no intention of loving me back

You loved me like fire
but the flames grew higher and higher
Until you had burned down everything we built
You loved me like fire
But the smoke rose higher and higher
Until I walked away from the ashes of your guilt

Now I'm out of lives
I´ve been burned too many times
and it's become to hard to withstand the pain
I'm gasping for air I can never acquire
I´d apologize, but you think I´m a liar
Saying we burned out cause I loved you like rain

You loved me like fire
but the flames grew higher and higher
Until I could no longer reach you through the flames
You loved me like fire
but the smoke rose higher and higher
Until I walked away from the ashes of your blame

Now I'm out of lives
I´ve been burned too many times
and to save my heart I was forced to let you go
To be loved was my only desire
I'm full of regret, but you think I´m a liar
Saying we burned out cause I loved you like snow