Red-Winged Blackbird

Here you are again, in the chain-link fence.
It's the same every day as I pass by
heading home--you perched there.
Are you waiting for someone?
Do you, like me, wonder what's next?

I'm often on the fence, too. Each day
I pray for success for my six children.
I can't rest until they are on their own,
thriving.  My wife is the same.
We keep our eyes on hope.

Blackbird, you neither sow nor reap,
nor gather into barns.  Do you question,
each day, how you will feed your family?

People urge me to write a will.
It's inevitable, but I feel responsible.
I want to be here for them.  I still talk
to my parents and am pretty sure they listen.

I don't know if you, blackbird, contemplate
these things each day like me.
I'll swing by again tomorrow.

Quote that black bird for me,
Cause I don’t have the time.
I’m too busy deciding
Whether great snowfalls will end it all
Or ***** of fire this time.

Dreamt about you again.
I'd tell you all about it, but
I know you won't receive it.

I wonder maybe if you knew--
if I called upon you
every morning after fitful sleep,
haunted
by your face.  Maybe
then if you knew, maybe
then you would not be so cruel.

If only I knew what inspired you
to have done what you continue to do
is it me?
must be.  
But what did I do, did I
hurt
you?
Or have you just decided I'm
worthless and not worth your time.

I try, I do.
to respect you, your
space and wish for me gone
but how can I drop
you when you won't leave me--


You, who chase me in my dreams.

My life before I met you was just simply dull. I never ever felt any emotions. I couldnt feel happiness, I couldnt feel sadness. I didnt even have any emotional relationships with people. Like I knew I should love my family or some friends. And I said I did. I just couldnt feel it. It was just a word for me and I thougt that's normal because I never knew anything other.
Everything changed when I met you. And by everything I mean my whole life, soul,thinking,feeling,talking,moving,dreaming,breathing. There wasnt a single part of my existence that didnt change.
I started feeling things Ive never felt before.
I started seeing things Ive never seen before.

When I was with you I often realized that I feel like Im in a movie. In a really, really beautiful movie.
Everytime we went to bed I never fell asleep before you and then I just stared at your beautiful face sleeping and your beautiful chest moving while you were breathing.
And every morning I woke up earlier just to look at you a bit longer.
When we were waiting for the tram in streets of your beautiful hometown Prague, I looked at you again and I remember my thoughts till this day. "How ******* lucky am I to call you mine. How did I ever deserve you? And also how lucky I am that you are also a lesbian."

Since I met you... I strated crying.
I never really cried before.
Do you remember the first time you played the guitar for me? How my tears just started falling?
I dont really know why but I think that was the moment I fell in love with you. Cause I didnt know that feeling and I didnt know how to express or let out my emotions, so I just started crying.
And then usually tears started falling while your body was joined with mine... or when we were saying goodbye...

It feels like my life just started when I met you.

And that was how I knew I was madly, madly in love with you girl.

Just tell me.. What should I do to numb the pain that has fully outgrown through my whole body.... Just tell me what to do... Cause I dont know what to do anymore. Everything seems just pointless without you. And I know I can have you back. Or can I? Well for sure not right now.   I've been really unwell since you left...   Now this time, it has been a year. A whole ******* year since you told me you need to be alone, A year since you broke my whole ******* heart A year since I almost died in your bathroom and you saved my life A year since I last heard your voice A year since I last kissed you A year since we made love A year since I told you I fell completely in love with you A year since I first met your family and you met mine A year since you were the most beautiful surprise out of all on my birthday A year since you played a last song on the guitar for me A year since I was crying when I had to say goodbye to you and wait a whole week to see you again A year since I felt like my life couldn't get any better A year since I drank alcohol and felt joy instead drowning in the sadness for your absence A year since I started writing a beautiful, happy, loveful poetry A year since I truly felt any kind of emotions for the first time...   And after this whole ******* year I still crave for you. After all this whole ******* year I still love you.